Many people jump into relationships thinking about the outcomes, not the work it will take to get there. They think about holding hands, going on romantic dates, taking cute Facebook photos, cooking together, sleeping together, and in general, being in love. Meeting a new person and having instant chemistry is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. The ironic thing about this is that actual chemistry is behind those amazing feelings. Oxytocin is a specific chemical in the human brain that is responsible for how people behave and experience love. I refuse to believe that science can explain all emotional reactions and attachments related to love, but it’s good to know, especially if the timing in your life is not ideal for a relationship. Knowing that oxytocin causes your body to feel naturally excited and emotionally available can help you assess whether or not a relationship is a good idea. Knowing that you will feel these sparks again at a different time in your life can help you make the right decision for you and your well-being.
1. You feel like your baggage defines you
Anything bad or conflicting that has occurred in your past helps shape who you are NOW. You have to accept this instead of dwelling on the fact that you may not be this idealized and perfected version of yourself. You also have to be okay with the fact that your partner might find out some things they would rather not know. If you cannot accept your faults and use them as learning experiences, you’re definitely not ready to discuss them with somebody else. If you are ready to talk and your partner can’t accept your laundry list, then they’re not worth your time anyways. Seriously…they’re not.
2. You’re not confident in yourself
Worrying constantly about what others think of you can bring up real insecurities in a relationship. If you’re obsessed with the perception others have of you, you are going to be obsessed with what your partner is saying and/or thinking about you. A little bit of jealously can be ‘cute’ in a relationship because it shows that you or your partner cares, but a lot of jealousy can be a deal breaker. A lack of self-confidence may not lead to jealousy issues, but it may lead to you feeling badly about yourself. If your partner has certain ideals, habits, or goals that you want for yourself, it can lead to negative self-talk and frustration. Hug yourself! Love yourself! Honoring how amazing you are is necessary before you can honor how amazing somebody else is!
3. You feel like you’re taking care of too many people
You’re a best friend, sister/brother, daughter/son, student, coworker, etc… The number one person on your list should ALWAYS be yourself.
4. You just got out of a relationship
Rebound. It’s cliché and it never works. Get a dog, a cat maybe?
5. You’re busy…like CEO busy…
What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re always budgeting your time? The best way to get to know someone is to be able to spend any part of the day with them, explore with them, and get lost with them. If you’re so busy that you have to plan a date a week in advance, wait until you have the time it will take to build a good relationship.