Did you ever call me “crazy” after we broke up, or even while we were dating?

When a friend asks you why you can’t come to an all-night rager, you simply send them a picture of Lindsay Lohan circa today and write, “Because I don’t want…

I really wish that Laura Linney’s brother murdered her at the end. They need at least one plotline where love actually results in murder.

Pretty Facebook Girls, you are the unicorns of the social media world. Your life is a blur of candid photos that somehow come out looking like something that would win…

Oh, you’re going to just tell your crush how you really feel about them? You’re just going to do that and ignore my advice, which was don’t text them back…

Now it’s time to check out and also time to ask yourself: “What’s my highest-performing investment of the year?” The answer is Chipotle.

3. Picture yourself together with them one day. Like a wishful psychic having visions of the future you want.

Lonely is allowing this freedom from judgment to take root in your life, to become a reason to let things go.

You end up busy with work, friends, family, dating, and your trivia league, but how much down time do you have?

The Internet will hurt your feelings. You will find out information you wish you never knew and maybe you’ll go so far as to even cry! Imagine that: a machine…

The conversation always goes like this. They’ll advise you to break up with them. “If it’s that bad, get out!” But the thing is: it’s not bad.

The overachiever is always the first person in the seminar to use words like “hermeneutics.” They come to class with detailed notes, typed, of course, so as to more easily…

A person tells you that New Haven isn’t that safe, but YOU will be A-OK because you’re black. Want to tell them that they will be OK at Bergdorf’s because…

When you go out together, you can feel it. There will always be limits to how beautiful or confident you can feel while in public with them because there is…

A tour through the DMB catalogue reveals not only lines dripping in sexual innuendo, but a peculiar fascination with and celebration of cunnilingus.

I’m afraid of oncoming trains and that feeling right before a train approaches and the wind is blowing all around you, when you have no choice but to submit to…

We need to move away from this constant need of coming across as calm, cool and collected. WE WEREN’T BUILT TO BE CALM, COOL, AND COLLECTED. If we were, it…

Your surroundings shouldn’t change your habits.

Where does my intensity go if it’s no longer there during the day?

Before watching, lower expectations on artistic value for the most part, because these movies were made quickly and cheaply, with the intent of entertaining children.

“Well, the sound quality is pretty good, but I feel weird because it feels like I am putting dicks in my ears.”

Write her a letter in which the amount of circumnavigating and angst could rival Mr. Darcy’s.

You’ll go anywhere if there’s free food or drinks being offered. Unlike your other friends, you have no standards.

I decided to scoot up a little closer to him, so I could casually strike up a conversation in which I help him locate the science-fiction section. However, the moment…

While it can occasionally suck to not have someone hanging off your arm at parties or warming your bed on chilly Sunday mornings, I have gained some valuable lessons from…

You’ve got your eggs in more baskets than the Easter Bunny.

Since there’s no definite benchmark to look forward to, 26 often just easily walks in one night while you’re out with friends at your usual bar, half celebrating, half just…

Phrase #9: Throwin’ shade, e.g. Girl why you throwin’ shade? Translation: Are you upset with me or something? Have I done something in particular to wrong you?

Even adults will get sucked into Jenna’s social foibles, as Ashley Rickards does an exceptional job of making her lessons feel universal.

Preheat oven to 400 F. (Yes, you have an oven in your apartment.)

Such an obvious statement shouldn’t even have to be said… Right? Wrong. Way, way wrong.

8. Not being invited to a party is the second-worst thing that can possibly happen to you, after being invited to said party out of pity or obligation.

“Wait, does Katy Perry hate women?”

Speaking of relationships, you should get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, silly! What’ve you been doing all of this time being single and alone?!! Obviously your life’s boring. You have…

In the last season, Cory’s name will eventually be revealed as Cornelius. Cory “jokes” that he and Topanga will be keeping the awesome name train alive if they have children.…

15. Tell them a secret that you’ve never told anyone before and really trust that they’re going to keep it.

Everyone has acted crazy over a boyfriend/girlfriend before. Some just get crazier than others.

The fact that they’re not wasted. “I’m not drunk. Why? Do I seem like it? Am I being totally embarrassing? Answer me!!!!!”

Your checking account is not ready to handle buying brand-name cereal, so the idea of getting a place with a nursery and all of the things it would take to…

There’s something to be said for monogamy, for getting to know one body so well that you have it down to a science. With a single touch, you can send…

I love my family with all my heart. That being said, I don’t think I would ever hang out with them if we didn’t come from the same gene pool.

23. Although we think about Thanksgiving being an American holiday, our Canadian neighbors to the north also celebrate it, just on the second Monday in October.

I’m not going to lie to you: A lot of things are your fault.

I only call you names because I know you are in fact the opposite of these things, and therefore can withstand the absurd harshness of their use with complete indifference.

30. Carry a bag from a designer store as your everyday tote. I know your lunch is not from Yves Saint Laurent because those people don’t eat, so I don’t…

The creepy right-wing vibes notwithstanding, the actual plot of Twilight is downright bizarre. If aliens came down to Earth and found out we were obsessed with this franchise, they’d be…

19. You hope that karma is a real thing because you don’t have the energy to get revenge on wrongdoers.

You’re getting a vision again. Darn it! You know how the kid in The Sixth Sense could see dead people? Well, you have that too, except instead of dead people,…

3. There are a number of photos of you on the Internet doing “sexy” poses in skimpy outfits that are perhaps two to three sizes too small. In the photos…

Can sit in silence with you for hours at a time without feeling any pressure to talk. Ah, what a gift!