1. We live in the worst time zone.
We’re 14 hours ahead of New York, 17 hours ahead of Los Angeles, and 9 hours ahead of London.
If anything important happens, we don’t hear about it until we wake up in the morning. “Breaking news” basically doesn’t exist in Australia, unless it’s Australian news (which is always boring anyway). Oh, and forget having friends in the US because you’ll always be waking up as they’re going to sleep, and vice versa.
2. Everything is so expensive.
Everything costs more in Australia, AND our dollar is worth less than the American dollar. Basically, living on an island in the middle of the ocean means companies think they can increase their prices by 100% because they had to ship items there. And if you try to avoid high prices by ordering online from overseas then you’ll just get hit with an excessive shipping free.
You get less for your money in Australia too — if you go to McDonalds in the US, you get a huge meal for a small amount of money. Here, our meal sizes are smaller, and the meals cost more. I feel cheated.
3. We get everything late (or else we never get it at all).
Netflix? Yeah, we don’t have that. Any good TV show? That’s either only on pay TV (which most of the country doesn’t have), will air on free-to-air TV months after it aired in the US, or it will never air at all.
Chipotle, Dunkin’ Donuts, Taco Bell, Forever 21, and Urban Outfitters? We don’t have those either. We did get our first H&M this year though!
4. Even our famous people all moved to the US.
Our entertainment industry is in tatters. Chris Hemsworth, Liam Hemsworth, Phoebe Tonkin, Maia Mitchell, Claire Holt, and Jai Courtney are just a handful of Australian actors that have relocated to the US. Did you know that Sia, Iggy Azalea, and 5 Seconds of Summer are Australian too? So much of our talent ends up overseas that we have to ship in C-list celebrities like Redfoo and Geri Halliwell to be judges on our awful reality shows.
5. Tony Abbott is our Prime Minister.
In his short time as Prime Minister, Tony Abbott has made Australia a laughing stock. He called Canada “Canadia,” smirked and winked when a pensioner told him she had to become a phone sex worker to make ends meet, said he doesn’t believe climate change exists, openly opposed gay marriage despite his sister being a lesbian, and has made global headlines regarding his appalling treatment of asylum seekers.
Yes, this man is the Prime Minister of our country. And yes…we’re doomed.