1. What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s a salt!
2. Why can you never trust an atom?
They make up literally everything!
3. What does a photon say when the bellboy asks if he needs any help with his luggage?
“No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
4. What’s wrong when a physicist and a biology enter into a relationship?
There’s no chemistry.
5. Where does bad light end up?
6. Did you hear oxygen and magnesium got together?
7. What does one tectonic plate say when it bumps into another?
“Sorry. My fault!”
8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs.
“For you, no charge.”
9. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went just OK.
10. What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.
11. What did the girl say when her lab partner hit her with a human bone?
12. What do solids, liquids and gases have in common?
They all matter.
13. I’d tell you another chemistry joke.
Unfortunately, all the good ones argon.
14. I wish I was adenine.
Then I could get paired with U.
15. Y’all want to hear a Potassium joke?
16. Why did the man wish he was DNA helicase?
So he could unzip your genes.
17. What does a subatomic duck say?
18. Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
19. Why didn’t the bear dissolve in water?
He was polar.
20. How do you know if the moon is going broke?
It’s down to its last quarter.
21. Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets?
Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
22. Organic chemistry is difficult.
People who study it have alkynes of trouble.
23. What happens when Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up?
They become instant alloys.
24. If an optimist sees the glass half full and a pessimist sees the glass half empty, how does the chemist see it?
Completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
25. If you’re not part of the solution, what are you?
Part of the precipitate.
26. I was reading a book on helium.
I just couldn’t put it down.
27. What’s the fastest way to figure out the sex of a chromosome?
Just pull down its genes.
28. What do you call an educated tube?
A graduated cylinder.