Five Women Laughing

100+ Bad Puns to Make You Laugh

Want to hear a few corny jokes to make your loved ones laugh? These bad puns are the perfect way to get a chuckle out of anyone you know. They’re so bad, they’re good, not to mention hilarious. Wondering what exactly a bad pun is? Technically speaking, a pun is when someone makes a joke out of a word that contains multiple meanings. Browse the list of bad puns below to enjoy a good laugh or find a new joke to tell.

One-Liner Bad Puns

  1. Shout out to anyone who doesn’t know the opposite of “in”!
  2. When past, present, and future walk into a bar, things tend to get real tense.
  3. To the person who invented the number zero, thanks for absolutely nothing.
  4. I passed a sign that read “falling rocks”. So, I gave it a try, and no it doesn’t.
  5. If you’re with a guy that can’t appreciate a good fruit joke, then it’s time to let that mango.
  6. An airline company lost a man’s luggage, so he decided to sue them. Too bad he lost his case.
  7. My aunt has the heart of a lion. She has a lifetime ban from the zoo too.
  8. Never trust stairs— they’re always up to something.
  9. I lost my mood ring the other day and I’m not sure how to feel about it.
  10. I tried to buy some camouflage pants at the store but sadly, I couldn’t find any.
  11. My friend accidentally crashed his car the other day. He told me he finally discovered how his Mercedes bends.
  12. Einstein discovered a good theory about space and it was about time too.
  13. While small babies can be delivered by a stork, heavier ones need a crane.
  14. Sleeping is so easy for me, I could do it with my eyes closed!
  15. Beer does not make you smarter, Budweiser.
  16. Never trust an atom because I heard they make up everything.
  17. Have you ever realized that long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon?
  18. I had a neck brace fitted many years ago and since then, I’ve never looked back.
  19. This wedding I went to last week was so emotional. Even the cake was in tiers.
  20. I dreamed I was a muffler last night and woke up exhausted.
  21. If you ever have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  22. I heard fish live in saltwater because pepper makes them sneeze.
  23. Decided to sell my vacuum the other day because it was just collecting dust.
  24. I watched this show about beavers and I swear it was the best dam documentary I’ve ever seen.
  25. I met a ghost that absolutely loves elevators. He said it lifts his spirit.
  26. Cosmetic enhancements used to be so taboo, but now you can talk about Botox and no one even raises an eyebrow.
  27. One guy walks into a bar… the other one ducks.
  28. I used to hate facial hair but, over time, it grew on me.
  29. I recently had a dream about swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta-sea.
  30. My friend entered into a pun contest. I thought one of his would win but no pun in ten did!
  31. I told my aunt I just built a car out of spaghetti and you should’ve seen her face when I drove straight pasta.
  32. Recently heard that Peter Pan is always flying because he never lands.
  33. My friend said he would do a magic trick on three, so he said “uno, dos…” then disappeared without a tres!

Hilarious Puns to Tell Friends

Question:

What did one atom say to the other?

Answer:

It seems I may have lost an electron, I should really keep a better ion them.

Question:

Can February March?

Answer:

No, but April May.

Question:

What did the French man say when someone asked him which video games he liked?

Answer:

Wii.

Question:

What does a drug dealer lace his shoes with?

Answer:

I’m not sure but I’ve been tripping all day.

Bad Puns

Question:

When a wife claimed moose were falling from the sky, what did her husband say in response?

Answer:

It’s reindeer.

Question:

When the grape was crushed, what did it say?

Answer:

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Question:

Why can’t the bicycle stand on its own?

Answer:

It’s two tired.

Question:

Is there a reason why a nose can’t be twelve inches long?

Answer:

Yes, because then it would be a foot.

Question:

Is there a good way to get a squirrel to like you?

Answer:

Sure, just act nuts!

Question:

Did you hear what the news reported on the circus fire?

Answer:

Yeah, they said it was in tents (intense).

Question:

What’s the worst quality about a Russian doll?

Answer:

They’re completely full of themselves.

Question:

Why would a can crusher quit his job?

Answer:

It was soda pressing.

Bad Puns

Question:

An octopus starts to laugh after how many tickles?

Answer:

Ten tickles.

Question:

What do you call a pencil with two erasers?

Answer:

Pointless.

Question:

Do you know the best way to view a fly-fishing tournament?

Answer:

Yeah, live stream.

Question:

Astronauts apparently love computers. Do you know what their favorite part is?

Answer:

The space bar.

Question:

What makes a cold such a bad robber?

Answer:

They’re too easy to catch.

Question:

What did the drummer name his twins?

Answer:

Anna one, Anna two.

Question:

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Answer:

A pepper that’s jalapeño business!

Question:

How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

Answer:

You poke him on.

Bad Puns

Question:

How do you get a tissue to dance?

Answer:

Put a little boogie in it.

Question:

Why are gates put up around cemeteries?

Answer:

Because people are dying to get there!

Question:

Which kinds of shoes do ninjas run in?

Answer:

Sneakers.

Question:

What’s a bear called when it has no teeth?

Answer:

A gummy bear.

Question:

What did the fish exclaim when it swam into a wall?

Answer:

Dam!

Question:

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?

Answer:

Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it.

Question:

What does a baby computer call its father?

Answer:

Data (dada).

Question:

What lives at the bottom of the ocean and shivers often?

Answer:

A nervous wreck.

Question:

What’s the best way to catch a bra?

Answer:

With a booby trap.

Question:

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

Answer:

Between you and me, something smells.

Bad puns

Question:

Why did the crab decide not to donate to charity?

Answer:

He’s shellfish.

Question:

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

Answer:

He took a couple of days off.

Question:

What did one plate say to the other?

Answer:

Dinner is on me.

Question:

Why did the scarecrow win an award for his work?

Answer:

They deemed him outstanding in his field.

Question:

What happens when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Answer:

You get frostbite.

Question:

What did the clock decide to do when it was hungry?

Answer:

It went back for seconds.

Question:

Why does Spock have three ears?

Answer:

Because he has his left ear, right ear, and final front-ear (frontier).

Question:

What did the older chimney say to the younger chimney?

Answer:

You’re too little to be smoking.

Question:

Why did the tomato start blushing?

Answer:

It caught the salad dressing.

Question:

What did the Buddhist say when he got to the hot dog stand?

Answer:

“Please make me one with everything.”

Question:

What’s a martial arts expert’s favorite drink?

Answer:

Kara-tea.

Question:

Why did the person cross the playground?

Answer:

To get to the other slide.

Question:

What’s a mummy’s favorite kind of music to listen to?

Answer:

Wrap music.

Question:

Two fish are stuck in a tank. What did one say to the other?

Answer:

I don’t even know how to drive this thing!

Question:

What did the bartender say when a hamburger walked into the bar and ordered a beer?

Answer:

Sorry sir, we don’t serve food here.

Bad Puns

Question:

What did the man say when he tried on new orthopedic shoes?

Answer:

“I stand corrected.”

Question:

When is a door not a door?

Answer:

When it’s ajar.

Question:

What’s the name for a monkey who loves chips?

Answer:

A chipmunk (chip-“monk”).

Question:

What’s a vegetarian zombie’s favorite snack?

Answer:

Grains!

Question:

Why can’t anyone hear when a Pterodactyl goes to the bathroom?

Answer:

Their pee is silent.

Question:

What’s the best way to find Will Smith in the snow?

Answer:

Just follow the fresh prints (Fresh Prince).

Question:

What instrument do dentists love to play?

Answer:

A tuba toothpaste.

Question:

What would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight?

Answer:

There would be mass confusion.

Question:

Why not trust a burrito?

Answer:

He always spills the beans.

Bad Puns

Question:

What is a turtle’s favorite type of photography?

Answer:

Shell-fies (selfies).

Question:

What does a clown’s fart smell like?

Answer:

A bit funny.

Question:

What do you call a joke about paper?

Answer:

Tearable (terrible).

Question:

What’s a hippie’s wife called?

Answer:

Mississippi (misses hippie).

Question:

What did the duck say when she bought some new lipstick?

Answer:

Can you put it on my bill?

Question:

Where is a computer’s favorite place to dance?

Answer:

The disc-o!

Question:

Which country is known to have a rapid-growing population?

Answer:

Ireland because every day it’s Dublin.

Question:

Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?

Answer:

Yeah, he got 12 months.

Bad Puns

Question:

If a bee needs a ride, where do they go?

Answer:

The buzz stop.

Question:

What’s the best way to heal an ill lemon?

Answer:

Lemon aid.

Question:

Why are actors told to break a leg?

Answer:

Well, every play has a cast.

Question:

What’s it called when birds stick together?

Answer:

Velcro (vel-crow).

Question:

What’s it call when a sister cries?

Answer:

A crisis (cry-sis).

Question:

Why did the stadium feel so cold?

Answer:

There were so many fans around.

Question:

Why do cobblers always make it into Heaven?

Answer:

They have perfect soles.

Question:

What did one sad math book say to the other?

Answer:

I’m filled with problems.

Question:

When the custodian jumped out of the closet, what did she exclaim?

Answer:

“Supplies!”

Question:

What’s the main difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

Answer:

One you can see later while the other you won’t see for a while.

Question:

What did the man say when he heard a company was making glass coffins?

Answer:

It’s clear this might not be the best idea.

Question:

What’s the main difference between a piano and a fish?

Answer:

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

More Humorous, Punny Jokes

Below are more clever puns to share with loved ones and make them smile.

About the author
Katee’s passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Follow Katee on Instagram or read more articles from Katee on Thought Catalog.

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