There are certain relationships that are meant to dissolve into the time-space continuum behind you, and you should absolutely not feel bad about that.

Their first violation of the social contract was in emerging from the womb, thereby increasing cumulative global repulsiveness, a new wart on the face of humanity, one more unwanted animal.…

The debate is out on chivalry: have women killed it, lowering their expectations to such distressing lows that no man will bother opening a door for a lady again?

3. We’re all alcoholics.

When inviting a Minnesotan over for dinner, it’s common practice for them to refuse twice, to test out whether you are “just being nice” or are genuinely interested in their…

So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about as numb as…

“I can’t keep referring to basketball players as Khloe Kardashian’s husband and his friends.”

There’s good self-consciousness, and then there’s toxic, paralyzing, raped-by-psychic-Bedouins self-consciousness.

Holy crap.

You will lead the zombie revolution. I am terrified of you.

“Hey man, don’t come. I was just going to rob you, but I heard some kids in the background when we were talking on the phone.”

After a couple weeks working at The Company, I still hadn’t been able to get it down. I tried dietary supplements, eating at different times, Wiccan chants… and none of…

Girl what’s the tea?

You went through an angsty phase where you tried to sell your new sibling.

No high fives or fist bumps in middle school. “Safety reasons and makes people feel left out”

Books. Actual hard copy books that you can scribble notes in and mark off sections of and smell ink through and hear the sound of turning pages and bending spines…

Our company had a little person working in the head office. She got fired because she hid inside a paper recycle bin and scared some employees.

4. She really cared about making a good impression on your mother.

You will wander around the house in the same food-stained t-shirt and pungent-smelling pajama bottoms for days on end; a pitiful state where just putting on pants may be the…

Don’t be judgmental.

7. “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

Your GPA is only important if you are applying to Law School, Med School, or any other Grad Program

I don’t deserve a woman as good as she. Though she concedes that we are all human and make mistakes, that doesn’t excuse the fact that I continue to fail…

You have an aggressive and confrontational demeanor. You don’t start fights, but you’re known to assert yourself when necessary.

1. When people try to get on a train or elevator before I have a chance to step off.

SVU is the foundation upon which binge watching has been built.

“When I woke up i looked outside and she was gone, but the word “soon” was scratched weakly into the door.”

I was hanging out with a friend recently (let’s call him James) when we passed a cheapish department store.

I heard all about them nonstop from all of my friends and my sister, so if there’s anyone with a wealth of knowledge when it comes to who was hot…

Whether you sprouted boobs in college, didn’t drop your voice until 16, or lost your virginity in your 20s — you’re better for having done things behind schedule.

Although the United States is a great place to live, people believe that there are things that can be changed to further this great nation. Let’s see what they have…

The unmatched healing power of friends who say, “Remember when you felt this way about so-and-so? I do. Eventually you’ll feel the same way about this one too.”

Between the acrobatics, inventive college satire, and willingness to come off as a highly questionable human, it’s very rare to see such unbridled talent running amok like this.

Con: ‘Art jokes’

Your mom repeating “but he/she’s so talented!” at a dinner party for hours on end is only gonna get you so far.

We’ve evolved over millions of years to most effectively do a handful of things. Lucky for us, one of them is banging. Like any animal, we’re on a mission to…

“Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?”

Most kids that grew up in the 90s have some fond memories watching this show as a kid, but I’m here to tell you that it’s even better as an…

10. The only people you know who wear more shades of pink, yellow, and other pastels than the girls in your sorority are your male friends.

Everything is great in moderation.

Who was his greatest love interest of all time? Here’s a countdown from the worst to his ultimate match.

One Tree Hill was my generation’s Saved by the Bell, The Wonder Years, and Melrose Place all rolled into one. It was also the backdrop to my over-anxious, bookworm-ish, braces-filled…

To be honest, I thought Adele was like 65, but it turns out she’s only 27, which is actually kind of amazing considering the fact that she’s worth an estimated…

But what actually ends up happening is that things get pulled so far out of context they become repurposed just for the sake of an argument.

7) Vibrate/Silence: You are avoiding bill collectors/student loan people.

Not twerking or shaking your ass in the club, because you have intellectual prowess and therefore no need for such base demonstrations of sexual value. Come on, you’re not a…

1. The truth about love is that there is a part of you that honestly believes that giving away all of your love will – no, must – result in…

2. He pulls off sweaters, turtlenecks, and fleeces with a rare, effortless ease.

4. Be thankful. Every single day. Every time you open your eyes to a new day of life on this earth. And learn to appreciate every moment of the beauty…

4. He’s too nervous. It can be that simple, really.