1. You spend far too much time convincing yourself you don’t have a crush. Everything is just dandy! You don’t feel like your heart is about to bust through your chest and send you straight to the emergency room. Nah, you’re seriously good.
2. You’re consumed with an overwhelming anxiety whenever you see that person you definitely DON’T have a crush on.
3. You get stuck in between this weird place of wanting to talk to them, but also wanting to run away and hide under a blanket forever.
4. They say hi, and you respond, “Good!”
5. You replay what you just said for the rest of the day. What the fuck was that? Great job, Forrest Gump.
6. Okay, you finally admit you’re crushing hardcore. You then proceed to stalk all of their social media accounts.
7. You discover a shared interest and geek the FUCK out.
8. You try to bring up said interest (tv show, band, Kim Kardashian’s ass) next time you see them, but instead just stand there. Smiling. Not saying anything.
9. You hold full length practice conversations with yourself in the mirror so you’re better prepared for the next time.
10. You see them again and are ready to charm the pants of them. Awe yeah, here we go.
11. This time, you don’t just go mute. You pull out your phone and start texting your friend total nonsense. You act like you don’t even see them until they finally approach you, and you then clam up again, avoiding eye contact.
12. You find yourself seriously identifying with lovably weird characters like Jess from New Girl.
13. It suddenly dawns on you that this is TV. Not real life. Some of this behavior wouldn’t be classified as so cute IRL.
14. The next time you see your crush, you don’t stay quiet. Instead, you blurt out something without thinking like, “YOUR HAIR LOOKS HEALTHY.” (I literally said that to a guy I was mad crushing on and he replied, “Uh, thank you?”)
15. You’ve clicked on their Facebook profile so often, your computer goes ahead and finishes typing in their name after only the first letter.
16. If you get into the texting game with them, you’ll watch your phone like a damn hawk.
17. Unable to take the suspense anymore, you’ll switch your phone to silent and throw it under your pillow or something.
18. But that only lasts so long, like maybe 30 seconds (a minute for those with really great self-control), and you’re checking your phone again.
19. You don’t follow them on twitter, but you definitely know their handle and check it from time to time like a lil’ creepo in private.
20. You’ve imagined every possible scenario of how the two of you could get together. Sometimes, it’s so vivid you forget that you’re only daydreaming.
21. You have a 3 minute victory dance if they ask you out, complete with air humping/hip thrusting and killer first pumps…but only in the privacy of your own home. Or at least, when they’ve turned their back to you.
22. You overthink everything they ever say to you. Okay, so like when he said, “Yeah, I’m hungry too,” was that code for, “I don’t currently have a girlfriend to go eat meals with and I would love for that person to be you.”…?
23. Your friends have thought about staging a possible intervention. Or at the very least, have asked you to not talk about your desired lover every 5 minutes.
24. You’ve practiced different laughs to see which one sounds the most pleasant.
25. You’ve also tried out different smiles. Some of them are kind of creepy.
26. If your crush mentions they like something, you spend far too long researching it and becoming basically an expert. For example: I know a ton of unnecessary information about this one country singer that serves me no greater purpose at all. But it’s stored away for trivia nights if I ever need it.
27. You can’t play it cool. You never play games, but mostly because you have no idea how to do it. You’re supposed to wait to message someone? Huh? You’re so overcome with excitement when talking to your crush (after you’ve mustered the courage to make actual contact) that you immediately respond. Always.
28. You get nervous that someone will mistake your affection for desperation. Desperation would mean you want ANYTHING. You’re not desperate, you just really like this one person, and there’s nothing wrong with.
29. You say seemingly unrelated things at random moments when talking to your crush. What they don’t see is that your brain is still focused on crafting a joke based on that thing they told you 20 minutes ago.
30. If they ever call you cute, you can dig it. But you also fear that’s all they’ll see you as. A girl wants to hear that she’s sexy every now and then.
31. If things start heating up with your crush, you will probably say something along the lines of, “I really like you,” before you even intended to. But that’s okay. Because if that’s how you feel, why shouldn’t they know?