And I know, I know — it is difficult when every tender part of who you are has been bruised and let down by the ones who never learned how to love you properly. But you must believe in this love the way it believes in you. You must trust it.
I need you to know that there are others like you in this world; others who are messy hearted, others who feel things intensely, and without hesitation, others who cannot contain all that they hold within the worlds of their mind because they have only ever known how to pour, how to shatter, how to give and give and give.
Instead, the eerie similarity between all of these male poetry accounts, is the fact that they use the female experience to promote themselves.
Right now, I am here — without you, and in this universe I am teaching my heart to be okay with that. Right now, I am learning that it is okay to stop fighting. To lay down my arms. To let things be.
Do not hold any space in your heart for those who are not showing up to claim it. Instead, open yourself to the world, and allow for it to fill that space with the kinds of people, the kinds of moments, and the kinds of experiences that exhilarate you, that compel you — that make you love yourself.
I hope you forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, for the past you keep alive inside of you. I hope you learn to let go — of the things you had to do in order to heal, or to grow, or to survive. You are doing your best. You are human. Please don’t ever forget that.
When you lose someone, you don’t just lose them once. You lose them every single day, you lose them slowly.
This is me accepting that sometimes beautiful things end. This is me coming to terms with the fact that sometimes leaving is an act of love, too. That sometimes you have to walk away from something soft and hauntingly real, that sometimes hearts don’t align.
I am slowly learning how to be alone. I am slowly learning how to wake up in the middle of the bed. How to make just one cup of coffee in the mornings. How to hold my own heart, how to take up my own space.
There are corner coffee shops with mugs in every shade of feeling where you will read the paper and pretend that you’re in Paris or Spain and sip too strong coffee as you learn to be alone.