The need to find out what will happen if I don’t relent or moderate my actions has been a constant source of difficulty and discomfort in my life.

There’s a special occasion that can be commercialized almost every month.

Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!

12. Sometimes you will be sad and cry for no reason

I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.

Frankly, I wanted to see what the big deal was about sex. I didn’t want to go into my 27th year with the stigma of being a sexually inexperienced woman.

The best part? The look of fear on her face during the whole thing because she didn’t know how many she put up there in the first place.

I definitely have body image issues. One offhanded, mostly joking comment about a shirt making me look fat and I’ll be stressing about it for the rest of the day.

A new stack of $100 bills is one hundred hundreds — $10,000. That went in my jeans.

How do people manage this outside of an American Apparel photoshoot?? How???

Your major tests were your finals, ours was going to war.

26. “Orange is the New Black.”

The role I play in his life is replaceable; my stay is transient.

Movies have the remarkable ability to stay with us–not only on our dusty DVD shelves, but in our hearts and minds. Here are a few that tend to stick around:

Don’t settle for less than you deserve, there are too many men out there just to settle for one who doesn’t compare.

This playlist includes: Lorde, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Icona Pop, The Gaslight Anthem, Kanye West, Pusha T, XTC, The Arcade Fire, Lana Del Rey, The Neighborhood, Katy Perry, The Stone Roses…

Thou shalt not confuse an occasional one-night-stand/no-strings-attached fling with a faithful/serious relationship

What your parents didn’t give you.

Feeling the ever-growing chasm between the friends who have “careers” and the friends who have “jobs,” and wondering what side of it is even better to be on.

We all have some stories of things we’d like to un-see.

Take your stack of worn-out, tear-stained, dating advice books and throw them out. Toss them in the recycling bin, use them as coasters on your living room table, glue them…

I may not want to be a lifeguard when I grow up, but “not real jobs” are the place where you develop skills that you’ll need when you actually have…

Don’t do it for vacation. Don’t do it for luxury. Don’t do it to take pictures for your Instagram account. Do it because it will make you a better person.

We legit broke up because he wouldn’t stop cuddling with me.

52. There are many ways to #YOLO without calling it #YOLO.

1. “12 Years a Slave”: Best Picture

Why are we always talking about what “girls” do? Let’s talk about what “women” do.

You COULD live by this maxim. OR you could live by the more appealing, joyless and realistic one that I have stamped on my throw pillow: Fart, vomit, die. The…

The Disney movies seem oddly interested in captive, passive women suffering in extremis, like a Lars von Trier movie for kids.

Getting woken up in the middle of the night to wipe shit out of another human’s ass crack might not be your definition of rock-bottom, but it’s mine.

As humans have progressed, they’ve employed their critical thinking skills in a fashion that challenges things people used to never question.

Tucking yourself tightly under the covers so things can’t get you.

Interviewers like candidates who take initiative! Even if they haven’t asked for a drug test, bring a urine sample.

So please, come along with me, and let’s finally learn all the hidden lessons from R.L. Stine books that you missed the first time around, probably because you were too…

11. “A Game of Thrones”: Everyone You Love Will Die

“Breaking up with that awesome girl in college because I wasn’t ready to settle down. Been trying to find a girl that awesome ever since (or remotely close).”

12. Taking a date to Placita Olvera is totally a cute/viable option, most likely with someone you met while hiking Runyon Canyon.

8. Intentionally Out-Obscuring Your Peers

Who said death had to be this morbid. If you’re crying, please stop. What if my death is a glorious celebration? Could you celebrate it for me?

So basically like strip clubs and Quidditch, that’s what I think an internship consists of.

“A book should be an axe to break the frozen sea within us.” – Kafka

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don’t have to pay taxes –…

10. “Anchorman: The Legend Continues.”

Intelligence is not measured by exams, creativity not by output, desire not by action and honesty not by circumstance.

You know it’s still on your iPod and, while you may not click on it, if your music is on shuffle and you hear that beat kick in, you’re not…

22. “Silver Linings’ Playbook.”

One of the most dreaded words a fan of horror movies can hear is remake. It sends chills down the spines of eager audiences desperately wanting to get their next…

You spend two hours each day reading travel blogs and websites.

It’s the end to your misadventures in a foreign land, and end to the identity you carefully crafted and experimented with, an end to the reality you authored, an end…

7. I hear the same two jokes over and over again about how I look too tired and should just drink more coffee. Very original. I wake up at 3:30…