Coffee Jokes

110+ Coffee Jokes for Caffeine Lovers (LOL)

There’s nothing better than a nice, warm cup of coffee to start your day. Except for jokes about your coffee! If you can’t start your morning without a cup of caffeine, here are some coffee jokes you’re going to love:

Coffee Jokes To Tell Over A Cup Of Coffee

When you’re sipping your morning coffee, share these jokes with the other coffee lovers in your household:

  1. How do cups greet each other? With mugs and kisses.
  2. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
  3. What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee? A brewhaha.
  4. What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you? I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
  5. Why do they call coffee mud? Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
  6. What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind!
  7. What did the coffees say before their night out? Let’s stir up some trouble!
  8. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
  9. Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
  10. What happens if you touch Dad’s coffee? You’ll be grounded!
  11. What should a father say to his daughter every day? You’re brewtiful.
  12. How are coffee beans like kids? They’re always getting grounded!
  13. What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.
  14. Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee? Because according to the Torah, He Brews!
  15. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
  16. What do you call the feeling that you’ve had this coffee before? Deja-Brew
  17. Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
  18. When do mechanics drink coffee? When they are on a brake…

Coffee Jokes For Children And Adults

The only thing better than hot coffee is hilarious jokes! Here are a few that coffee lovers will enjoy:

  1. How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage? One person thinks it’s grounds for divorce.
  2. What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before? Déjà brew.
  3. What did the barista’s Valentine say? I can’t espresso my love for you.
  4. What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work? Break fluid.
  5. A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that it came as a shock to all who knew him. But they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer. It was instant.
  6. What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee? Java the Hut!
  7. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
  8. What’s the best Beatles song? Latte Be!
  9. What’s a coffee’s favorite spell? Espresso Patronum!
  10. Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt. Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
  11. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
  12. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated!
  13. What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot!
  14. What’s its favorite Bob Marley song? Don’t Worry, Be Frappé.
  15. What type of coffee do vampires drink? Decoffinated.
  16. Why did the coffee quit playing sports? It always got creamed.
  17. Why did the rabbit stop drinking coffee? It made it too jumpy.
  18. What are cows so sleepy? They only drink De-calf-inated coffee.
  19. What are Russian coffee shops called? Tsarbucks.

Coffee Jokes That Will Leave You Laughing

person making latte art
Unsplash / Fahmi Fakhrudin

If you love coffee, you’re going to love these hilarious coffee jokes:

  1. You may be drinking too much coffee if the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month”. And you don’t even work there.
  2. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  3. Where do birds go for coffee? To the NESTcafe.
  4. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
  5. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee? Mugging!
  6. I drink so much coffee at work, I consider it part of my daily grind.
  7. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee.
  8. What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? “What’s Sumatra with you?”
  9. I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee… Safe tea first, though.
  10. Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would murder someone for a cup of coffee. I really should move that mirror.
  11. Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso? It’s a cheap shot.
  12. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.
  13. A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”
  14. Why shouldn’t you discuss coffee in polite company? It can make for a strong and heated debate.
  15. Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.

Coffee Jokes For The Whole Family

While you’re grinding your coffee beans, enjoy these coffee jokes:

  1. Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it was mugged.
  2. How does a tech guy drink coffee? He installs Java!
  3. What did the coffee lover name her son? Joe, obviously.
  4. How do you make Pig Jerky? Give them some coffee.
  5. What did the caffeine addict name his cats? Cream and Sugar.
  6. I tried brewing my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I drank it and left my house to go to work. After 15 minutes I realized I forgot my car.
  7. How is divorce like espresso? It’s expensive and bitter.
  8. Why can Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee? Because they have Italian titles for everything!
  9. How does the serial killer like his coffee? How he likes his victims—all ground up.
  10. What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw.
  11. How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee? You channel surf faster without the remote.
  12. A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye. The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
  13. I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker. It has a lot of perks.
  14. What do beans say to their Valentines? You keep me grounded.
  15. A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go. The coffee gets up and leaves.
  16. Why did the gardener save his coffee grounds? For sedimental reasons.

Coffee Jokes To Tell At The Coffee Shop

Even if you don’t enjoy coffee, you can appreciate these coffee puns:

  1. What currency can we use to buy coffee in space? S T A R B U C K S.
  2. Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup? He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
  3. Who is Al Pacino’s coffee-loving brother? Cap…
  4. “Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer. “Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
  5. People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
  6. Why do I not like hot drinks? It’s just not my cup of tea.
  7. How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
  8. A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”
  9. A pair of jumper cables walk into a cafe. The barista sees them and says, “I’m sorry but I’ll have to ask you to leave. I don’t want you starting anything in here.”
  10. The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
  11. The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people’s coffee.
  12. Avoid discussing coffee in a sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
  13. She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot.
  14. Soup of the day: Coffee.
  15. You sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee. Then your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.
  16. The key to becoming a great latte artist is to espresso yourself.
  17. I do some of my best thinking about coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
  18. She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.

Coffee Puns And Pickup Lines

person holding coffee with latte cup
Unsplash / Tyler Nix

Here are a few more coffee puns to use on your crush at the coffee shop:

  1. I didn’t choose the mug life, the mug life chose me.
  2. I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino but it was all froth and no substance.
  3. Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
  4. She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
  5. I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
  6. Drinking too much espresso can cause a latte problems.
  7. You’re brew-ti-ful.
  8. She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
  9. She’ll get her daily cup of coffee through whatever beans necessary.
  10. Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
  11. I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car. Now everyone waves at me.
  12. Bad news: I spilled coffee on my keyboard. Good news: It’s all under control.

More Coffee Puns For Your Friends And Family

Here are some more coffee jokes you’re going to love:

  1. We’re the perfect blend.
  2. You’re brew-ti-ful.
  3. Thanks a latte for me being my friend.
  4. You warm my heart.
  5. Where have you bean all my life?
  6. You mocha me very happy.
  7. Avoid discussing coffee in a sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
  8. Dad likes his iced coffee like he likes the thermostat: COLD.
  9. I made a pot of coffee, espresso-ly for you.
  10. It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.
  11. Wake me up before you cocoa!
  12. A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.
About the author
January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.

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