1. You pronounce “Toronto” as “Torono.”
2. You hate the Toronto Transit Commission, but you also can’t live without it. Delays are understandable, but Toronto’s transit system takes it to a whole new level. It’s like the delays are delayed. Which makes you think to yourself, “Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have blown off getting my G1…”
3. You don’t get startled anymore by the man who yells out “BELIEVE” at Dundas Square. Every Toronto native knows who I’m talking about. The man does deserve props though. It takes dedication to come out every day to do that. I wonder if he loses his voice by the end of every day.
4. You secretly feel badass that your formal mayor smoked crack. “Secretly” being the key word here.
5. There doesn’t seem to be enough Chipotle franchises. I honestly think there are about five Chipotles in the entire Greater Toronto Area. Why can’t there be one on every block like Starbucks, hmmm?
6. What is Spring and Fall? I’m asking because, as a Torontonian, I don’t know. In Toronto, there are only two types of seasons we experience. Arctic winters or ridiculously humid Summers. What annoys me most about this is not being able to wear my cute Trooper jacket from Aritzia, which I spent far too much money on.
7. People have tried to sell you their mixtapes. And you’re all, “Not today, Daquan. Not today.”
8. You own either a Blue Jays or Maple Leafs hat. Even if you don’t know anything about sports, you’ll still own one of these two hats. But hey, at least you have an excuse to hide your untamable bed head.
9. The “Hook-up” culture is part of the norm. Who has time has for a traditional relationship nowadays when it’s so easy to find someone with a single swipe to the right? Quantity over quality is better, no?
10. You never step foot into the lake. And whenever you see a tourist take a dip in the lake, you inwardly cringe.
11. Women are obsessed with their eyebrows. “Don’t let someone with bad eyebrows tell you what to do” is a phrase you’ve heard far too often.
12. Men are obsessed with their beards. Are you really a man if you don’t have a beard? In Toronto, the answer to that is apparently no.
13. People avoid eye contact like the devil. Unless you’re super attractive. In which case I’m probably eye fucking you.
14. People place stickers of Drake’s head on the bodies of wheelchair signs. Last name Walking, first name Never.
15. The TTC subway map is hanging on your wall. Often acting like a trophy of validation that you’re from the best city in Canada.