See, those who love the hardest, and who are the kindest souls, have often lived in a world that was not so kind to them, and have loved people who haven’t always protected their hearts. They understand what it means to be the kind of person who has been let down, they know what it is like to be walked away from, to question their heart because of that, and within that it can be extremely confusing to determine whether to stay or to fight, it can be extremely difficult to give themselves permission to stop tearing themselves apart just to make something work, because you they want to so desperately believe in the potential, and the hope they have within them, they so desperately want to protect someone from ever having to feel the way that they felt, from ever having to go through that. And so they stay.
Attachment is holding on very tightly. Genuine love is holding on very gently, nurturing a connection, allowing for it to be a blessing in your life and not needing it in order to feel complete or whole or validated, but rather, appreciating it. Attachment is possession. Genuine love is union. Attachment is fear. Genuine love is freedom.
You cannot love somebody into loving you. You cannot love somebody into being ready. Not everyone you feel something deep and meaningful with is going to be ready to hold your heart.
Please don’t feel silly with yourself for caring. Almost relationships can hurt just as much as real relationships because connection isn’t measured in time. When your heart connects with someone, it connects with someone. Sometimes, that depth is fostered over years. And sometimes you crash into another human being, and despite only knowing them for a short collection of moments, you know that they are going to mean something to you. There are no rules.
Forgive yourself for what you had to do in order to kill your sadness. Forgive yourself for how you settled, or allowed yourself to be treated. Forgive yourself for the ways in which you didn’t fight for who you were becoming. Forgive yourself for the ways you tried to catch your footing.
Maybe right now your journey isn’t about love. Maybe right now your journey is about you. Maybe this is the season you are being challenged to be your own savior, to be your own safe place.
Relationships in your life should not make you feel like you are hard to love. You deserve to feel understood. Your heart deserves to feel understood. You should not feel like you have to apologize for who you are. You are human and you’re trying your best. So is your partner. But at the end of the day, you should never have to feel ashamed of your anxiety, or the way you feel things very deeply. The right person will work to understand you, and work to understand that. Because you deserve the kind of love that does the work to understand how you need to be loved.
Sometimes, we mistake a teacher for a soulmate. But the most difficult feelings we experience with them, change us for the better.
You will not find a love that is perfect, but you will find a love that reminds you that goodness exists. This love, it will inject honey into the soul of you, it will feel like warmth has cracked within your bones. And you will see how it learns you, and fights for you, and stays to weather the storms by your side. You will be reminded that there is connection in a world that often chooses distance over depth.
We live in a generation that romanticizes hustle, and moving forward as quickly as possible when it comes to careers and our success within them. But there is no point in rushing quickly towards a life that will not inspire you or fulfill you.