Why We Hold On Tightest To The Things That Aren’t Meant For Us

Jenny Woods

I used to wonder how you let go of the things that are killing you, when it feels like it would kill you to let go. How you decide between “if things are meant to be, they will be” and “if you want it, you have to go get it.”

I think we hold on tightest to the things that aren’t meant for us because at some level, we know they aren’t really ours. We’re always seeking the love we know we don’t have. We’re always trying to prove the things that are not entirely self-evident.

We know that when we stop thinking and talking and racking through the details again and again, it will really be over. When all that exists is an idea, holding on is the only way to keep it.

Because letting go has little to do with giving somebody permission to leave our lives, or declare that they don’t love us anymore, or walk away for good, and everything to do with accepting that they already have.

I don’t know about fate. But I do know the things that are ours don’t require us to mentally and emotionally latch onto them to remain. That the best things are never forced, are never created out of ultimatum, never leave us reeling and questioning them for months or years at a time.

I do know that you cannot prove how much you love by how much you’re pained over loss. That you do not prove your character by how well you can convince other people you’re doing the right thing.

And I do know that it’s never the love that hurts you, it’s the attachment to the idea of what it’s supposed to be and how long it’s supposed to be it for. I do know that we will never be able to find real love unless we learn to detach from what it should be. I do know that we’re never going to find true happiness until we do the same. I do know that nothing here lasts, and the idea that it does is an illusion — we eventually lose everything, every last thing we have and are and own.

So the point isn’t what we lose, but what we had in the first place. We aren’t meant to attain things like bullet points on a resume, we’re supposed to go through them and let them go through us.

Some love teaches us what it has to teach us in a month. Some a lifetime. Neither is more important than the other.

The things that are meant for us are the things that force us to stop seeking an external light, but to start becoming it. The things that are meant for us are trying and joyous and beautiful and excruciating. They’re the things we don’t think about.

The things we don’t have to hold on tightly to make happen. TC mark

The human element is always hungry for knowledge, for wisdom, for truth. You will find it, no matter how spiritual or unspiritual you are. You just have to trust a little. But you can do that. It’s within you to be able to do that. It always has been. Discover it here.

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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  • http://chasingmybigdreams.wordpress.com krystallecaritosmd

    Reblogged this on numinous (n.) and commented:
    Beautifully said. :)

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  • http://theninjablogs.wordpress.com/2014/09/12/why-we-hold-on-tightest-to-the-things-that-arent-meant-for-us/ Why We Hold On Tightest To The Things That Aren’t Meant For Us | billet-doux

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  • http://thosefeelings.wordpress.com Emma Wesley

    Reblogged this on Deepest, darkest..

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    […] But I do know the things that are ours don’t require us to mentally and emotionally latch onto the… […]

  • http://anonymousundaetreat.wordpress.com anonymoussundae

    Reblogged this on Memories Kept Within and commented:
    “I do know that you cannot prove how much you love by how much you’re pained over loss. That you do not prove your character by how well you can convince other people you’re doing the right thing.
    And I do know that it’s never the love that hurts you, it’s the attachment to the idea of what it’s supposed to be and how long it’s supposed to be it for. I do know that we will never be able to find real love unless we learn to detach from what it should be. I do know that we’re never going to find true happiness until we do the same. I do know that nothing here lasts, and the idea that it does is an illusion — we eventually lose everything, every last thing we have and are and own.”

    my thoughts exactly

  • http://lapetitedulcet.wordpress.com Alyssa Denise

    Reblogged this on La petite dulcet and commented:
    How you decide between “if things are meant to be, they will be” and “if you want it, you have to go get it.”

  • http://omgitscrisann.wordpress.com/2014/09/15/why-we-hold-on-tightest-to-the-things-that-arent/ Why We Hold On Tightest To The Things That Aren’t Meant For Us | omg it's crisann!

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  • http://414andmemoriesinbetween.wordpress.com jomnavarro

    Reblogged this on 414andmemoriesinbetween and commented:
    She read my mind.

  • http://www.mujerypunto.cl/2015/03/30/por-que-nos-aferramos-a-las-cosas-que-no-son-para-nosotras/ ¿Por qué nos aferramos a las cosas que no son para nosotras? - Mujer y Punto

    […]  Este articulo fue escrito originalmente por Brianna Wiest para Thought Catalog. […]

  • https://kstcindy.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/%e7%95%b6%e4%bd%a0%e7%84%a1%e6%b3%95%e5%81%9c%e6%ad%a2%e6%84%9b%e4%bb%96/ 當你無法停止愛他 | Dolce far niente

    […] Why We Hold On Tightest To The Things That Aren’t Meant For Us. Retrieved July 16, 2015, from https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2014/09/we-hold-on-tightest-to-the-things-that-arent-meant-f… 2. Hudson, P. (2014, March 25). The Pain Of Being In Love With Someone You Can Never Be With. […]

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    […]  Este articulo fue escrito originalmente por Brianna Wiest para Thought Catalog. […]

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