5. It’s SO much work, ugh.

3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Hence why seasonal drinks, specifically pumpkin spice and peppermint mocha, are so highly praised when they make their annual appearance.

Don’t even think about taking the girl you love to Paris or Rome or London or somewhere beautiful and far away.

The result lives on the internet forever. It’s truly super sweet.

We know you learned that shit in a book, because it is not the kind of behavior a human being would ever naturally engage in without explicit instruction.

Here is an alphabetical list of the best cameos and guest stars on Friends (hint: there’s a lot!), with some you probably completely missed the first time around.

To him you are a habit, comforting, steadfast, and safe. I am a risk, a novelty, a curious little thing, an escape.

If you never fully let go, it’s almost like it’s never really over. Right?

First class, schmerst class.

Three episodes in one day is nothing. Four is impressive. Five is rare. You’ve done… seven.

You see, here in Kentucky, there’s not much to do except cook meth and make babies.

My favorite teacher ever—English, freshman year of high school—walked up to my desk, picked up my white-out, took a super deep sniff, shuddered, said “that’s the stuff,” and walked away.

We all know Hollywood likes to brainwash us with subtle symbolism and hidden satanic references, but there are some films that have pushed the envelope a little too far.

Once upon a time you were a lowly underclassman, nervously walking up the front stairs of various sorority houses into a crowd of women who were most likely a) all…

Considering the many attacks on women travelers in India in the past year it’s understandable that people are concerned.

The this is weird, I wasn’t expecting to get turned on by this, wow I’m so turned on by this… is this weird? Oh okay well here we go never…

It’s a way to prove our masculinity and it’s just as biological as the sexual drive that led us to that woman in the first place. Essentially, it’s a way…

6. Strong emotional investment in team sports.

When it came to the hard details of my financial situation, he never made me feel weird about it. I told him I was in debt, he gave me a…

What do men like in bed? Short answer: EVERYTHING.

They say that 10 to 15 percent of women have never experienced an orgasm, but that number is about to be zero.

37. Mrs. Grundy: an uptight or very straight-laced individual

5. The duck face.

I’ve been doing this for so many years. The scary part is realizing that I never thought I’d ever have to stop.

The first kid(s) that teased them in school, and what they teased them for. Many people spend the rest of their lives trying to prove those kids wrong.

Anytime we’re being served, whether it’s at a restaurant, department store, or at Starbucks, the way we treat those who are serving us speaks loads about our character.

“He sits up, looks over her shoulder, and sees what she’s doing, still in her sleep: loading his revolver.”

A small voice comes from inside of you: “never?”

Feeling depressed? Hug someone.

You bump into an end table on the way out the door and you briefly stop to say “excuse me,” because you wouldn’t want that end table to think that…

There’s a quote from Mike Tyson that went something like “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.” That concept applies to entering the palace of altered…

Dolores Umbridge from “Harry Potter.”

After getting out of a long-term relationship I’ve found myself in a string of no-label relationships.

You’ve come to terms that success isn’t defined by how deep your pockets are. Though this is mostly out of personal convenience.

When I was first diagnosed, I was planning for my funeral. I never thought I would be planning my granddaughter’s wedding.

Never use jargon words like reconceptualize, demassification, attitudinally, judgmentally. They are hallmarks of a pretentious ass.

Every single day, write down a list in two columns: what brought you satisfaction and what brought you frustration. Look at the patterns. This is how you should be adjusting…

Take a look at Hollywood. All of the classic beauties were brunettes.

“The recycle bins at Seaworld also just get emptied into the dumpster. They are just there to make the visitors feel better.”

4. I try not to spend too much time online but Wi-Fight it?

There are so many variables acting against me. For instance, my hand is always coming at that thing from an awkward angle.

I never thought I would still be nomadic. My original round-the-world trip was only supposed to last one year before I went back home, found a “real” job, settled down,…

So I don’t hate Kate Menendez because she chose to be rich. I hate her because she chose to be an a-hole.

The thing about really pretty girls — and I’m talking about the kind of girls who go on vacation to Miami together and get accosted by every single event photographer…

10. You constantly entertain wild, all too memorable threesomes. (Couch + Blanket + Alcohol.)

Remember all those backyard barbecues, all those prime rib dinners? Neither do I; they never happened — because I loved you.

6. You’ve frenched a juggalo.

“If each dead person became a ghost, there’d be more than 100 billion of them haunting us all. Creepy, but cool.”

When you meet someone for the first time, realize that you know nothing about them. You see race, gender, age, clothes. Forget it. You know nothing.

“Eight years and this is the ending we get?!?”