Encourage them to bring a bottle of sparkling wine each. Get day drunk, talk about your awesome projects and experiences, and eat pastries. It’s the perfect afternoon.

24. Girls who don’t like it when their man spends too much time with his friends.

We both don’t want to stay in a relationship banked on some fictitious act. I don’t want to fall in love with the actor of you. I want the real…

3. Be White.

Recently, I have been thinking about the way we, as humans, view relationships.

I really cannot deal with another “insider’s guide to Atlanta” that tells you to go to the Varsity. Sit down, amateurs. Whoever wrote that sh*t probably lives in Cobb County.…

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

Have your cake, eat it, and don’t worry about anyone else’s cake.

You have an affinity for blue fun tack, laminating things and Mr. Sketch markers.

DELTA IS NOT GIVING YOU A FREE FLIGHT BECAUSE YOU POST A PICTURE. THAT IS NOT HOW LIFE WORKS.

Romantic relationships are always drama filled, your BFF is more fun and less work than a boyfriend/girlfriend has ever been.

He told us he was gay. We believed it was immoral, but he defied us. He was kicked out 3 years ago.

“You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore?”

We are the best versions of ourselves when we are doing what we love, not when we are trying to deliberately convince someone to love us.

1. Mental illness as “crazy.”

Is there any being more amazing than he?

6. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

In loving memory of Oreo O’s, creator of incredibly delectable post-cereal milk. Discontinued but not forgotten.

People think introverts don’t like to do stuff. But it’s just not true!

Who DOESN’T want to read about all the haunted houses in the U.S.?

Shakira – Hips Don’t Lie

2. If you begin watching a TV series on Netflix together but are delayed by a hectic schedule, they’ll give you at least a two-week grace period to get your…

Start texting his phone every 30 minutes. If you want to take it to the next level, do it every 15 minutes. Texts should be short, annoying, and unimportant. Examples:…

Okay, the facts that are knowable.

You want to be with people who consider it a privilege to be with you! They’re out there.

16. A person who likes you a lot (and hasn’t told you yet) will stage a dinner party and invite a bunch of people over, when really you’re the only…

I hate to break it to all the Rachels of the world, but Ross was totally fine when he boned the girl at the copy place.

Using points and miles to book free flights has allowed me to travel the world more often and to more places than I could have dreamed. Flights are typically the…

Can everyone be beautiful? And if everyone is beautiful, then is anyone really beautiful?

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Why didn’t you just lose the weight with him?” And for a while, that’s exactly what I did.

You keep g-chat perpetually on “off the record.”

4. You don’t have to read the books. You don’t even have to buy the books.

I mean, Sirius spent 12 years in a prison for a crime he didn’t commit. I think he’s allowed to be a little emotionally distant in bed.

Everything is more intense.

When I hear females saying things along the lines of “I’m not friends with too many women because they’re too much drama,” I can’t help but cringe. After years of…

A large dark figure, kind of a human silhouette, emerging from the foot of my bed and staring down at me.

For my 45th birthday I thought I would treat myself, so I posted on Craigslist for a man to come celebrate my birthday with me.

You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you.

When words on a page come from somewhere insecure and bitter, they look that way.

1. Making a conscious effort to show how much less you can care than the other person.

People clearly feel that this is messed up for two reasons. She is claiming that she is having sex with her son. And that he’s 9-years-old.

A love of cooking, or at least of eating good food. There is a place and time for Easy Mac and dinosaur nuggets, but you don’t want to be with…

You clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger.

If you’ve been a few times and the massive theme parks are becoming less than exciting, here are 20 things you can do all across the city from someone who…

When I was a little girl, I used to look up at him and feel how lucky I was to have someone like that in my family. He taught me…

I won’t say that I present the picture of mental health or anything, but most people would be surprised to find out I harbor a habit that hints at deep…

The habits of trying to make yourself look as presentable as possible are still as deeply ingrained in you as they were when you were awkward and gangly and had…

“Beautiful” tells her she’s more than the cover girl of a magazine, cut, copied and pasted until unrecognizable.

Whether one of your New Year’s resolutions is to stop dating bad people or try to make unhealthy relationships work, we all want to avoid rejection.

6. Don’t get intoxicated during your shift.