1. What’s it called when you get a really bad wine hangover?
The grape depression.
2. How do you perform wine first-aid?
Open the bottle. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
3. Why was the raisin sad?
She never got to achieve true grapeness by becoming wine.
4. I’m not a wino.
I’m a wine-yes.
5. What did the grape say when it was crushed?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
6. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious.
I told him he had zero proof.
7. How do you make a wine drinking happy?
Give them a Riesling to be cheerful.
8. Why did the woman complain about the service at the restaurant?
Whoever served the wine did a pour job.
9. How did Betty get so drunk at the party?
She kept saying “wine not.”
10. How do you spot an amateur wine taster?
There’s usually a blanc look on their face.
11. How does a wine drinker hear about the next best brand?
Through the grapevine.
12. How does a wine connoisseur decide what to drink?
On a case by case basis.
13. Wait a mimosa…
I need a prosecco