I graduated from college two years before my then-girlfriend and was obligated to move across the country for a military assignment. It was the first time we’d been long distance. In six months I was only able to visit her twice (this was before the days of Skype), but we spoke on the phone every day.
She called me and ended things just before Thanksgiving saying that she couldn’t do it anymore and she felt like we were just really good friends (although I found out later that her parents had told her that she could do better than me). Within a few weeks, she was seeing someone else. I was heartbroken because she was my first love.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, she called me routinely and sent me a Christmas present with a note that said if I were closer to her, she’d give it to me in person.
Silly me decided to make a grand gesture and fly to see her on Christmas night, deliver a present to her, and get back together and live happily ever after. Bought a plane ticket from my hometown, several states away, to her hometown in Illinois. Got in to Chicago in the early evening and was one puddle jumper flight away from her town when the airport cancelled all flights for the evening due to a blizzard (flights ended up being cancelled for the next two days).
Undeterred, I decided to rent a car and just drive the last 200 miles to see her. Foiled again – every single rental car station at the airport was sold out and all off-airport rental car places were already closed. That’s okay, I’d take the Greyhound – except that the bus had left 30 minutes prior and there wouldn’t be any more that night because visibility was so limited by the snow.
Ready to give up, I thought I’d try one last thing. Walked outside to the cab stand and asked the first driver in the queue how he felt about driving to Springfield. I explained to him why I was making this unusual request and his reply was that it was just about the craziest thing he’d ever done, but he’d do it. Jumped in the cab with my bag and Christmas present in hand.
Ended up driving around 35mph the entire way there and shared the entire story with the driver. About 30 minutes away, I started to get worried that she would be going to sleep soon as it was getting quite late. Asked her to stay awake, and when she asked why, I told her that I was coming to see her and deliver her Christmas present in person. She said she was shocked, but wanted to see me and would stay awake.
Minutes after hanging up, her *MOTHER* calls me and asks what in the hell I think I’m doing and tells me that things are over with her daughter. It was unbelievable to me that a grown woman would meddle so much in her adult daughter’s business. At that moment, I was completely deflated – I had thought that after seeing the great lengths I’d gone to in order to get there, her family would understand and be supportive. Instead, my (ex)girlfriend called me and said we’d better meet at a hotel.
My driver dropped me off at a local hotel and I was completely sick over what had transpired in the last half hour of our drive. Everything had started crumbling. I was already in a daze when I paid the $650 cab fare.
Inside the hotel, I waited for my (ex)girlfriend in the lobby. I poured out my heart to her. Ultimately, she said she didn’t want to get back together because she didn’t see how it would work out and she left.
Didn’t sleep a bit that night. Stayed up on the phone with the airline trying to book a flight home. The earliest they could fly me out was still more than 24 hours away. The last thing I wanted to do was sit in a hotel room by myself in my ex’s town after being so flatly rejected.
When the sun came up, I took a cab to the Springfield airport to rent a car. Had to wait three hours for the car rental counter to open up and then another hour for a car to be readied. I proceeded to drive twelve hours home through a snowstorm and cried my eyes out the whole way home. By the time, I got home, I was completely numb (and over $1000 lighter in the pocketbook). I slept for the next two days straight.
And that was the stupidest thing I ever did for love.
During our freshman year at different colleges, my high school girlfriend and I decided to spend the summer in Russia. Or rather, she decided that she wanted to, and I, hopelessly in love with her and eager to see her over the summer, decided to start taking Russian as an excuse to join her.
But she dumped me in March. I had already sort-of committed to the summer, but not really. Yet in my infinite wisdom, I thought myself left with only one choice- follow her to Russia to win her back.
The 8 weeks I spent in St. Petersburg were, as one might imagine, terrible. I had no friends and didn’t speak the language. I lived in a homestay with an 80-year-old Russian woman. Oh, and I watched as she (my ex, not the 80-year-old) fell in love with a Russkie, who, in my pathetic attempt to be near her, I sort of became friends with.
When I got to the airport to come back to America, dejected and stupid as I’d ever been, I didn’t see my flight on the departures list. I asked around in broken Russian, and found out that there are actually 2 separate terminals of the St. Petersburg airport, and I was at the wrong one. Needing to get to my flight asap, and discombobulated as hell, I accepted a cab driver’s offer to get me there for around $100, most of the money I had left.
When I got to the right terminal, the customs officer told me that there was a problem with my visa. I couldn’t leave until I got it taken care of, and the next flight wasn’t for 3 days. It was back to the nasty 80-year-old woman.
Except when I got there, she was gone, and the door was locked. When I called her, she told me that she had gone to her dacha (Russian country home), and wouldn’t be back for a month.
So at this point, I have no money, no girl, and no place to sleep. I got my visa taken care of, but still had to lug most of my stuff (except for what I’d left at the airport) around for 3 days. The only person I could call was…my ex’s new boyfriend.
But, pathetic as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
So my last 3 nights in Russia were spent on a cold beach, in a train station, and in a 24-hour bookstore. I almost got a full night’s sleep in the bookstore, but was awoken by a terrifying man yelling at me in Russian. When I clearly didn’t understand him, he said, in a not-too-accented English, “Get out.”
So I arrived in America dirty, dumb, and loveless. Five years later, I’m just about over her.
This is a poignant question for me since the finality of our separation (and my rejection) is still fresh – as in, 2 weeks old fresh (its May 29th, 2013, as I write this).
We met in college, in a class, by chance. We both went to the top university in the country – I had transferred in after 2 years at another school, she was a French citizen who had chosen to study in North America. One day in class she, a then total stranger, asked me something about the midterm on her way out after the lecture. We casually chatted and I sat there, waiting for my next class to begin (which was in the same room). The teacher never came, the class never began (lecturer was sick, I suppose), so we went to lunch.
We hit it off. Became friends. She had a long-distance boyfriend but they were on the rocks. I bided my time, didn’t pressure it. Eventually, one time, we hooked up in her dorm room, middle of the day. Then she got back with her ex, and again I backed off…
Fast forward one year later. We again share a class together, by chance. Again we hit it off, flirt, chat, become friends, she becomes single, we become something more. Start dating. It goes well. Lots of chemistry, great sex, she is French, exotic, foreign, I am charismatic, cool, confident. We become a star couple.
I graduate a year early. She comes visits my hometown on the west coast for summer. We maintain the relationship long distance – we are in love, totally and absolutely. I visit her several times during the year. I quit my job, which was well-paying with room for advancement, because it got in the way of our relationship. I try to find work back in our university town but there is none, and I return home, defeated. She comes for Christmas, forgoes visiting her family back in Europe. I visit again. She makes plans to move to my city after finishing that April.
Then it really starts. She has a breakdown in finals. Needs to return home to Europe. I am utterly heartbroken – I have severed relations with my family, taken on a shitty and underpaid job, am sleeping on my friends couch to save up money for when she arrives so we can rent our own place together. That all falls apart.
I follow her to Europe. To European Country. I turn down a 60k job offer back home. Move in with her parents. Enroll in a 2nd degree at considerably inferior school to where I came from. I am totally and utterly socially isolated, alone, completely broke, European Country is F’ing expensive, I am struggling, become depressed, suicidal. Still, I cling to the love I felt.
She tells me she is having second thoughts about our relationship. That, I am so depressed, and down, and dark, she doesn’t want me around. Great. Nice. Throw away everything to be in a dark, foreign, expensive country, and tell me to leave when it gets rough. We work things out and I decide to stay, keep trying at it.
After Christmas I can’t take it anymore. I am suicidal, utterly depressed, socially isolated, meanwhile she is on a solid career track, has tons of friends, goes out all the time – generally loving life in her natural element, and there I was, rotting away in misery. I end up leaving voluntarily.
A few weeks later it all snaps into focus – I was making MYSELF unhappy, it was all my fault, I just need to try again! I had dropped out of the school so I call them back, plead with them, argue, desperately, email several officials, borrow 20k from various sources, pay deposits to get back into the system.
I email her, heart filled with love, and hope, for a second chance, outlining my master plan, my realization of my own shortcomings, my desire to make our lives together once again.
Her response? I don’t want our relationship to continue.
As I mentioned that was 2 weeks ago.
So, 2 years, tens of thousands in flights, moving expenses, tuition, 60 – 90K in lost earnings, and now a burning insecurity as to why I was rejected.
And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Yep, Love is pretty Fucked Up.
UPDATE: 7 months later and honestly I couldn’t be happier with how things turned out. Edit: some people have asked why I am so happy now.
It was a slow process over the summer, but the main theme was : falling back in love with myself, my own life, and what I’m doing as an individual (in contrast to doing things as a couple). The entire relationship was characterized by dependence – dependence of my happiness on being with her. Since it was long distance for a long time, I always felt either in the wrong city, or when I was with her, there was a clock ticking on when I had to leave and therefore when I would be unhappy again. That sucked, living with that sword hanging over your head.
Then, in European Country, I was doubly more dependent on her for everything – meeting people, navigating the country, making friends, feeling adjusted. Looking back, I realize that for most of the relationship I was deeply deeply unhappy and depressed, largely because this extensive dependency prevented me from going out and doing what I really wanted, or felt like, or thought would be the best for myself.
So, the crazy lesson in this is three fold:
- Dependency breeds depression through feelings of being trapped with no options.
- Life is awesome when you do whats best for you, and terrible when you don’t.
- You can be madly in love but still deeply unhappy and unsatisfied (and the love can prevent you from acknowledging it).
2nd UPDATE: 8 months later.
This is going to sound nuts, because I’m 25 and have essentially only had one relationship, but I’ve met another and am madly in love once again. And this time, its on equal footing, where neither of us are making big sacrifices for the sake of the relationship. And, happily enough, she is far more beautiful, intelligent, and a better fit for me than the previous one.
The real life lesson in this is that love comes again. And I will know that fully and truly from now on. Even if this relationship doesn’t work out, its not the end of the world, there will be good times and bad ahead. And, when you’re in the deepest pits of despair, you never know just how good things can get right around the corner. Anyone telling me 8 months ago about just how happy I’d be right now, Id say “yeah fucking right”.
But here I stand, a vastly improved, re-forged, rejuvenated individual, following my passions without holding myself back, doing what I love, falling in love, generally loving life.
I couldn’t thank my ex enough for saying No, breaking my heart, and giving me the chance to rebuild myself from the ground up into a Self 2.0. If only to be the person I’ve become in the aftermath, I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.
I tried to become “perfect”.
The whole story of meeting Amy is bizarre from the get-go. I had been dating this woman (whose name I now cannot remember) but we had broken up and remained friendly. One day she called to invite me to a party, letting me know there would be many interesting women there. At the time I was dating frequently and shrugged diffidently — I would go to the party but I was cavalier about it. I didn’t shave or put on clean clothes. I just showed up with a couple of bottles of wine, kissed the hostess and walked in.
It was a total sausage fest. Very few women. Lots of men. I made a single pass through the house, told a few jokes, laughed at a few jokes, had some wine and started to head out — another wasted evening. But as I passed through the kitchen I came across a woman sitting on the washing machine in the kitchen and in conversation with the hostess. She wasn’t very attractive but she was one of the few women there, and no guys were swarming around her, so I decided to chat for a few minutes rather than run home early.
We got to talking. Her name was Amy and she had a great smile which lit up the room. She was smart and quick but I was unimpressed. In my mind I was saying to myself, I will ask her out and give her the thrill of her life. haha. So I did. It was no surprise that she gave me her card and wrote her home phone number on the back. I stuck her card in my pocket, waved good bye and left. And promptly forgot about her.
A week or so later I was doing laundry and came across her card in my pants. I decided to call her for a date. We set up a time for me to pick her up at her house. That day I did the typical preparation, showered, shaved, put on nice clothing, got dressed. I drove to her house, and was impressed at how nice it was, classy, subdued, well-cared for. When she let me in, I noticed she was well-dressed in expensive and conservative clothes. We shared some wine and she showed me her hobbies. She played and instrument and was an accomplished painter. Then we went to eat. Things went smoothly and at the end of the evening, I asked her for another date and she agreed.
The second date went well, and we scheduled a third. At this point I still wasn’t taking her seriously, but I knew something was up when I found myself pulling into her driveway at 1:30 for a 3:30 date. I drove around for 2 hours til it was time to see her and was surprised at how anxious I was.
That night while driving home I realized I was in love with her, in love for the first time in my life. I was panicked and terrified. I knew there was now no room for error. I knew she liked me. We had had three good dates, lots of fun, some passionate kissing. We were scheduled to go on a hike the next week and it had to be perfect. It was also the first time she would be at my house, which would never measure up to hers.
The next day I called a landscaping company and paid top dollar to insure my house was as perfect as it could be. I went out to REI and bought the best hiking clothes, backpack, socks and boots I could find, despite already having serviceable equipment. I made sure I knew the hiking route backwards and forwards. There could be no error.
I did my best to be charming, suave and the perfect hiking host that day and we ended up making out heavily on my couch. Things couldn’t have been better. But as soon as she was gone, i was in a total panic — what more could I do? How could I be more perfect.
More dates came and went, and they were going downhill. I was always screwing up at the wrong point. Finally, the day came when she gave me a call to say it was over. “I liked you when this started,” she said, “but I can’t figure out who the hell you are.” My attempts to be perfect had failed. I had discarded my real self, whom she liked, in a vain and foolish attempt to be the perfect me. Of course I failed. I was heartbroken.
A year went by. I thought of her often. She was the One. I knew it then, the one I could marry. But time heals all wounds, and after a year or so, I came across her email and figured perhaps we could at least be friends. I sent her an email. She responded positively, and was happy to hear from me. I said, “Let’s be friends,” and scheduled a platonic get-together at a Tony Bennett concert. But as soon as I saw her, I knew there was no possibility of us ever being friends. I was still as in love with her as I ever was.
We went to the concert. It was romantic. We held hands. We had wine. We kissed softly from time to time. I was so happy. It was going to happen. At the end of the night I dropped her off and went home, feeling scared and happy. The next day I sent her an email. I told her everything I couldn’t say a year previously, that if I had told her how strong my feelings were so soon after meeting her that she would have run away, and that I still thought she was better than bacon and eggs in the morning. I wanted to know if there was any possibility of us being together.
Her response was, “No.” She had had strong feelings for me once, but in the year since she had started to date someone else. My contact with her made her realize she needed to make a choice. She went out with me to test her feelings for the new guy. Now she was certain he was the one for her. I was the loser. They married and have two children now. And me? I still think of what could have been more than ten years later, what might have been, and how all I have of her now is a tree I had planted the week before she came to see me that first time, a tree I dubbed “Amy” as soon as it was planted. They always tell you to “be yourself” and it turns out they are right. The problem is, they never tell you how to do it.
This story is probably best suited to be in the annals of the stupid, yet true, romance stories.
Ten years ago, I was just out of the university when I met this girl. She was young, beautiful and her smile just lit up the room. I was a nerd, physically unattractive and never been in a relationship. I was also very naive as events turned out. It was my first relationship. I had never had success with girls. I came from a ‘psychologically inadequate’ family background and had serious self esteem issues.
Four months into the relationship (I will not bother to waste the reader’s time narrating how we happened to be dating), she came crying to me one day. Her brother was ill, had been ill for a week (I eventually found out he had been in the hospital for six months at the time), and needed a kidney. Their only surviving relative was unwilling to donate hers and she was worried that her brother would just die.
(An aside, I live in a third world country and there is nothing like waiting for an organ donor. If you needed one, you would have to hope for someone you know to donate it or die a long and painful death.)
Then came the torrent of tears from her pretty face and I knew that I was going to do something really crazy. I volunteered to donate a kidney. She looked at me in disbelief. You can’t be serious, she sniffed. But I was. I assured her that if I was a good match, I would donate one and her brother would not have to suffer much longer. I was young and very healthy. I figured that there was nothing to lose and a lot to gain by being the hero in her eyes.
Knowing that my family would never agree to such an action on my part, I didn’t tell them anything until a day to the surgery. The hell they raised is better imagined.
Fast forward to one week post operation. She came to see me since I was leaving the hospital that day. She was full of gratitude. She was full of life. Her brother’s surgery was successful. She would be eternally grateful to me. She would be happy to spend the rest of her life with me. And so on. I felt like the king of the world. That such a stunningly beautiful girl would feel indebted to me gave me the best feeling in the world.
But things didn’t remain so pretty for long afterwards. She began to give excuses for not coming to see me. If I called to ask if I could come over, she would make up funny reasons why not. She was busy. She was out of town. She was tired. She was having a mood swing and didn’t want to see anybody. Eventually, two months after my good, eh, stupid deed, she broke up with me. Her reason? She didn’t want to waste her time with a sentimental fool. Her exact words.
(I found out later that the ‘brother’ in the hospital was in fact her long time fiancé whom she loved very much.)
Since then, my already low esteem is yet to fully recover from the blow that being in that relationship dealt me. That was my first and possibly the last relationship I will ever be in. I was a fool indeed.
Here is what I did for a guy, who I liked but he did not even know I liked him. (For the first 3 points below, he probably knew I existed but we hadn’t even like said a “hi” to each other!)
Background: He was in my class when I was in college and I was truly, madly, deeply, (aka crazily) in love with him.
1. Bicycling around campus in the hot (and I mean 112F hot!) sun for hours at end hoping to “casually” run into him: I can hear someone say stalker, so let me say outright I wasn’t trying to follow him everywhere per se. Just hoped to run into him somewhere so we might strike up a conversation. Might I mention that the temperatures in my college average 105F in the summer, touching up to 112F.
2. Rejecting a summer internship to stay back on campus because he was going to: I got this opportunity to work with a small firm in my 3rd year of engineering. It would have been an amazing experience, except he was going to be on campus. I just made up an excuse of working with a professor on some summer project and stayed back. For most of the summer, I did (1) above. Screwed up my project, and lost an opportunity to convert an internship into a job. Oh, and I ran into him only once during that entire summer. (See (3) below)
3. Losing my brand new cellphone because I was too lost in looking at him: At the beginning of the summer (on my birthday actually), I had bought this amazing super-sleek phone (which was very much in vogue then) that was a little more expensive than I should have spent. Towards the end of that summer, one day when I was bicycling away, I saw him walk out of the library into the shopping area (which had the restaurants and coffee shops and stuff). I entered the restaurant that he did, and thought I might maybe join him for lunch “casually”. While I was still placing my order, I saw him walk out and then I realized I wasn’t even hungry and didn’t care about completing my order. So I walked out of the restaurant, but couldn’t find him anywhere. I turned back and realized (ya, you guessed right!) my cellphone was gone. I had left it at the counter and by now somebody had flicked it. I searched, asked the restaurant people etc. but nope. Nada.
I had to make do without one for a few months before I bought another really basic phone.
4. This is the biggest of them all. Giving up grad school to work in the same city as him: By the time I was in my graduating year, we both had got job offers in the same city. I wasn’t actually looking to work because I wanted to go on to grad school- the job was my backup in case I didn’t get any admits. I had given my GRE and scored well and shortlisted schools. I even had an SOP draft ready. All I needed to do was sit down and fill applications. But then I heard about his job offer. I texted him to congratulate (by then we were acquaintances.) and had a general chat about whether he was going to take it up. The minute he sent a reply saying “Planning to work for 2 years and then maybe I can fund myself for grad school”, I subconsciously dropped my application process. Outwardly I still tried to apply during the next few weeks, but eventually called it off and went on to take up the job.
And remember, all this when we weren’t even like friends (let alone be in a relationship).
IMO, all of it was utterly completely stupid. (which is why I am posting as Anonymous). And all for love.
P.S: Once I moved to the job we actually got to talking and eventually dating. This is our fifth year in a successful relationship. Talk about romantic-movie-style story endings :) :)
I “stole” my parents’ rental car and drove 13 hours from LA to Albuquerque stopping only for gas in order to see my love. Certain conditions in my life at that point were keeping us away from each other. I left without word at 6AM, after emailing a lengthy note to my boss that I wouldn’t be coming into work that week because I just had to leave and see the love of my life. We had been forced apart by the aforementioned conditions for 2 months and it was killing us. Around 8AM the “where the hell are you!” texts and calls came rolling in, but I turned off my phone. In the aftermath of all this, my parents had to make up a ridiculous and lengthy fake trip to the rental car company to explain the miles, as one of the conditions upon the rental was that it was to be used only in-state. So what happened to us? I ended up marrying her. Love can make us crazy, do ridiculous things, but I regret none of it.
This is a story about how I could have done something utterly stupid, but luckily didn’t.
I met this guy at work. We grew pretty close and moved from acquaintances to close friends within a short span of time. He was dating few girls back then. We always used to talk about them and laugh during lunch breaks. I did not have any feelings or emotions for him and I was pretty sure about that. We used to discuss and laugh about his girlfriends and my crushes. But, I loved spending time with him.
This one girl he liked flew all the way to see him over a weekend. I don’t know why I felt so restless over that weekend. I didn’t want to call him and disturb him over weekend.
On Monday, we were having lunch and I asked him about the weekend. He told me he had a great time with her and he kissed her. I dropped my spoon and started weeping, not just weeping, sobbing uncontrollably. Luckily, there was no one else in the pantry. I fled from that place while there was a dumb stricken look on his face. I cried all the way back home. I rejected and ignored all his calls and messages. Next day was a public holiday and I had enough time to contemplate and decided that I would resign from the job very next day. I couldn’t bear working with him. I had not yet figured out what emotions I was going through. I started looking for new positions the entire day whilst sobbing and nose blowing (yes, still). Finally, I had to give up and picked up his call since he had given like a zillion missed calls.
I tried to be brave and apologized for my behavior and declared the end of our friendship. He begged me not to do that. Even, he did not know what was happening. He told me he would end things with her and all he asked was to stay friends with me. This made me sad and happy at the same time for some reason. So, I told him that I wasn’t bothered by that and I would stay friends with him. He kept dating her, but our friendship seemed more formal since. His relationship with her was strained too and I could see that. But, I never talked to him about that.
But for some reason, he used to call me every night and we spoke for hours till dawn. I knew I wasn’t supposed to do that with a guy who had a girlfriend. But, I was dying to talk to him every night. One fine day, the dreaded couple broke up for some dreaded reason. He called me that night and asked me to hug him and we just slept with our phones in our hands.
Five years down the line, I am looking at him snoring as I pen this down. All the way, I loved him. That was what made me sob uncontrollably. I have my very obvious reason. I am glad I did not end our friendship and I am glad I did not resign back then.
I had my doubts if he felt the same way all the way. One day, I stumbled across this chat with his “dreaded-ex”. He had mentioned about me to her .He had told how much he was close to me and how he adored me. Obviously, the “dreaded-ex” was furious. But, I guess we have talked enough about her. I need to get my sleep now as I need to prep for a big event in few days – our wedding :)
9. Anna Rardin
I spent 6 1/2 years changing my appearance, mannerisms, and personality to appease my ex-boyfriend. I was never skinny enough. I was never feminine enough. I wasn’t allowed to make male friends. He coerced me into having sex when I didn’t want to on countless occasions. He was emotionally manipulative and controlling. But I let it all happen. I let it continue to happen.
In the end I still wasn’t exactly what he wanted and I had lost my sense of self-identity along the way.
10. Sharla Griffiths
I met the love of my life in July after I graduated from high school. We fell in love very quickly, and I knew he was The One. We started a long distance relationship that spurned a LOT of stupid love actions.
First, I dropped out of a 4 year university degree, losing many scholarships in the process, in favor of a 1 year certificate program at college. I might add that the certificate is not recognized in my current city, anyway.
This started 8 months of living 600km apart. Every second weekend, we’d each drive ~300km to meet halfway in my hometown, or one of us would drive the full distance. We’d spend less than 48hours together, and each go home. This happened no matter what; through honest to goodness blizzards, snow, ice, and rain. I once drove on a freshly-snowed-on highway with no tracks whatsoever, to get home! Another time, a police officer called my bf from a town on the way to me, to tell him to drive safer, because people had made complaints (oops!).
A year after meeting, I moved to his unknown city, with no job waiting, no friends, barely any savings left, and an useless certificate. He worked evenings, with a dismal salary, and 4 years of trade school ahead of him.
We got married that fall, two broke kids (19 and 20), living in an apartment, barely making ends meet. Two years later, we’re still broke (okay, it mostly just feels that way now!), building a house together, and expecting our first child.
We’re doing just fine. Happier than ever. All those crazy, stupid things just worked out.
11. Bipin Gohel
So, There was a girl in my office, I had crush on her for couple of weeks. We hardly get to talk to each other because we worked in different domain and most of the time we were loaded with tons of work. plus, I don’t like to jibber-jabber even if she was first girl ever I really liked.
We had couple of encounter on the floor and sometimes, had small-talk with her in cafeteria or near water-cooler.
One evening, I was on call with our client (via VOIP) with my PM, tech-leads and some other the team-members. The situation was bit tensed as usual. We were legging behind in our project time line and had few issues with earlier releases. So I was discussing those issues with team and meanwhile, I was glancing over her. I took my eyes off her for few secs and then, she wasn’t at her desk. Immediately, I stopped speaking, and I had strange feeling that I had never before, like, gumption. My brain reminded to my heart, that it was Friday, So I cant see her for next two days,
On next sec, I left the meeting, came down to my floor, ran to my desk, grabbed my bike’s key from desk-drawer, ran to the elevator door. Seeing both lifts approaching ground floor, ran down six stories to the basement parking in a jiffy only to find out my bike was terribly jammed between other bikes. Somehow, I managed to pull out my bike, may be the adrenaline rush was in action or something. Next scene, on the road, trafficked by a typical evening Indian traffic, some of you may have experience. Only very small portion of brain was occupied for handling this rash driving while rest of the brain was busy scanning all girls on scooter on both side. Thanks to my stalking talent, I already knew in which direction she lived, color of her scooter, etc. To make matter worst, most of girls on vehicles had scarf on face. Not locating her in that mess made me even more furious. I almost had hit one guy on a cycle. But luckily, after around 1 km of rash driving, my brain found the match. There she was! I rode my bike parallel to her scooter and said, “Hi”. She replied the same with a smile. That is it. I turned my bike towards my flat with a broad smile.
Later that night, I found that it wasn’t Friday, It was Wednesday. Once again, the evil brain had tricked my poor heart. I got to see her for next two days.
So in summation, I left my colleagues in middle of meeting without saying a word, ran like hell, drove like crazy, just to say ‘Hi’. I mean WTF. But when I saw her on following morning, the smile on her face, the expression, made me realized it was worth it.
And, after couple of weeks, I had very first date with her.
I was an overseas student pursuing a degree in Sydney, while the girl I love stayed in China for college. I was one year ahead of hear in terms of uni progress and my English was considered *above average* among Chinese students. For the entire four years of her college, I’d done most of her assignments. Initially it was just for her English sub-major, then gradually I took over all other stuffs too. I remember some days after I finish long day my work (in a small IT company doing programming) and all my coursework I’d happily chat with her and ask whether if’s anything I could help with. I don’t want her to suffer from all those non-sense assignments or presentations that she had to do. So I would voluntarily pull an all-nighter very often to either write a paper or make slides and scripts for her presentation. I was living in a living room at the time and the internet in my apartment sucks. So I always pack up my stuff and go to my uni to spend the night doing her assignments there. I just felt like as long as I can make her happy, then all my fatigue and sacrifices are worth it……….Until one day after I woke up from one of those nights I checked her blog status update, it reads like”WOW I HAD A FANTASTIC NIGHT I’M SO HAPPY THANKS DUDE”….. I was really upset and felt like shit…but I don’t want to appear to be over-sensitive. So I kept the disappointments to myself.
Then this kind of shit happens again, again…and again…Until one day I felt like the only reason she keeps talking to me is because I can do her assignments…and those other guys who also like her can only pay someone else to do it…..(normally with a worse quality)…. I felt like shit, but I still did her assignments when she needed….what a douche…
To cut stories short, I returned to China after I finished my degree, even though I was granted with an Australian residency. I told her I don’t care where stay as long as I’m with her. And I finished her synthesis…then she graduated…and would not see me or pick up my phone calls….and blocked me in WeChat(it’s kinda like whatsapp)….
A few days ago I was talking to one of my friends who also knows her, and while I was playing his phone I saw the photos she posted on her WeChat….she was holding another guys’s hand……
Honestly I’m still not over it. Deep down inside, I know she never had interests in me…..I just kept believing a miracle would happen and she would be moved somehow….just to get by days…..I kinda had a very-low self esteem…
If I’ve learned anything….then that is, love is predicated on ATTRACTION….effort is important…but you have to be a better YOU first…get rich, get ripped, get a swag….and relationships would be so much easier.
13. Ozzie Larpez
Forgave a cheater, several times… Worst thing anybody could possibly do.
14. Joe Como
The stupidest thing I ever did for love was when I was in high school, suffering from the two deadly traits of hopeless romanticism and staggering naivety. One day at school, I saw from afar this GORGEOUS brown-eyed, tanned, brunette whom I had never seen before. She was a new girl at our school and she was, in my eyes, the most beautiful girl that had ever been. But I was much too shy to simply go up to her and ask her out. I had a much better plan: secret admirer!
I had a newspaper route for the first few years of high school, so I was always up early in the morning before the world awoke. My plan was to place a series of gifts on her doorstep with a poem, keeping it anonymous until the big reveal when she would be swept off her feet.
I was able to snag her address from a mutual friend, and after finishing my paper route one early morning, went to the local 7-11 (only thing open at that hour), bought a bag of Hershey’s Kisses and deposited them on her doorstep along with a heartfelt piece of bad, teen-aged poetry (I assume… I have no recollection of what I wrote exactly!).
I did this two times, the second time leaving a bag of Oreos (heh, yes, Oreos! Who doesn’t like Oreos?!) and another treacly poem. Who knows how long this would have gone on (maybe forever, considering my shyness), but after the second sojourn, the gig was up. I never found out exactly how my anonymous veil was pierced (I suspect it was the mutual friend who had given me her address), but one of the girl’s friends confronted me one day at school as the gift-giving Romeo. I denied everything, but I’m a bad liar and probably looked like a dog that has been caught digging into the garbage.
Unfortunately there is no happy ending to this story, as the target of my affections did not share my feelings and, in fact, was more bemused than struck by any Cupidian arrow. There was embarrassment galore, especially on the off occasion when I would see her or her friends in the halls (thankfully, we had no classes together!).
But on the positive side of the ledger, I learned some valuable lessons about how NOT to go about wooing a girl and I think this particular failure helped to spur me to overcome my shyness over time. If you met me now, you would never guess that I ever had a problem talking to girls! So, thank you, high school crush, for giving me a nice, firm push in the back along the path of self-development. I couldn’t have done it without you!
I met a girl online. She lived in the city next to mine. After few chats and emails, we decided to meet. First day I meet her and I am falling for her. Confessed that I am liking her (which sounds really ridiculous for a first meet, not even a date). She says I should not. She says maybe I am liking her but we have different cultures and families won’t agree. So she knowingly refrains herself from not getting relationship with other cultures. (Ok, let’s not start a rant about cultures. It is what it is, I understand, no offense taken. You should not too dwell on this piece of info. Please, continue reading).
I don’t give up. Tell myself, maybe one day I can make her change her mind. Call her the next morning and said, I am fine but let’s not stop meeting. I don’t have any friends. You don’t have friends who you go out with. Let last night be a tale of the past and move ahead with a fresh start. She is happy. I am happy. At this point, I am not trying to impress her or anything. I too start taking her as a friend. But, heart is a bitch. It keeps repeating things in your mind. I let myself drift off with heart but I never force my feelings on her. She studied in a college. I was studying too. Every evening I would meet her, go around eating and window shopping, and then drop her off to a safe place near her house. While our study places were near and in the center of the city, our houses were on the opposite end of the city. I would still, every evening drive for an hour and half to drop her and then drive back to my home, 2 and a half hours. EVERY DAY !
Time passes. One day on the phone she tells me about someone in her culture whom she likes a lot. I keep the phone down, turned off the lights and cried into the dark, all night. The guy lives in a different country and she met him some time back. So, we are still able to meet regularly and go out with our routine. One day, I get to know that the guy met an accident and is seriously injured. While, I considered him my nemesis but I would never want something that terrible to happen. I hoped he would be fine and get on with this girl. She liked him, she wanted to live happily with him and I think that was the thing that mattered most to me – She being happy. I am all set to hand over this girl to that guy when tragedy strikes and that guy passes away. She is broken. She stops calling me. Days turned into weeks. I am waiting desperately for her call. I call her and then cut the phone. I do it several times a day. Maybe she will call me. She doesn’t. I dunno what to do. I would just want to talk for once and see how is she doing. Well Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I tell myself to just go away. I am all set to go but then one day I get a call. And, then she tells me about a guy in her college who was with her supporting emotionally and taking care of her when she was in college. I am not sure what to say. What was I doing earlier? wasn’t I taking care too? Anyway, so I ask about details. I notice that guy is from a different culture. I question, why her principles changed and she said she had no control. She was emotionally down and he helped. I was thinking…well I was there too for you. You never let me talk. Not even a call the whole time. I was starting to feel like a fool but the bitch, yes the heart, kept telling me that I can’t lose to this guy. If the battle is between him and me, I would make sure I am in it with all my weaponry. I tell her it’s fine, if she is happy but I tell her clearly that I am in too now. I love her and no matter what she wants, thinks, says…I am loving her. She can go ahead with this guy, but now she knows that I love her.
I am pretty sure this guy is just another guy in the crowd. He just had the advantage of being with her in the college. Well, won’t be forever. And, the day came. College was over. The guy went back to his city. I am now thinking, let’s see who keeps up with this situation now. Events happen, and finally in the end the guy treats her badly. She travels long distance to meet him and he starts to question her what is so special about him that she is madly in love, why she has to travel so long distance to meet him. I am thinking either this guy is too practical or just nuts. A beautiful pretty girl is madly in love with you and you are scolding her for that. She tell him that it’s over. Well, I don’t know what to do. She tells me she feels alone and I am quick to jump into supporting her. Took her out, we eat, we shop. I am stupid but this whole time I was in love with her but I never thought I should be an opportunist and try to leverage on her emotional imbalance. I give her all the support she needs. I get a job near her home. She goes back to college. Now think about this: her college is in the center of the city; my office is near her home which means every morning I am cross the whole city to reach office; after office I go and pick her up; go around and drop her; drive back to my home. You know how much motivation and strength you need to do that everyday? Only if you have been in love.
I tell her clearly that since everyone is out of my way, I want her to think about me. She thinks about me. She likes me. She even told she would want to marry me. But, not against her family’s wishes. Well, her parents find a nice guy for her. I am told about it. What can I do? I was a sore loser in love. I have been there done that. What the hell makes a difference if there is a new guy in the picture now? I don’t care. I love her, that what matters to me. I don’t want to retire and say “Shit I could have tried more”. I keep meeting her, listen to her talking about that guy, telling her that I still love her no matter whom she is getting married too. Well, how long can you evade the truth? The day comes. She is all set to marry this guy. She is happy about it. I am invited to the wedding. I go there, being a good person that I have always been, supporting her all the time. It won’t seem good backing out now that I know that this is the last straw. I get a good wedding gift, wish her and her husband all the best.
I drive back home at night, crying all the way, crying out loud in my car. But that was the last time I would cry for her. I don’t regret anything. I am proud what I did. Even though I know I was stupidly in love with a girl who didn’t reciprocated in the way I wanted but still I wanted to give everything I had. Like they say, love makes you do things that you would never do normally.
Note: Later in my life I would do a more crazy thing for another girl but this time I married her. BOOYAH!!!
16. Sheryl Dehaven
I visited the drunk in jail while he was serving 90 days. I took care of his vehicle and bills while he was there. I loaned him my jewellery to sell and he pawned it 2 days later after I had gotten diagnosed with breast cancer.
Well I took him to Judge Judy. No more stupid mistakes like that! (I won by the way!)
I called my 2 month old girlfriend to tell her that she wasn’t spending enough time with me and instead found out that she had gone out of town for a week, without letting me know. Crazed by anger/dejection I ride my vehicle at top speed (120 Km/h) blindingly onto a steep curve and crash. I luckily survive the crash in spite of riding sans helmet (- no idea how I survived!) but did pick up a nasty fracture on my left hand and terrible bruises on the leg.
That’s not the end of the story. A fortnight later, when I felt I could no longer live without seeing her, I ask her to come over and she claims its raining and she is not finding transport. What do I do? I wrap a polythene bag around my Plaster of Paris(to prevent it from getting wet), and ride one handed to pick her up.
Long story short – we broke up 8 months later and all that I ever did for her, turned out to be stupid.
I was in Delhi then and was the quintessential step son of capitalism for I had passed out in 2009, the black year of campus placements and got myself involved in an entrepreneurial stint which was leading nowhere. When I met her, I had already applied for a research profile and after 10 days of meeting her, I was asked to leave for Mumbai for the job I had just landed.
These 10 days were intoxicating. We would catch up at 5:30 P.M, talk about all things under the sun till probably 11 P.M after which we would go back home and continue it over telephone till 4 or 5 A.M. The 10th day we made out like crazy and just could not keep our hands off each other. I was madly, deeply and as it would turn out eventually, sadly in love.
It had been 3 months in Mumbai. I was raking phone bills of 8k every month because of the 24/7 conversations we were having. When I was smoking, I was on the phone with her. When I was eating, I was on the phone with her. When I was on the stairs to head to our other office on 1st floor, I was with her. The office internet had firewalled FB, Gtalk etc. so phone was the only mode through which I could reach her.
4th month onwards, I just could not think about anything else. Every Friday, I would leave office, head home, pack a couple of tees and jeans, and would take the next available flight to Delhi. Yes, I did this for 30 weekends straight. Trains were not an option because I had to maximize the time spent with her. With a salary of 32.5k and the flight expenses alone being ~64-65k, I was going aground, but, as this was blinding love, I did not care shit. Every 15th of the month, I was taking debt from friends to meet the expenses. By the end of the 8th month in Mumbai, I was already – 2 Lakhs.
Then came the moment. One fine day, out of the blue, with nothing to warrant that it’s coming, I got a text
“I think we are overdoing it. Please do not come over this weekend. I am heading out with my family”
I texted her back.
“Allright. But why the overdoing bit?”
“Because it’s scary. I need to get back to work. Will call once out”
I did not pay much heed to the text. She was mine, all mine. She has a habit of me. She probably had a hard day at work. She will be her giggly self once we talk in the evening. Or so I thought.
15 days after this text, she got engaged, not to me off course. Turns out that my lady love was courting this investment banker and her parents had hitched her to this dude one fine day. She told me that she got back home after work and her parents showed her the pictures, which she “liked” and knew “instinctively” that “he was the one”.
I am still paying back the debt I had accrued then. 20k is still left to be paid. Not that it was the only thing I lost. I lost myself in that process. Yes, your everyday responsibilities make you think beyond what happened in your bubble but it never really leaves you. It tore me apart as it did the many others who have answered here but it tells me that there is a reason why nice men finish last.
19. Avi Pal
The crazy things we do for love…
I was 22, had just started my Masters in a french school. We were all from different countries and there were these exchange students taking classes with us. In particular there was this Russian girl called Veronika. Beautiful, blue eyes, blonde hair, she was perfect. I knew her, hello hi, but nothing more than that the whole year she was in school. I knew was was no match for her- she was a 9/10, I was a geeky guy good at chatting and studying and nothing else. She left school, we lost touch.
Fast forward 2 years. My 25th Bday is approaching and my friends convince me to celebrate the big day in St. Petersburg, Russia. I agree after finding the cheapest ticket to Moscow from Paris. i had just finished school, but the job was starting in 3 months, so I was still living off my parents money. Before leaving, I check via facebook of any people I knew in Moscow, since I would have 24 hours in Moscow, and why not catch up over a coffee with some local friends. Surprisingly her name turned up, and I had almost forgotten she was there. This time, I was much more confident and sent her a short message mentioning i was visiting her country and would love to have a coffee if she was free, but i had a few hours only. Surprisingly she replied with her number and liked the idea.
Next step, I find myself in Moscow, we text and decide to meet in the evening before my train to St. Pete. We meet for a coffee, but the conversation and catching up is so absorbing I lose track of time and suddenly see that 15 mins to my train. We run and take a cab to the station just to find we reached the wrong station. She helps me with the station admn, helps cut the queue so that I get the next train ticket. A nice lady in the queue tells me that I have a great guide. I correct her saying that I have not the great, but the best guide ever.
At the train station, she accompanies me to the platform, waits, we have a picture, but I am still too immature to read the signs. Damn, I was so naive! She wanted to kiss and I never thought that… She goes home, I take the train. She sends a nice text once I board the train, calls me on my Bday next day.
A year passes, and I realize it all, I feel bad. At my stupidity. Decide, one should live a life of no regrets. I call her on her bday, chech with common friends if she is still single (yes), and tell her I might come to russia for a busines strip. I don’t visit my parents – an annual trip, ask my boss for 5 weeks off! and book a flight to Moscow. Next, I am enrolled in a Russian course at Moscow State University, and I call her. She seemed to be busy with work but answered my calls, then she is off for a week in London, then she is back and still busy with work, but answers my calls. Finally 3 weeks pass. I call and sms her this time, but no response. I wait for few days. Finally my last week starts and the whole reason and the expenditure and classes in Russia – to see her, is coming to an end. I decide to call her one last time to say, lets meet. I check her FB page before calling her. And I see pictures of her with another guy from my school from our class. I dont know why she posted those pictures – to send me a message? I decided not to call, to enjoy the last week in Moscow with the few friends I had managed to make and leave. So I did.
A year later I discovered that the guy now had a girlfriend in London and was not with Veronica and that Veronica was single.
Its been 1.5 year now since my Moscow trip to see her. I never heard from her nor wrote to her since my trip. But I did put her above my parents, country, job, financial planning, to try to meet her again, just this once…