Today is probably a bit annoying. Make it less annoying.

No matter what time of day it is, autocorrect makes you perpetually sound like a drunken idiot — and possibly a sex criminal.

Here is what I learned: maybe I cannot be fixed.

It’s hard to decide which is the most impressive. I’m kind of hesitating between Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, and Kevin Spacey.

On the quest to the elusive orgasm, one needs to realize that she is the sole expert.

You may feel like love will never make its way to your heart again but it will.

World’s 4th biggest city, 1st biggest ego.

The art of seducing women is a game that anyone can easily master, given the appropriate level of know-how to executive the right moves at the right moments.

1. Is everybody hanging out without me, or is this just what life becomes?

Yeah, no, not kidding. Wish I was! But I’m not.

I was going through a weird phase, okay?

Here are ten quotes that will hopefully convince you that the Seinfeld writers already canvassed your life problems. Consult the show to see how things turn out (Hint: not well.…

“You’re the Jedi pooper,” my boyfriend declared roughly six months into our relationship. He was referring to the fact that I’d managed to duck detection while going number two for an…

You may not be aware of a Christian band channeling Pere Ubu, Jello Biafra, Gordon Gano, Man or Astro-Man, G.G. Allin, The Sex Pistols, and Devo.

20. Be Wary When Discussing Relationship Troubles With Your Friends

flirt: behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions. “it amused him to flirt with her”

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The sandy and rocky terrain of the Sahara desert in western Algeria.

The most powerful works of art are those that affect who you are, how you live, and/or what you understand about the human condition. The best sad movies are ones…

6. Cliche song quote as bio: Do less.

I’ve only scratched the surface.

I am your average Canadian young adult spending a year abroad living with two Portuguese women in Iceland.

Even your Netflix queue mocks you.

Love is a fragile thing that can be broken unexpectedly. Sometimes it’s a matter of seconds, sometimes love is eroded over a decade, but it’s almost a fact of life…

They will hurt you. And you know that. But you will forgive them and you will hurt yourself instead.

27. Love your body, because it’s yours.

2. Show disgust as you enter

When you are married you’ve reached the end of the story, at least in our faulty cultural understanding of how your life is supposed to work. When you are single,…

3. That can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of love.

When i lost my v-card. He cried in fetal position then got up and proposed. I nervously smiled and hugged him. We went to sleep. Never spoke of it again.

Allie in The Notebook, because that bitch was given the choice between a rich, doting James Marsden in a military uniform and sweatily hot Ryan Gosling who built her a…

When asked on what year 9/11 took place, 30% of Americans were unable to answer the question correctly, even as few as five years after the attack.

Rum? I’m sorry, do you live on a pirate ship? Beer? How disarmingly everyman of you. Vodka? Is the One Direction concert tonight? Tequila or gin? You have a serious…

Saying your name unexpectedly at the end of a sentence, especially in that lower register where you can tell they’re being more serious than usual.

2. YOU CAN WRITE ON THE MOON IN BLOOD.

Do NOT get your sex tips from Cosmo.

The original Scooby Doo series is set after a horrible economic depression.

13. You’ve always known how to procrastinate. But now you’ll start hanging with the older cousin of procrastination, called “stretching out work so it seems like it’ll take the entire…

Fear, uncertainty, optimism… again.

It’s not an insult that you don’t want to meet every guy you connect with, and trust me: for most of them, that’s going to be a huge relief.

In terms of vocab, the 20s got all of us beat.

“You’re too pretty to be gay!”

A professor admitting, “I joke to my students that the world is going to hell, but I care & worry about them. Am I making a difference?”

Just warning you, this may become extremely cringeworthy.

Show off your intelligence — admit “I don’t know, but I’d love to learn.”

One of the nights when my mom was asleep, my dad fell in the bathroom.

Whales have lifelong friends that they visit regularly.

I realize there are many, many people that are truly IN LOVE and have found the person they are meant to be with and spend their life with.

The distinct differences between the texts you get from a person who wants to date you and a person who strictly wants to have sex with you.

In pre-production, ‘American Pie’ was called ‘Teenage Sex Comedy That Can Be Made For Under $10 Million That Your Reader Will Love But The Executive Will Hate.’