1. Everybody’s going to want to be constantly staring at him, so you’ve got to get used to not getting mad or jealous or insecure, because whenever he walks into a room or down the street or says hi to someone else, every single nearby human being will be unable to avert their gaze. Is it because he’s really handsome? Or is more about his super awesomeness? Yes. And Yes. Deal with it, or try dating someone less super awesome, handsome, and/or strong.
2. Do you have to always be staring at him too? He gets it from everybody else, all day long. Maybe it would be nice for him to have someone to come home to who’s into a little more than just his insanely good looks. You know, there’s a super awesome personality underneath that needs to be engaged.
3. Don’t worry about giving him compliments. He’s routinely being complimented for even the most mundane of things. “Thank you so, so much!” everybody gushing, making a huge deal out of the fact that he held open a door or let someone with only one or two items skip ahead of him at the grocery store. “Really, you are so unbelievably nice!” it’s almost a little too much, like all right, he gets it, he’s really nice and handsome and talented and charming. He gets it, so you don’t have to keep telling him stuff that he already knows.
4. He’ll be really cool to all of your friends, and then after a short while, all of your friends are going to fall in love with him. It’s just human nature, and it’s inevitable. But so what, you get rid of your friends, you still have your family, right? Wrong. After a while, even your sisters and your mom will be wondering how they’ll manage to steal just a little bit more alone time with the man of your dreams. It’s because he’s the man of everyone’s dreams. You get to be with him. You just can’t have any family and friends, because they’ll all be driven insane by jealousy.
5. People are going to ask him to lift stuff, and he’s going to want to do it. Why? Because he’s really strong. Yes, he works out all the time, but I bet you that even if he never went to the gym at all, he’d kind of have that natural Don Draper I-don’t-do-anything-to-deserve-this-physique type of raw natural power. But unfortunately, we’ll never know if that’s the case, because he goes to the gym every day. And he kills it. All of the other gym guys are constantly asking for gym advice, or for a spot, or for protein shake recipes, so going to the gym takes forever. I hope you’re cool with waiting around.
6. Are you one of those girls that gets really weird about guys who constantly pay for the check? Well then let me tell you which kind of guy you should avoid: super awesome handsome strong guys. You know why? Because they’re all really rich. It just goes with being so super awesome handsome and strong and tall and well mannered and funny. I mean, he’s not the kind of guy that’s going to insist on paying for everything, but he’s just going to be so obviously doing really, really well for himself, like he’s going to pick you up for a date in his really expensive car, and take you to a restaurant where not only do they not put prices on the ladies’ menus, they don’t put prices anywhere, there’s only one price, and it’s really expensive, and he’s already put down his credit card. So just be cool with it. Because he’s awesome and handsome and rich and one time he stopped a guy who stole an old lady’s purse on the street, like he chased after the thug and knocked him out, and the old lady was like, “Is he your boyfriend? You certainly are one lucky young lady.” You really are. So just let him pay.
7. He doesn’t want to hear a story about a dream you had last night. He won’t say that to you, of course. Part of the whole being such a super awesome good guy is not saying things like, “Oh my God, not another dream story, these things are so boring,” out loud. No, he’ll smile and nod along and act really engaged, maybe even throwing in a genuine looking smile or a well-timed subtle laugh. But inside of his head, all he’s thinking is, Jesus Christ, I am way too handsome and rich, I have so much going on for me, and I have to sit here and listen to this boring dream story? How much longer is she going to keep talking? When can I leave?
8. He’ll laugh at all of your jokes, but it won’t be a sincere laughter. It’s because his intellect and wit are at a level that you can’t begin to comprehend. The funniest thing that you’ll ever say in your entire life is, to him, nothing more than a knock-knock joke, and a bad one at that. Worse, you’ll never really know, because he’s so good at pretending like he’s actually enjoying whatever it is that you’re saying.
9. If you think you’re a good cook, just don’t bother mentioning it to the well-rounded super awesome handsome charming guy. He’s a renaissance man, and he knows how to cook much, much better than you do. I don’t care how delicious you think your Italian grandma’s secret eggplant parmesan recipe is, OK, super rich guy’s eggplant parmesan is ten times better. He went to Tuscany last winter and paid some actual Italians to have all of their grandmas get together and select from amongst themselves the ten best grandma cooks in all of Tuscany. He then had them over at his gorgeous lakeside vacation grotto where he spent the next ten days living and breathing eggplant parmesan. But what do I know, maybe your grandma’s eggplant is good. Just find some slightly less awesome and rich and handsome guy to feed it to.
10. If you don’t marry him, you’ll spend the rest of your life meeting man after man who never even comes close to measuring up to the memory of how super awesome and handsome your super awesome, handsome, rich, tall, powerful boyfriend used to be. But didn’t you know it all along? Even when things were at their best, wasn’t it tough to shake that pestering feeling like you didn’t deserve him? Like, how could I wind up with someone so incredibly strong and handsome and all around perfect? Well, enjoy it while you can, because it’s bound to end in disappointment. On your end, that is. Mr. Right lives by a code of zero regrets and no looking back. The world is his oyster. Consider yourself lucky that you got to be a part of it, even if only for a second.