The romantic comedy is a genre that can be a hit or miss. Sometimes rom-coms end up providing unrealistic hilarity yet showcase adorable relationships that seem too good to be true, giving people higher romantic standards to aspire to. More often than not however, rom-coms can also glamorize toxic or otherwise incompatible relationships, making viewers susceptible to lowering their standards and minimize the red flags right in front of them. Here are the top six rom-coms that in hindsight should have been given more of the side-eye.
Bridget Jones’ Diary
Unbeknownst to many viewers, both of the two men in Bridget Jones’ life are on the toxic side. Her pathologically lying, arrogant, and lecherous boss Daniel Cleaver is certainly the most blatantly toxic of the two, but at least his red flags are on display for everyone to see – from groping her in the elevator, to objectifying comments, to cheating on her with another colleague, Daniel Cleaver and Bridget Jones are definitely one of the most toxic rom-com couples and they still are brought back together even in situations where he betrays her. Mark Darcy, on the other hand, is disguised as a “good guy” but what some viewers may miss is that he also has condescending, emotionally unavailable tendencies. Shortly after meeting, Mark Darcy is overheard calling Bridget “a verbally incontinent spinster who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, and dresses like her mother.” Who on earth wants to date someone with such a condescending, patronizing attitude? In the Bridget Jones sequels, Mark goes on to neglect her many times and seems to prioritize his career over her and be commitmentphobic, with his “redemption arc” being that the co-worker Bridget suspects he is canoodling with is actually gay. Although he’s certainly better than the other male protagonist of the plot, his bare minimum qualities (i.e. the ability to tell her he likes her just as she is) is only made to make him look like a good guy through contrast.
Knocked Up
Katherine Heigl plays ambitious reporter Alison Scott who has a drunken one-night stand with her complete opposite, stoner and slacker Ben Stone who works at a lewd celebrity website. Ben does not wear a condom, and Alison ends up pregnant. In one of the most ill-matched rom-com couples of all time, Ben and Alison try their hand at a relationship, and Ben presents her with an empty ring box promising there will be a ring in there someday. Talk about not being ready for a committed relationship, a family, or a baby. Arguments abound, and the couple only make up once Alison goes into labor and Ben finally takes charge by being at her bed-side – which is honestly the least he could do. Knocked Up romanticizes the idea that people should tolerate incompatible partners who they’re entangled with due to undesirable circumstances such as a surprise pregnancy, and suggests that someone’s initial lack of initiative or competence can easily change during one life-changing moment. Audiences should know this is not the way real life works, and that an incompatible partner (like Ben, who barely has his finances together, let alone emotional maturity) probably wouldn’t be the best long-term co-parent and partner to start a family with.
Anyone But You
Anyone But You is a popular new rom-com that stresses the red flag idea that the best romances are mired in chaos. Sydney Sweeney and Glenn Powell play former lovers-turned-enemies, Bea and Ben, that find themselves reunited in a destination wedding in Australia when Bea’s sister gets married. Both their respective exes are also invited to the wedding, which makes for an impossibly uncomfortable situation. They are compelled to pretend to be in a relationship with each other so Bea can avoid questions about getting back together with her ex-fiance, and so their disruptive fights don’t interfere with the wedding. Their friends and family also conspire to get them together. Seems typical enough for a rom-com scenario, but wait, there’s more: viewers discover that the reason Bea broke up with her ex-fiance was because “they never fought.” Sounds like a heavenly, ideal relationship, but it’s clear the romcom holds the message that fighting is an integral part of love, which is why the dynamic between Bea and Ben are glamorized. The movie starts out adorably enough, with Ben and Bea having a meet-cute at a coffee shop and escalates into a talk-all-night followed by a passionate night together. However, Bea sneaks out in the morning, only to come back and overhear Ben saying, “I couldn’t get her out of here fast enough. The girl’s a disaster. She’s a nothing.” Excuse moi? What’s with the rom-com male leads speaking so degradingly about the women they’re attracted to? Ben may have a hurt ego when he lashes out like this, but talking about women this way does not bode well for his overall character. The rest of the romantic comedy revolves around both trying to make each other as miserable as possible and ridiculing each other as they pretend to be together, and of course, inevitably fall in love through a few deep conversations and occasional acts of bravery. This is typical for a love-hate romance and the movie is undoubtedly entertaining, but viewers probably shouldn’t emulate such a chaotic relationship in real life, nor should they ever consider a partner who demeaned them to others.
No Strings Attached
Friends with benefits-to-lovers type relationships rarely work out well in real life, but rom-coms love to present an ideal fantasy of what could be. Starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher, No Strings Attached is a classic rom-com that glamorizes the potential of having a “friends-with-benefits” situationship evolve into an authentic romantic relationship (which it rarely ever does in real life). Emma Kurtzman is a doctor in Los Angeles who reconnects with her childhood friend Adam from summer camp when he calls her after finding out his father has been sleeping with his ex-wife. They begin a “no strings attached” sexual relationship and Adam begins catching feels for Emma, becoming jealous of her other romantic prospects. Despite being noncommittal at first, of course Emma realizes Adam is the love of her life. There is barely any time for Adam to heal from the betrayal of his father sleeping with his ex-wife, and it’s clear that someone like Emma in real life would not be changing their emotionally unavailable tendencies so quickly. A woman who declares that “monogamy goes against our biological nature,” is unlikely to suddenly shift her mindset after a few weeks. Rarely do rebounds or situationships become life-long or healthy romances, but these rom-coms do love giving viewers false hope.
Love Actually
Does love truly conquer all, or are those your rose-colored rationalizations speaking? Love Actually is a unique rom-com in that almost every couple featured has a strange backstory that is more cringe-worthy than couple goals. If we had to choose, Mia and Harry stand out as one of the more heartwrenchingly toxic relationships. The movie begins and ends with what are meant to be heartwarming scenes at the Heathrow Airport where people are welcoming their loved ones with open arms, setting the scene for the multiple plotlines of the diverse “love stories” we’re about to see. Yet these love stories tend to border on unhealthy and toxic, even though they are wrapped up with an all too convenient bow at the end. This is especially true for the love triangle among Harry, Karen, and Mia – where Harry is happily married to Karen, a stay-at-home mother – yet he immerses himself in a disturbing affair with Mia, his young secretary. Karen’s devastation when she finds out about affair by discovering Harry’s Christmas present for Mia is absolutely awful to witness. Yet Harry and Karen are still together at the end of the movie, and Harry’s transgressions are essentially treated with kid gloves. The underlying message seems to promote the idea of staying together for love and the children despite betrayal and casts infidelity as just a cruising “life lesson,” rather than the dealbreaker it should be.
The Holiday
The Holiday is another romcom that could benefit from a reevaluation. Two women, Iris Simpkins, a columnist in London played by Kate Winslet, and Amanda Woods, a movie producer from Los Angeles played by Cameron Diaz, are cheated on by their boyfriends. They experience break-ups around the same time and decide they need to get away for the holidays. Instead of doing some inner work and healing, however, they fall headfirst into their next relationships when they switch homes for two weeks during the holiday season. Iris falls for Miles (played by Jack Black), a Hollywood composer who works with Amanda, while Amanda conveniently falls for Iris’s brother, Graham (played by Jude Law) after what was supposed to be a one-night stand. At the end, both couples live happily ever after despite the fact that the male leads are somewhat problematic. Womanizing Graham discloses he rarely calls women back but is suddenly willing to change for his “dream woman,” reiterating the harmful myth that emotionally unavailable men can suddenly morph for the “right” woman when in reality they’re very likely to remain the same. Jack Black’s character Miles is meant to be endearing and funny but is flirty with Iris even when he has a girlfriend and creepily objectifies her (such as the scene where he subjects Iris to an “accidental boob graze,” and some viewers are baffled why this scene was even included – it was just odd and unnecessary). Many people love The Holiday, and it admittedly does have its charms and can be an enjoyable watch, but the truth is it’s just another romcom that encourages people to get into relationships quickly without healing, to settle for the bare minimum, and romanticize the red flags.
