My wife and I were eating dinner one night when a guy walked in our house. He told us he was the angel of death and was collecting souls for the apocalypse.
When I asked about her imaginary friend she solemnly told me that he lived in our house a long time ago.
“Apparently he’d climb up to the bedroom window outside and watch you until you saw him.”
“Long story short this man had been getting into their home via a doggy door.”
Ted put all his one night stand stories on Barney so he doesn’t look bad/manipulative in front of his kids, meaning like 50% of the stories of Barney manipulating women are Ted lying to women to get laid”.
I saw someone step behind a tree rather quickly and try to hide from me.
Church camp made us burn our panties that were “shameful to god”.
As I continued on my way, I heard him say “You’re gonna have a bad day tomorrow.”