Molly McAleer

We all love finding someone awesome to swap fluids and hang out with on an exclusive level. Love’s the shit if you can find it. But even in a great relationship, the grass can sometimes look greener.

Relationships are great because you have a partner in crime, regular sex, and the thrill of being in love.

You’re in the perfect relationship… except you’re not. Something about the two of you has just felt off lately.

There’s this whole narrative out there about how you HAVE to move on from your ex because “all exes are exes for a reason” and similar sh*tty commentary that’s typically reserved for overserved brunches. That’s not true.

So you’ve been in this relationship for a minute. Things are going pretty well — you enjoy each other’s company still, you laugh all the time and your sex life hasn’t evaporated. But is that enough?

If you’re not a victim of filicide, permanently mangled or otherwise beyond repair, then your parents did better by you than these 12 scumbags.

“There are plenty of fish in the sea.” No, baby. There are not PLENTY.

Psycho, much?

Surprise you with gross food

It seems like everyone drinks when you go out and everyone drinks when they stay home—so when can someone’s relationship with alcohol be classified as “unhealthy” and how do you know if you in a relationship with one of these unhealthy people?

Keith Morrison is investigating.

Your relationship is all but a ticking time bomb.

Perhaps it’s petty to operate from a place where there’s such a thing as “winners” and “losers” in a break up, but sometimes you have to get that low to rise up and feel like a worthy human once again.…

Go to brunch and see how exhaustingly average most people are. Invite an old friend to a flea market and remind yourself why you stopped hanging out with them.

You have to be able to do this. You just have to.

“Can I get pregnant from my dog? Can my cat?”

Calling other girls basic.

Beside the blood test, here are some other precautions the show takes to ensure that you don’t kill yourself in the process of doing this (yes, you really do get very, very drunk): they give you a fifty dollar booze budget.