Reader beware: following all these rules will result in you getting extremely drunk; attempt at your own risk!
Take A Sip
- Every time someone cries
- Every time someone is slapped
- Every time a character smokes a cigarette (seriously though, proceed with this rule with caution- you will get fucked up)
- If you’re watching Season 1, every time Dylan McDermott awkwardly cries (take two sips for when he jerks off and cries…because what even?)
- Jessica Lange reminds you (and the rest of the cast) who exactly is Head Bitch In Charge
- You see a cute man butt
- Every time Ryan Murphy very obviously injects social commentary into his plots
- People ignore the obvious signs that some supernatural happenings are going down and write it off as them going crazy
- Every time there is a flashback
- Every time something homoerotic happens
Finish Your Drink When..
- Lily Rabe deserves an Emmy nod but is snubbed. (I want justice for Season 2. I need justice to move on)
- Someone is slaughtered
- (Only applicable to season 3) Every time Taissa Farmiga’s character murders a boy with her vagina (as if I wasn’t scared enough of vaginas)
- Every time the season finale fills you with a sense of un-fufillment and bitterness towards Ryan Murphy.
Suggested Drinks: A Bloody Mary (because the name is appropriate and to nurse your impending hangover), Vodka Cranberry (for the red color, and it’s simple to mix while drunk), or you can just drown your sorrows in whiskey while gorging on Halloween candy you bought “for the trick-or-treaters” (it’s okay, we won’t judge too harshly).
Should any player say that Evan Peters’ character, in any season, is someone they’d want as their boyfriend, they must immediately take three shots, promptly go sit in a fucking corner, and contemplate their life choices.
I write this weekly piece as I watch the episode. If you would like to join in next episode and potentially see your input here, live-tweet with me at @ShawnBinder or use the hashtag #AHS4TC so I can read your lovely thoughts!
This article first appeared on BoyFactor