8 Things You’ll Miss About Being Single Once You’re Taken

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We all love finding someone awesome to swap fluids and hang out with on an exclusive level. Love’s the shit if you can find it. But even in a great relationship, the grass can sometimes look greener. If you’re single now, don’t sweat it. There are tons of perks to roaming the earth solo and when you finally lock down a new partner, you’ll miss these things from time to time.

1. ALL THE “ME TIME” YOU CAN GET

Wake up at noon, get a coffee, watch three bad movies in a row then go out and get drunk with your friends. That’s a perfect Saturday when you don’t have someone’s needs and wishes to balance along with your own. You’ve got no one to answer to, no one to consider when you’re flipping through Netflix’s “comedies with a strong female lead” category, no double dates with people you don’t know. This can get lonely and it’s hard to appreciate when you’re all, “I just want someone to wooorrrshiiiip meeee,” but trust me when I say that there will be times you long for the days you were a selfish sloth.

2. A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP

I could guess that this is the thing my boyfriend probably misses the most about being single because I drool, pull my night guard out and throw it across the room, babble nonsense and grind my teeth like a third set is going to grow in someday. The ability to lay like a starfish in your own bed without someone talking in their sleep or rolling around making your sheets smell like night sweats is kinda great. Spooning pillows instead of a human gets old, but nothing beats a 10 hour night of completely uninterrupted Zs.

3. SIGNIFICANTLY LESS DRIVE TIME

When you and your bf/gf/whatever-f don’t live together, it’s a lot of driving back and fourth with a bag of your clothes and toiletries. Even when you get your own drawer in his dresser, you’re still hauling over a ton of crap you need to live every time you have an overnight visit. If you’re lucky, you only live ten to twenty minutes away from one another, but if you set your Tinder distance net wide, you could have an hour commute just to get tri-weekly hang time and some booty. Is it worth it? Duh. But you better find some podcasts to listen to because you’re basically going to be living in your car.

4. NOT GROOMING

When you’re single, you can kinda let things go once in awhile. Maybe you don’t get your snatch waxed even though it could use it. Maybe you don’t shave your big toe for a few weeks or put the flat iron down for a solid two months. In the winter, why bother shaving your legs at all? You’re always wearing pants and don’t have anyone trying to get in them. But when you love someone and they regularly see you naked, part of you feels the need to at least TRY not to be a gremlin and that can be exhausting.

5. SPONTANEITY

Oh, all of your gay BFFs are going out to Palm Springs last minute and they said they had a free room for you in the house they rented? All you have to do is throw a bikini and two t-shirts in a bag and you’re on your way? Nope. Sorry, hon. When you have to consider somebody else’s schedule/needs/wants, it’s less and less likely that you’ll just pick up and leave town for a few days of debauchery. Your partner shouldn’t be a buzz kill, but you also can’t be the wild mustang you were during your single days.

6. HOOKING UP WITH OTHER PEOPLE

I’m Team Monogamy because I am a jealous wench with traditional values who refuses to share, but I know a lot of people who are in monogamous relationships and haven’t brought up the possibility of opening things up to their partner that crave the chance to get with randoms from time to time. Cheating ain’t cool, and not everyone’s down to introduce a third or let their boyfriend fuck a girl he met at a bar (that sounds like, I dunno, my biggest nightmare?) so you gotta suck it up and realize that your genitals are slightly less important than your heart. Masturbate a ton. I don’t know.

7. YOUR FRIENDS

If you get into a relationship that completely tears you away from your friend group, that’s not healthy. But realistically, the Saturdays you used to spend having sleepovers with your best friends or blowing it out at a club are probably date night. You schedule time with your friends in advance, usually on week nights, usually just for dinner or a movie.  If you’re being perfectly honest, you’d probably rather be with the person you love as much as possible, but part of you still misses the homies you used to spend all your free time with.

8. WATCHING WHATEVER YOU WANT ON TV, WHENEVER YOU WANT TO WATCH IT

One of my girlfriends and I were talking about this the other day. She was like, “Girl, I feel fucking CHAINED to my TV schedule,” and I was all, “Preach.” When you and your signif oth start watching a TV show together, that’s YOU GUYS’ TV show. If you work late, he has to wait for you to come home to watch it. If he’s out of town for a week, you may have to wait seven whole days to catch up on Last Man On Earth and if you’re a TV-head like most people I know, that can be pretty painful at times. TC mark

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