Thou shalt not confuse an occasional one-night-stand/no-strings-attached fling with a faithful/serious relationship

What your parents didn’t give you.

Feeling the ever-growing chasm between the friends who have “careers” and the friends who have “jobs,” and wondering what side of it is even better to be on.

We all have some stories of things we’d like to un-see.

Take your stack of worn-out, tear-stained, dating advice books and throw them out. Toss them in the recycling bin, use them as coasters on your living room table, glue them…

I may not want to be a lifeguard when I grow up, but “not real jobs” are the place where you develop skills that you’ll need when you actually have…

Don’t do it for vacation. Don’t do it for luxury. Don’t do it to take pictures for your Instagram account. Do it because it will make you a better person.

We legit broke up because he wouldn’t stop cuddling with me.

52. There are many ways to #YOLO without calling it #YOLO.

1. “12 Years a Slave”: Best Picture

Why are we always talking about what “girls” do? Let’s talk about what “women” do.

You COULD live by this maxim. OR you could live by the more appealing, joyless and realistic one that I have stamped on my throw pillow: Fart, vomit, die. The…

The Disney movies seem oddly interested in captive, passive women suffering in extremis, like a Lars von Trier movie for kids.

Getting woken up in the middle of the night to wipe shit out of another human’s ass crack might not be your definition of rock-bottom, but it’s mine.

As humans have progressed, they’ve employed their critical thinking skills in a fashion that challenges things people used to never question.

Tucking yourself tightly under the covers so things can’t get you.

Interviewers like candidates who take initiative! Even if they haven’t asked for a drug test, bring a urine sample.

So please, come along with me, and let’s finally learn all the hidden lessons from R.L. Stine books that you missed the first time around, probably because you were too…

11. “A Game of Thrones”: Everyone You Love Will Die

“Breaking up with that awesome girl in college because I wasn’t ready to settle down. Been trying to find a girl that awesome ever since (or remotely close).”

12. Taking a date to Placita Olvera is totally a cute/viable option, most likely with someone you met while hiking Runyon Canyon.

8. Intentionally Out-Obscuring Your Peers

Who said death had to be this morbid. If you’re crying, please stop. What if my death is a glorious celebration? Could you celebrate it for me?

So basically like strip clubs and Quidditch, that’s what I think an internship consists of.

“A book should be an axe to break the frozen sea within us.” – Kafka

The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don’t have to pay taxes –…

10. “Anchorman: The Legend Continues.”

Intelligence is not measured by exams, creativity not by output, desire not by action and honesty not by circumstance.

You know it’s still on your iPod and, while you may not click on it, if your music is on shuffle and you hear that beat kick in, you’re not…

22. “Silver Linings’ Playbook.”

One of the most dreaded words a fan of horror movies can hear is remake. It sends chills down the spines of eager audiences desperately wanting to get their next…

You spend two hours each day reading travel blogs and websites.

It’s the end to your misadventures in a foreign land, and end to the identity you carefully crafted and experimented with, an end to the reality you authored, an end…

7. I hear the same two jokes over and over again about how I look too tired and should just drink more coffee. Very original. I wake up at 3:30…

I feel like the earth is still getting back on its normal orbit a year after this song made every woman’s ass shake collectively for the first time.

It would solve a lot of problems if men broke up with women only after they’re absolutely certain this is what they want. Try picturing her sleeping with someone else.…

12. A Best Friend.

Words convey our most powerful emotions: love, hate, anger, joy.

“I can eat as much as I want and I don’t gain weight!”

Every minute in America, at least 5 of your Facebook friends are getting engaged (give or take).

There is nothing more simple, and yet we are often far too modest when it comes to what we’re capable of or what we have accomplished. Even when we’ve done…

I’m just poor little Rach(a)el (depending on the intelligence of the commentator) Sacks who just was soooooo sad that a cashier showed her a little disdain.

There is no way this guy doesn’t like you. Look at you. You’re a babe.

You will blow every misstep on his part out of proportion, because inside you know you never should have been with him.

5. “Captain Phillips.”

When I first started, I figured I could control it; and at the beginning I could.

4. “Let the Right One In.”

We all have crosses to bear, don’t we?

I’m not one of those people who try to be poor to relate to people. I think that’s honestly really disgusting behavior, it’s as if you’re saying that you have…

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: you’re out having a fun, drunken night with friends or co-workers and the next morning you wake up staring down at the…