At some point in your dating life, you will be approached by an older man. You might be at an upscale bar when a handsome, well-suited gentleman with salt and pepper hair saddles up to you and orders you a martini; you might receive an intriguing message from a sophisticated-looking fellow a generation older on a dating site; wherever and however it happens, you should consider his offer. An older man can teach you about life and love, giving a vision into your own not-so-far-off future.
The real older man experience isn’t just a couple years older, but at least a decade in advance of your years. This man offers you a completely different perspective and experience from your typical dating pool of young whippersnappers.
There are of course many pros and cons to dating a man old enough to be your father, or at least your uncle. You’ll find this man to be much more open and available; after all, by a certain age hair loss and the realization of impending death are inevitable, and a man realizes he can no longer keep playing the field. Time is of the essence and he must settle down unless he wishes to spend his nights alone, shouting cantankerously at the television during Wheel of Fortune reruns.
An older man has had more time to rise in the ranks of his career. He hopefully is no longer paying back student debt, which means that he doesn’t have to share a hovel with four roommates and split the bill for Chipotle. He might own a car, a home, or at the very least a sofa not from Ikea.
A man who pays the bills also feels they are owed something. He is entrenched in his life and you will be conforming to his way of living. If he’s used to storing cereal in those airtight Tupperware containers or sleeping naked, don’t expect him to stop just because you’ve arrived on the scene.
There is no substitution for experience, and your old geezer has had many more years to accumulate and learn from them. He has probably already made all the mistakes you can make and can see problems coming from a mile away. He can help advise and guide you through whatever you might be traversing.
Some men may not have actually gained wisdom over their years, only a sense that they know it all. This leads to condescension and a fatherly patronization that is distinctly unsexy. A wise man is the man who knows he knows nothing.
By the time a man is in his 40s, he’s probably had a few serious relationships, which means that he knows how to navigate emotions and is not foolish or idealistic about love. He knows that commitment is work. He also isn’t apt to play games, meaning that he won’t wait an arbitrarily prescribed about of time before returning your call.
CON: Less exciting
A man who is mature is, almost by nature, less exciting. He knows there’s more joy in a quiet evening with a great vintage Cabernet Franc than going out to the club (hopefully). If you crave that youthful exuberance, he probably won’t be the one to give it to you.
PRO: Sexually experienced
The notches on his bedpost have whittled it down to a toothpick. The more partners or sex he’s had, the more opportunities he’s had to perfect his throw down. He knows what he wants in bed, isn’t afraid to ask for it, and also should damn well know by now how to please his partner.
Time and gravity are unfortunate bedfellows. Unless he’s got a good dermatologist on call, likely he’s already started to wilt by the time you got to him. While a few wrinkles definitely add character and gravitas a man, there are other places on the body that sag which can’t be helped.
PRO: Ready to settle down
Older men know their next date might be one with the grim reaper. They have dated for decades, had more flings than a sling shot, and are looking for commitment in the form of a meaningful relationship. If they believe you’re the right one, they’ll tell you so and mobilize to win you over.
CON: Ready to settle down
Sometimes you get into a relationship with an older man, but you know in the back of your head there is an expiration date because you can’t escape the math that represents the ravine between you. Everything feels more serious and you might find yourself dealing with emotions and situations that you’re not prepared to handle.