1. Not showing enough emotion. From birth we are taught that showing too much emotion (mostly sadness) is not masculine. This is why we try not to cry. It’s not like we don’t empathize. We do — we just don’t know how to express it.
2. Size of your package. Are you serious? Don’t apologize for that. It’s part of who you are. Hell, I’ll go as far as saying your penis is an extension of you. To apologize about the size of your dong is just sad. Plain and simple.
3. For saying no. The word “No,” is a necessary word in anyone’s vocabulary arsenal. It’s hard to say it to our loved ones, but sometimes, it’s for the best, and when we say it, that means we’re really looking out for you.
4. Not wearing pants. Don’t you know how comfortable it is to sit on the couch in your underwear? Try it sometime, of course, if you don’t live with roommates. Then it’s just a little bit weird.
5. Wanting to have some alone time. Alone time is great. It lets us reflect on ourselves, the day, and of course, porn.
6. A guy’s night out. Guys need to hang out with guys. It’s a great way to remind us that there is life outside the house. Basically, it gives us the chance to act like a guy.
7. Wanting to watch sports. Most of us have teams we root for. Competitiveness is in our blood and rooting for a team is our indirect way of partaking in it. If we don’t respond, it’s because we’re really into it.
8. Drinking beer. Yes, beer breath stinks, but Dogfish Head 90-Minute IPA tastes so good!
9. Keeping phone conversations short and simple.
10. Buying presents. I’ve had a couple of romances get mad at me for buying presents for them. What the hell is wrong with you? They would ask. Welp, glad to say that’s over.
11. Being direct with someone. Being direct is the best way to convey our messages.
12. Actually not wanting to have sex.
13. Not shaving. Facial hair grows fast. Also, we sometimes wake up late. This means no time to shave in the mornings. We’ll shave it off when we have time. (Although some people are just turned on by beards.)
14. Adjusting the package. If you don’t have testicles and a penis, I assume that you do not know how uncomfortable it is when the penis is caught in the underwear (same goes for testicles). Not to mention when you’re running and the head chafes on the fabric of the underwear.
15. Tuning out of conversations. Our brains are always looking for the next threat. We aren’t tuning out, and instead focusing on something else that caught our attention. PS – multitasking is hard.
16. Taking risks. Risks are part of a man’s life. Although people are considered to be more risk averse, when you look at it, the majority of risk-takers are men. And we’re not good at it.
17. Past hookups. We’ve all had it. Think of them as steps to get to you. Your past sexual conquests, however, should not be paraded around, because that is extremely disrespectful.
18. For being a man. Women don’t do it. Neither should you.