This would never work in the real word. If you stared at me blankly for 43 minutes after I asked you “What’s goody?” You’d be labeled a psychopath.

Basically every aspect of your life, from high school onwards, is well-documented on the internet. And they are going to see that, and believe that they’re going to judge the…

10. Turning everything into a casserole.

You want to have your cake and eat it too.

Never take cabs. Forget cabs exist. Forget that the color yellow is a thing cars can be.

THIS may be the BEST cover version… ever!

DO do it in the laundry room: It will be empty — especially at night. There’s really no other reason. Put a few coins in the machine for some extra fun.

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that misery loves company, and that the choice to be critical or unsatisfied is immediately rewarded by likes, shares, and a general sense…

8. You’ve stopped looking for shortcuts.

“People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing you are the beholder.”

A couple of shots make it seem less odd that almost every nook—including an elevated, cushioned cubby accessible by ladder—is occupied by a twosome engaged in an aggressive round of…

Being young enough to be misguided and directionless and have it still, somehow, be fairly acceptable.

Whenever I’m abroad, I’m completely disgusted by the lack of sandwiches. A white girl’s gotta eat!

For the women out there, pulling hair from your butt crack after a shower.

We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.

TL; DR: If calling myself intelligent offends you; well, build a bridge…

7. You can do tricks with your face.

Sure, she’s man-made but guess what? There are actual women in the world that look like this. Like, a bunch of them.

When it comes to letting someone know you’re annoyed with an expressionless face, you’re all naturally magical Meryl Streeps.

“Dude those are so fresh,” I said. And they were. They were Converse All-Star High-Tops, Hawaiian flower print edition—available only to select Chinese retailers in 2012—and they looked hella clean.

Putting more fruits and vegetables on your plate, and eating those first before treating yourself to the less-healthy things. Making the choice to eat better is often very simple, and…

25. Silences are no longer comfortable.

1. I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

This week kind of sucked. It wasn’t Grade A suckage, like where a pet died or my favorite pizza place closed, but it was bad enough all I wanted to…

Katherine Heigl was a real bitch in High School. She would walk around like a little diva and all the teachers hated her (she was about 2 years into film…

“I fall right back to sleep–however long later, I wake up AGAIN out of a dead sleep and see a mangled, bloodied man standing at the end of my bed…

I give you the ultimate 90s guilty pleasure playlist: chock full of your favorite songs… that you completely forgot existed.

“The truth is that you have to be the aggressor, and show people you’re interested, and show them that you’re not just content with where you are.”

Well, I’m a ginger with a goatee and a receding hairline. Thinking maybe I’ll just buzz my hair down the middle, wear a black t-shirt and be Louis C.K.

Hitching near Green River Washington, Guy in a V.W. picks me up, a few blocks latter he suddenly pulls over and says “It’s your lucky day little girl…Get the hell…

I read these at night and I could not go back to sleep. I heard creaks and shuffling in my room — I’m not sure if it was my imagination.

…All this dreaming. You dreaming of the being the girl next door as the guy next door dreams this and that. All these dreams crossing, their paths intersecting, crossing, but…

22. You’ve all kissed one another but have denied it as having passed smoke to one another.

Your validation — or, rather, its absence — used to mean so much to me. I used to rise and fall at the beeping sound from a new text message.

“If it ain’t broke, it’s probably a Baby Boomer.”

You have ALL done at least one of these things! I know.

We like to think that as much as it felt like love, our first romances were predicated on infatuation and newness — that what we felt wasn’t actually love. Yet,…

There is always an ex who will continue to affect you, no matter how hard you try to forget the impact he has had in your life.

Hey, sometimes a person writes from their bitter heart about a terrible relationship that really has no ground to stand on.

A breakfast sandwich with eggs and jelly is awesome. And meatballs slow cooked with jelly and ketchup is also really good. JUST TRUST ME, I KNOW KARATE.

For me, it’s the kiss. That really really REALLY good kiss. I melt. And then I’m suspended. And then it’s like they let go of the balloon and I float…

Though falling in love, sometimes, can feel a bit like acid reflux. Your chest will begin to burn and it’ll suddenly become quite difficult to swallow.

The easy-going culture can cause life to sometimes move as slow as molasses, but that only means that we here in the South have time to stop and smell the…

Talk about emotional. Yeesh!

Where the people didn’t exhibit this trait, the relationships were likely to end.

Known as ‘Dr. Henry Howard Holmes,’ this guy built a hotel specifically as a playhouse for him to murder people in. He is suspected of murdering up to 200 people.

A cisgender woman can’t be fired for presenting as a woman. Why is it fair that a transgender woman should be able to be fired for presenting herself as a…

The real key to the whole experience is enthusiasm. I horny 5 is way more exciting than a bored 10.

This kid I knew had no legs because his parents were agent orange victims in Vietnam. During the beginning of the school year he would find groups of confused young…

I’ve spent a good portion of the past 18 months standing in overcrowded rooms, observing the various ways us guys fail to lock down girls. Here are a few of…