Thought Catalog

The Danger With Having A Crush In The Time Of Social Media

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Have you ever obsessed over someone you didn’t even know? I’m talking not even knowing their last name, but already picturing your first year anniversary. You could just sit for hours imagining your whole life together; from your first kiss, to your wedding colors, you’re all over it, you’ve got everything covered.

And it’s so easy to do without even noticing. You could be making dinner and then it turns into you making them dinner, wondering if they would like your cooking, if they’re a vegetarian, and wherever else your thoughts can take you.

Soon they’re really ALL you can think about. Your friends think you’re crazy, they won’t say it, but it’s all over their faces. At this point, now you’re asking questions out loud. Where did they go to school? How old are they? When’s their birthday? Where do they live? What do they like? What kind of sense of humor do they have? Are they even funny? An introvert? Extrovert? You. need. answers!

And that’s the worst part… You can actually get the answers. Every single answer you need. SOCIAL NETWORKS GIVE THEM TO YOU. You can easily get to know someone without really even getting to know them these days. Facebook is the gateway network; from there, you’re on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and the next thing you know, five or six hours have passed and you’re wondering why you spent the whole day squinting into your iPhone like a psycho, if said psycho owned an iPhone.

Technology has given us a range access to strangers that were unthinkable in the 90s. It was unimaginable then to think social media would have such an impact on relationships today, whether its stalking someone you hardly know, or finding out your boyfriend is cheating on you via Facebook (keywords: Porsha Stewart, divorce, Twitter). We are so comfortable with publicity. At any given time you can go on Instagram and connect the dots of someone’s entire day, from what they had for breakfast, to a date night with their “him,” which leads to questions like who is this “him,” and praying it’s not your own “him.” 

This accessibility only leads to more elaborate fantasies. Because now there isn’t this perfect person that dotes on you like the world’s greatest significant other, but there’s a real human being, with flaws, perverted jokes (that you laughed at via Twitter), bad habits, good sense of humor, and a propensity to repost weak memes, that you could probably realistically see yourself falling in love with one day. And that’s a huge problem.

Because one day you might actually muster up the courage to actually speak to this person that you’ve pretty much known for two months (even though they don’t have the slightest clue about who you are). What happens if they don’t respond in the way you wish? Because let’s be real, you’ve pretty much already planned out the way your first conversation would go. What if they’re not interested? What if they blow you off? What if they just want to be friends? Then what? THEN YOU SUCK. I’m kidding, but you might actually start to feel like you do suck, even though you don’t. Not even a little bit.

Living in this fantasy world might just be this place we go, because the reality of just approaching your crush might be too scary. Or the even more frightening thought, that all you’ll ever really have with this person, that great love you’ve imagined, will only be in just your fantasies. It may never work out. You may never even become friends.

I don’t really believe in love at first sight. But don’t get me wrong, I do believe that you can look at someone and know that you could fall in good love with him or her. But that can’t happen with every hottie you lay your eyes on. So take it easy, slow down. The best thing to do before you find yourself six months into their Twitter timeline, is to simply start with hello (in real life though). TC mark

featured image – Markus Spiske

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