1. They’re the kind of person who seems completely comfortable with their idiosyncrasies. They don’t complain about their lives or the things they wish they had or how they are a victim because of whatever circumstance. They’re just refreshingly okay with who they are.
2. They smell good, look you in the eyes while speaking, and are slightly more touchy than most. These are the people that are well-liked and easy to connect with.
3. They’ve got swag. I don’t mean this in the dated Justin Bieber kind of way, but it’s an air of confidence they bring with them everywhere they go. They don’t act like everyone else because they don’t have a voice inside that tells them they have to. They’re sure that whatever do or say is just as valid (or more) than others.
4. They don’t come with a ton of baggage. Instead of acquiring a number of angry exes and fighting it out in divorce/custody hearings they were busy focusing on themselves, becoming the person they want to be, building a career, discovering what they want in life rather than being so wrapped up in not being alone that they hastily chose the wrong partner.
5. They have no recent exes with whom they got in public screaming matches with.
6. They’re exciting. There’s nothing quite as depressing as a boring person, especially one who is boring in name of “being a grown up.” They’re a responsible adult, sure, but they aren’t dead yet. They seek out new experiences, embrace their interests, and continue to learn and grow as a person.
7. They have community ties. They’re involved with others in some way — playing on a rec team, being a member of a society, coaching, volunteering, taking classes. These people meet new people all the time, so it’s unlikely they’ll be forever alone.
8. They are no longer sleeping with or hanging out with their ex.
9. They aren’t shady and competitive. There are two kinds of successful people: those that hold the metaphorical door open for those who come behind them, and those that slam it shut because they want to be the only person who succeeds. The latter person, in any relationship, will eventually get competitive with their partner — and that’s a kind of poison that doesn’t stop.
10. They are able to say “I was wrong” when it’s appropriate.
11. Their home is clean, somewhat organized and looks like them. Your home reflects your state of mind. If you can’t be bothered to clean it, you can’t be bothered to clean up your emotional issues, either. Attractive people tackle issues instead of hoarding them.
12. They read. If you read just two books per month you always have an answer to “what’s new?” You can talk about what you’ve been reading and what it’s been making you think about. This is infinitely, endlessly more attractive than “oh nothing much.”
13. Most people would say #1 is: you’re hot. This can be true but without the other attributes on the list all it means is you’ll be single again, and soon. Being a great catch doesn’t have a lot to do with physical beauty — because lots of hot people know they are hot and are too used to getting whatever they want to figure out how to fill someone else’s needs. What’s the incentive to put work into a relationship when you’ve got a long line of suitors telling you with them, you wouldn’t have to, until of course, the luster of having a hot partner wears off and they want you to do the boring, difficult things everyone needs in a relationship. Attractiveness is a great thing to have (and I think everyone should make themselves as attractive to their partner as they can) but it’s not what really defines a person who’s not going to be on the market for long.