1. Watch them sleep. If you watched anyone else sleep with the intensity that you do with your boyfriend or girlfriend, they’d fucking punch you in the face and file a restraining order.
2. Kiss them while they’re sleeping. Kiss anyone else while they’re sleeping — save for maybe your child — you’ll find yourself in jail reevaluating all your terrible life choices.
3. Stare into each other’s eyes for literally minutes and minutes on end. Staring deeply into each other’s eyes is intimate when it’s with your lover. With anyone else? They think you’re a serial killer that’s going to use them as a skin suit.
4. Say “I love you” to them a hundred times a day. Imagine if anyone other than your boyfriend or girlfriend ended every single phone call, every single exchange, with “I love you.” You’d be like, alright dude, I get it, you love me, now please excuse me while I run you over with my car.
5. Talk to them in a baby voice. No matter how tough you are, loving someone will turn you into a puddle of googoo gahgah and you’ll use that high-pitched, weird baby voice that is adorable within the confines of your coupledom, but outside of that? No, just, never. Lock that shit down.
6. They can just, like, touch you anywhere on your body and it’s totally normal. It’s a turn on to be that exposed with someone you love, but if anyone else touched you in any of the places your significant other touches you (genitalia or otherwise), you’d fucking cut them.
7. You treat each other like their body is your body and vice versa. I mean, no, you can’t just go around squeezing people’s body parts, except, of course, you’re in a relationship, so by all means!
8. You say some very intense things to each other. If anyone said something to you to the effect of, “I will love you forever until the day I die,” you would be all, “oooookay, future murderer, bye bye now.”
9. You watch their silhouette in the steam of the shower. It’s either sexy and hot or it’s LIKE THE BEGINNING OF EVERY HORROR MOVIE.