He says they’re unrealistic. You suggest your favorite romantic comedy, the one that gives you butterflies every time you see it. The one that shows you the kind of love that you hope to find in your life. But he thinks they’re unrealistic. He enumerates the ways in which the love you find onscreen is unlike what you experience in real life. As if his movies are the pinnacles of reality. As if car chases and elaborate bank robberies are what real life is all about. But maybe it isn’t that the rom coms are unrealistic. Maybe he just doesn’t want to experience the kind of love that happens within those 90 minutes–maybe he’s incapable of the love you see onscreen.
He thinks romantic comedies are for women. He’s a man’s man, he’ll tell you. He likes boosted trucks with noisy engines, brews with the boys, fishing in the early morning when there’s dew still clinging to the side of his boat. You suggest a romantic comedy and he bristles. He cares too much about what the guys might say. They’ll see him as less of a man, so he won’t watch them. They’re for girls, he says. Don’t believe him. Gender is a construct, and that includes gendered films.
He thinks you’re watching them wrong. He worries that you’ll take the rom coms seriously, that you’ll expect too much of him. He’ll think that you won’t accept a quiet love–that your affinity for romantic comedies means you’ll require grand gesture after grand gesture any time you have the smallest of fights. You know better. Real life isn’t a movie. And condescending to you because you like a good rom com on a Friday night doesn’t make him a very desirable partner. It’s not because he isn’t filling your apartment with roses like in the movies–it’s because he doesn’t take you seriously.
His masculinity is toxic. The romance genre is wide and varied. There’s something for everyone in this film category. From the male-centered emotional journey of About Time or Say Anything to the silly romps of 13 Going on 30 or House Bunny, there’s something for everyone. And yet, he’s written off the entire genre, no exceptions. Why? He’s got no good reason. That kind of toxic masculinity isn’t what you need in your life. Where else in your relationship is he taking such a hard and gender-focused stance?
He doesn’t want to watch what you enjoy. It’s unbalanced. You want to put on your favorite rom com, but he convinces you yet again to watch one of his favorites instead. Girl, you’re not a priority. A true partnership has compromise. If he can’t even do this on your movie date night, it doesn’t bode well for the serious stuff. He only cares about himself. You’re just an afterthought. He’s not the leading man, he’s the guy you get over before you find the one.
