What building has the most stories?
Why is Sir Mix-A-Lot so smart?
He likes big books and he cannot lie.
Why are books so annoying to be around?
They don’t have any shelf awareness.
Why don’t readers have any extra time?
How do you get a dog to stop eating your books?
Take the words right out of his mouth.
Did you hear about the guy who bought so many books he was eventually crushed underneath them?
He can only blame his shelf.
Did you hear about the book who fell in love with another book?
It was bound to happen.
What kind of orange juice do fiction writers like?
What do you call a beautiful woman with an overdue library book?
What kind of book dates back to the Jurassic period?
Why do people get jealous when they date a library book?
Someone else is always checking them out.
Did you hear about the top secret library project?
It’s all very hush hush.
Why do witches make the best editors?
They know how to run spell check.
What is the spookiest kind of author?
Why don’t library carts follow the rules?
It’s not how they roll.
What is an alcoholic’s favorite book?
Did you read the book about Mt. Everest?
It was a cliff-hanger.
Why do people get asthma if they haven’t read Charlotte Brontë?
It’s hard to breathe with no Eyre.
Did you hear about the guy who said Lord of the Rings wasn’t a good fantasy book?
He didn’t know what he was Tolkein about.
Why don’t they let accountants into the library?
Why was the book so good at using Tinder?
He had a good opening line.
What dirty pick up line do books love to use?
“When I think about you, I touch my shelf.”
Did you hear about the librarians who won a softball tournament?
Their opponents were dewey decimated.
Did you hear they were going to make an entire book about Harry Potter’s godfather, but then it got axed?
They thought it would be too Sirius.
How do you track a book?
You follow their footnotes.
What do you never know whether the food Charles Dickens cooks for you will be good?
He has the best of thymes and the worst of thymes.
Why does John Milton suck at Yahtzee?
He always has a pair of dice lost.
Why are novelists always cold?
So many drafts.
Did you hear they made an entire book about Teflon?
It has no frictional characters.
Why are fiction writers better than poets?
What do you call someone who writes a bestselling book?
An author you can’t refuse.
What book is the most extroverted?
Why did the book go to the hospital?
It had to get its appendix removed.
What do you call the inspiration for a good plot?
A novel idea.
Why is a book’s plot so important?
It builds character.
Where does the water come from on Animal Farm?
A pond Orwell.
Why is the ghost always buying new books?
He goes through them quickly.
What did the period tell the sentence?
We better stop now.
Why does everyone hate Oedipus?
He’s a motherf*cker.
Why did the accountant’s restaurant go out of business?
He wouldn’t cook the books.
Why are editors always throwing up?
Typos make them [sic].
What do you call a busy librarian?
Why are books so brave?
They have the spine for it.
Why does an elephant use his trunk as a bookmark?
So he nose where he stopped reading.
Did you hear about the librarian who was sent to jail?
The judge threw the book at him.
What’s the key to having good sex with a fiction writer?
What does Socrates give his children?
What did the book write on his Valentine’s card?
Thanks for opening up to me.
Why is Walden such a good book?
Add your favorite book puns in the comments!