Does The Party Stop For Single Women Over 30?

Richard P J Lambert
Richard P J Lambert

It’s a really great time to be a woman. The stars are aligned or whatever because you get to laugh with your girlfriends and go to brunch and wear yoga pants everyday. In the past you had to like, learn how to sew, coddle your husband, cook, “manage a household”, raise kids and do a whole lot of other tedious, boring things. Today, you can just pursue whatever seems interesting for as long as it seems interesting and then move on. Basically: instead of a life spent focusing on your kids and husband, now women get what men have always had — the ability to be the center of your own life.

I’ve read a few people’s narratives lately about how this will stop for women when they hit 30, notably this one that argues women become unhappy because they get ugly so they lose all the power they got from being desirable for the last 10+ years.

Here’s a portrait of what he thinks women are like in their 20s:

[the average 20-something woman] can meet a pack of fellow hungover friends at some coffee house, wearing the same makeup as the previous night, hair knotted in a ratty bun off-center atop of her head, un-showered and generally disheveled in sweat pants with “Love PINK” scrawled across the ass. They will cackle and brag to one another how Brad or Greg “like was soooo talking to me last night… oh my gawd.” You see, someone let these morning grease faced jackals think they really are THAT special.

Bro… have you ever gone hungover to brunch and laughed with your friends about what you did the night before? It’s really fun. No one thinks you have to be a special snowflake to have fun and laugh with your friends. Everyone should do that. The most not-special person in the world should do that. The bitching about guys part, well, in my opinion if you treat people like they are less than you it will affect your happiness because if you are overly judgmental of others you can’t help but be too judgmental about yourself. I advise against it, but it doesn’t affect me if other people do that. It’s a non-issue.

Here’s the same guy talking about why the party stops when you get to be 30ish:

Is anything sadder than a female past her prime that still acts like she has the power and allure of a 23 year old? But as men get older, if we simply take relative good care of ourselves and carry on suitably, we actually become more attractive, or at the very least maintain previous levels. Women like older guys… period. I am not even saying you have to be super fit or well off, just don’t be a fat ass, present yourself appropriately in the right scene and you can still do very well or even flourish with women far younger, and even more important, younger than the bitter old clan of entitled jackals that seem shocked find their value plummeting year by year. They have lost most of their power and now wish YOU would talk to THEM. They look on from afar while knocking back chicken nachos, sucking down mojitos, whispering among themselves about how awful the younger women you socialize with are, simultaneously judging us on how we could even want to talk to them to begin with. Sorry hun, not interested. It looks like it’s you, Chunky Monkey, E Harmony and The Notebook again tonight.

This is a perception issue. You can’t stop acting confident because there are people out there who perceive it as being undeserved. Your expectations are your responsibility, not the responsibility of the person you place your expectations on. The person with the problem is the guy whose unhappiness is caused by thinking people ought to act differently, which is another non-issue (for everyone except that individual dude).

I don’t think women are going to become unhappy when their looks decline because I don’t think real happiness comes from getting attention for your looks in the first place. Relying on others to provide you with happiness doesn’t work.

Guess what the number one predictor of happiness is? Autonomy.

Single women in their 30s have the freedom to control their own lives without answering to anyone. Additionally you get happier as you age — as anyone having their twelfth quarter life crisis in their 20s could predict. And while men are happier when they are in relationships, women are happier when they are single. This is because when a man gets married he gains something he doesn’t already have, this doesn’t apply to women. Men gain someone to help around the house and listen to their problems, women get someone they have to help and gain nothing by having someone to talk to because women already have those kinds of empathetic relationships with their friends.

There are many other articles you can point to about men being happier than women. I don’t think the vast majority of them will apply to this generation of women because we’re learning not to be subservient. Of course a group of people who are treating themselves as helpers to others are unhappy. For example, in explaining a happiness study finding that men are happy spending time with their parents while women are not, one of the researchers explains, “For a woman, time with her parents often resembles work, whether it’s helping them pay bills or plan a family gathering. For men, it tends to be sitting on the sofa and watching football with their dad.” The very reasons Kil Mister points out that separate this generation of women from previous ones (being entitled, being self-focused) will negate the factors that have made women unhappy in the past. Other studies show single women in their 30s being less happy because of the social stigma attached to it — another rapidly declining factor.

This is great for everyone. Happiness isn’t a finite object that only a certain number of people can have, it’s not zero sum. It doesn’t cost men anything for women to be happy, in fact since happiness is contagious, we all win. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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