What’s worse: Not knowing these common facts or being continually surprised at how ignorant people are?

Like any good boyfriend, the guy who works at the coffee shop you always go to knows exactly what you want and is eager to give it to you.

Twitter is the land of word vomit and no spell check.

“I miss Rushmore. I miss… the seasons.”

Sometimes we can’t just go to your barber. It’s like handing someone a hairbrush & fingernail polish and asking them to create a beautiful, detailed painting with it.

If Apple’s stock can rise from $21 to $500, so can the wealth of any man.

And it’s not because wanting to make yourself prettier is incongruous with being supportive of women, it’s because it highlights all that is maybe-not-100-percent-sincere in our feminist rhetoric.

1. Pick your nose. It will bleed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You believe in the redemption, in choosing your own path, in underdogs proving their own worth, and all of that. But you also believe in ugly ducklings…

2. It’s not how much you earn, it’s how much you save.

Someone announces on Facebook that they’re starting some new diet or weight loss plan and you’re like “Mmhmm. Okay.”

A new mother wanted her boyfriend’s name tattooed on the chest of her 5-month-old son.

I work at a recycling center and just the other day someone threw a dead cat into the cardboard shredder.

Didn’t just wait for someone to text her back, but kept the window open to see the little ellipses pop up.

Answer their phone calls at 4 A.M and promise them that you were not sleeping, even if you were.

We aren’t heroes. And we get compensated very well for the relatively little education we have.

There is no such thing as “The subway.”

“Am I the only woman who doesn’t enjoy walking around naked for no reason in the locker room? Like, is blow-drying my hair buck naked a part of life I…

In the rainbow spray blown from the lip of a breaking wave, I can see the wind.

I like to think of myself as a somewhat mature person, but there are moments when I want to be entertained by the absolute dumbest things available to me on…

Makeup shopping is a nightmare, because you will never be able to convey to the salesgirl that whatever their most pale foundation option is, you need something at least three…

Contrary to popular opinion, these dudes are all about shedding a tear. Mitchell Bisschop cries, “… at every wedding I go to, good or bad. I think it’s a disorder,”…

Come here and be prepared to work.

Parents did some crazy things in their youth.

2. The Classy Carafe

“There are no labels.”