As a somewhat Bro and relative scholar in most things Bro, I have forever been fascinated by our inability to express emotions — something that’s at once admirable, but at the same time hilarious. Seeing a Bro demonstrate clear compassion is kind of like getting that ever-elusive Charizard hologram card; both incredibly rare, and truly unforgettable.
One of my favorite pastimes is a game called “will this song make a Bro cry?”, a game that doesn’t actually exist, but probably should. Here are some of the game’s most formidable threats:
1. Keep Me In Your Heart – Warren Zevon
If you remember the “playlist scene” in Funny People, this is the first time we see George Simmon’s (Adam Sandler’s famous comedian character dying of leukemia) show any hint of vulnerability. Definitely ripe for a deep ponder.
Sob Probability: 3/10
2. Last Kiss – Pearl Jam
Man is this song sad. It was actually originally done by Wayne Cochran in 1961, and was written by a dude James Lafayette Tarver, who wrote the song after his daughter died in a 1960 train/car collision. It was subsequently covered by a number of different artists in the ensuing decades, including Pearl Jam — undoubtedly, one of the most “Bro” bands out there.
It’s pretty much impossible to listen to this and not feel an uncomfortable amount of feelings.
Sob Probability: 8/10
3. Bangers, Beans, & Mash – Infant Sorrow
Infant Sorrow being all expressive can get oddly emotional. Oftentimes, this is the extent to which a Bro will express his more sensitive side. Gotta love it.
Sob Probability: 4/10
4. Time – Hootie & The Blowfish
Play this to commemorate a memorable occurrence (i.e., college graduation) and you’ve got yourself a winner.
Sob Probability: 7/10
5. Adam’s Song – Blink-182
I once did this as a karaoke song for a fraternity event, and by the end of the song there were 40 manchildren up shouting the lyrics to one of the sadder songs in recent memory. Truly a beautiful moment.
Sob Probability: 5/10
6. Fix You – Coldplay
This was a g-chat recommendation from a trusted source who said “I secretly like Coldplay…def not the only one.”
Def not the only one.
Sob Probability: 5/10
7. Here’s To The Night – Eve 6
For the emo-leaning about to go to college bro reminiscing about that time he got drunk drinking whiskey out of a paper bag two nights ago. Ah, the nostalgia.
Sob Probability: 2.5/10
8. Father & Son – Cat Stevens
Can’t knock this Cat Stevens classic. Perfect fodder for a memorable movie montage.
Sob Probability: 6/10
9. Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) Green Day
Probably the most controversial on this list — some bros hate this more than Drake hates sleeping alone, but it’s controversial for a reason. And it’s way better than Vitamin C.
Sob Probability: 6.5/10
10. Por Ti Volaré (Step Brothers Version)
Sob Probability: 10/10