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8 Things You Wouldn’t Say If You Were Actually Happy In Your Relationship

1. “Excitement is supposed to go away.” It’s pretty much impossible to maintain a head-over-heels, butterflies-constantly-in-your-stomach type of relationship long-term. Most of that stuff happens in the beginning, during the falling part of falling in love. But eventually, you settle into a comfortable, dependable, relaxed, loving contentment with one other. However, that doesn’t mean that the excitement has to go away. Just because you no longer have first date jitters doesn’t mean you should feel absolutely nothing when you see your significant other. You can still feel comfortable and content with them while simultaneously feeling excited and anxious to see them. 

2. “Sometimes it’s more important to be practical than it is to be happy.” If you’re staying with your partner because it makes sense financially or because the two of you are living together and it would be too complicated to break up, you’re not in it for the right reasons. It’s definitely important to be practical in your relationship, when it comes to compromising, communicating, spending time together, or basically anything that makes your relationship stronger. But you should never be thinking about your love life in terms of what’s practical as opposed to how that person makes you feel.

3. “We’re both just really stressed out at work.” Every relationship is going to go through tests. It’s not always going to be a picnic. If you’re going to make it work as 2 adults, you’re going to face things that are unpleasant and you’re going to have to make compromises. But there’s a difference between facing struggles together and blaming struggles for the fact that you’ve disconnected. Too many couples blame outside influences for the reasons why they aren’t connecting – work, finances, family. The list can go on and on. Often you convince yourself that it’s just a phase and once the work problem sorts itself out, your relationship will automatically be fixed too. Most of the time, this is not the case. 

4. “Once you hit a certain point, you know pretty much all there is to know about a person.” You’re going to know more about your significant other than you ever thought possible. You’ll know how many times they poop a day, whether or not they drool when they sleep, what kind of condiments they eat, which celebrity they’d cheat on you with, and their daily routine when they come home from work. You will be shocked at the amount of details about them that you pick up on unintentionally. But you should never feel like you know everything you’d ever need to know. People are constantly changing – they change every day. A healthy relationship means you have to grow together. Or else you will grow apart. You should feel like you’re learning stuff about your partner every single day, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. 

5. “I don’t want to bother them with my insignificant problems.” There’s a difference between being overly attached to your partner and needing them to fix all your issues, and feeling like you have a companion with whom you can talk to about your worries and struggles. A solid relationship involves two independent people who can function on their own and deal with their own problems, but who know they can always rely on each other when they need someone to talk to or lean on during a difficult time. Your significant other should be your go-to safe place during difficult times. You should never feel like you’re bothering them or inconveniencing them when you need to talk about something that’s worrying you. 

6. “It’s not that I don’t trust him/her, it’s that I don’t trust other people.” Yes, there is always a risk that someone may set their eyes on your partner and attempt to pursue them. It happens. Take it as a compliment – you’re dating someone that other people find desirable. It’s okay if this makes you a little uneasy, but worrying about infidelity should not ever consume you. Even if you don’t trust other people, you have to trust your significant other enough to know that they would never do anything, and they would never let anyone else try to do anything either. You have to trust your significant other in all aspects. If you don’t, you’ve got some things to think about. 

7. “Sometimes you have to be selfish.” Selfishness is the death of relationships. And it’s not to be confused with compromise. If you got a job offer in a new city and you ask your partner to move with you, you’re not being selfish. You’re asking them to compromise and put you first on this occasion. That’s okay, as long as you know that it works both ways. You don’t owe them anything for doing this, but you have to remember that they’re willing to make sacrifices in their life for you and you should be willing to do the same. It’s not about being selfish or keeping score – it’s about deciding what will ultimately be the best for both of you as a couple, and being willing to adjust your life according to that. 

8. “We’ll deal it eventually.” When something is bothering you or something is causing tension in your relationship, you have to deal with it. If you and your partner push things off to the side and avoid talking about things that are causing issues, your relationship is going to suffer. Being happy in your relationship doesn’t mean you’re free of issues and conflict. It just means you and your partner know how to sit down, talk through things, and get to the root of the problem. Most of the time, “we’ll deal with it eventually” means you will keep avoiding the issue until something bigger comes along that will ultimately seal the deal. TC mark

Kim Quindlen

I'm a staff writer for Thought Catalog. I like comedy and improv. I live in Chicago. My Uber rating is just okay.

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