The Refresher Nap
Ten to fifteen minutes tops and you’re revived, refreshed, and feeling like you just anti-aged. The vanilla ice cream of naps!
The Did I Just Wake Up From a Coma Nap
Over thirty minutes and you wake up in disarray, confused about where you are, who you are, and what year it is, then you look at your phone and you’re like, what, it’s only been thirty minutes, am I dead? No, you’re not in the Great Beyond and you haven’t been in a coma, but it certainly feels like that.
The Dream Inside Of A Dream Nap
Quite possibly the most frightening of naps, you can’t seem to wake up from your dream and you’re semi-conscious about being asleep, even though it feels like you may be dying. You just keep waking up from one dream inside of another dream, certain that you are frozen in this dream-state forever. It’s traumatizing!
The I’m Not Even Rested Nap
You wake up from this nap feeling even more tired and lethargic than before, then you’re like, what the fuck, the whole point of this nap was to be less tired. And then you just go back to sleep.
The This Nap Turned Into A Full-On Sleep Nap
Starting a nap anywhere after 7pm is a dangerous game. Sometimes you’ll wake up from the nap, look around, and just be like, night night, sleeping ‘till the morning! (This one is especially scary for your significant other or cat who has to come over to you a few times during the night to make sure you are not dead.)
The Imperative Nap
This one hits you in the middle of the day like a bat out of hell. You’re like, wow, this is the most tired I’ve ever been, just gonna close my eyes for a while and you wake up feeling like you didn’t just nap, but you just slept off years of sleep deprivation.
The Day Drinking Nap
Arguably the best nap in the history of naps, this one comes at you like a steamroller, after a particularly boozy brunch and you Uber home and find yourself face down on your bed, your body at a diagonal and your shoes still on. Bonus amazing part of this nap is that you wake up ready to take on the night without a hangover!
The I’m Just Gonna Lay Here for Awhile Nap
You never quite fall asleep; you just rest your eyes for a while and catch up on all the thinking you hadn’t been doing that day. Every stress of the past week rushes into your brain the moment your head hits the pillow and you get up from this non-nap nap feeling even less relaxed than before, with an added bonus of a really fucking long to-do list.
The Food Coma Nap
You just stuffed your face with pancakes at brunch and suddenly, all you want to do is sleep off the food coma, let your body have its time to digest the non-nutritious, but delicious pile of food you just consumed. You wake up with a slight hangover feeling and a strange sensation in your stomach that makes you go, am I simultaneously full and hungry? Yes, yes, you are.