For some reason, the jokes that make you roll your eyes into the back of your head are the ones you secretly find the funniest. To satisfy your guiltiest pleasure, here are some dumb puns that you will hate yourself for laughing at:
1. Were you there when the TV repairman got married?
The reception was excellent.
2. Did you hear about the dentist and the manicurist?
They fought tooth and nail.
3. My doctor told me I had type A blood…
But it was a Type- O.
4. Why were the Indians here first?
They had reservations.
5. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own?
Because it’s two tired.
6. Why do ambassadors never get sick?
7. What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?
A hoarse doctor.
8. Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner?
He got the cold shoulder.
9. How did Hitler tie his laces?
In little Nazis.
10. If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
11. What happens to deposed kings?
They get throne away.
12. What kind of tree do fingers grow on?
A palm tree.
13. What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
14. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
15. What does a spy do when he gets cold?
He goes undercover.
16. What did the alien dandelion say to the Earth dandelion?
“Take me to your weeder!”
17. Why does lightning shock people?
Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
18. Why did the little boy sleep on the chandelier?
Because he was a light sleeper.
19. What do prisoners use to call each other?
20. How do you tickle a rich girl?
Say “Gucci Gucci Gucci!”
21. Where did the king put his armies?
In his sleevies.
22. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
23. What is copper nitrate?
Overtime for policemen.
24. How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
25. What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes?
You can’t venom all.
26. How do you change tires on a duck?
With a quackerjack.
27. What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and Squeak.
28. What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew chew train.
29. When does a boat show affection?
When it hugs the shore.
30. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
31. Which president was least guilty?
Lincoln. He is in a cent.
32. Why are rivers always rich?
Because they have two banks.
33. What is the purpose of reindeer?
It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
34. What did the guitar say to the musician?
“Pick on someone your own size!”
35. What do you call Santa’s helpers?
36. What do you call two people in an ambulance?
A pair of medics.
37. What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
38. What time is it when it is time to go to the dentist?
39. What must you know to be an auctioneer?
40. What do you call a cow who gives no milk?
A milk dud.
41. What did the toy store sign say?
Don’t feed the animals. They are already stuffed.
42. Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa
43. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat miner.
44. Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the ark hives.
45. How can a leopard change his spots?
46. Why are meteorologists always nervous?
Their future is always up in the air.
47. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
48. What musical is about a train conductor?
“My Fare, Lady”
49. I didn’t like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.
50. What do you get from a pampered cow?
51. Where do you find giant snails?
On the ends of giant’s fingers.
52. What’s a three-season bed?
One without a spring.
53. Why do cows wear cowbells?
Because their horns don’t work.
54. What Disney movie is about a stupid boyfriend?
55. What is the difference between one yard and two yards?