24 People Answer: “If You Had The Chance, Would You Get Back With The ‘One Who Got Away’?”

From the people over at r/askreddit.
Jesse Millan
Jesse Millan

That’s actually what I did…

We will be getting married in 8 weeks. Im really happy I got her back.

“Feels like nothing has ever changed”

I also just got back together with mine. It’s still new, but it feels like nothing ever changed, like we just picked up where we left off. I guess there are some people you’re meant to be with.

“There’s no way we can actually be together”

No. We met in rehab and were fucked up on drugs/alcohol for the entirety of our relationship. I ended it, we both got sober and are doing much better in life. I love her dearly but know there’s no way we can actually be together without risking relapse.

In a heartbeat. Unfortunately he died before it could happen.

No, I hope I wouldn’t…

The one that got away isn’t real. That person doesn’t exist, because you’ve completely romanticized them in your head, making them into something that isn’t actually attainable.

I think if I were to act upon the fantasy I had created in my head, I would find myself disappointed. The real person would never be able to live up to the image I’ve had of them in my head.

“Took me three years to figure it out”

I had one that got away. I obsessed over her for years thinking that I had fucked up. When I finally worked up the courage to call her and see where it would take me, within minutes I was reminded about why I let her get away in the first place. She was selfish, disorganized, rude and completely self-centered. Not to mention borderline white trash. Calling her and talking to her is the best decision I’ve ever made because it made me realize what a mistake dwelling on this girl had been. Took me three years to figure it out.

It often takes losing “the one” to realize…

…that your definition of “the one” was the thing holding your relationship back.

I sometimes think of how it could have worked out, but…

…then I remember the reality and I just dislike her. She is not a bad person by any means, but some of the stuff she said really hurt me.

Even though I was the one that wanted to keep the relationship going once we broke up I look back on it now and realize that she just wasn’t all there. As in she wasn’t all there to give herself to me. She just has some deep seated issues that she would have to take care of before I even considered anything. I doubt she will take care of them anytime soon.

Buuuuuuuut if she called me up right now and wanted to fool around I don’t think I would be strong enough to say no.


..I am a completely different person now because she got away..and I think at the end of the day I’m better for it.

Given that I still compare every new woman I meet with her…

looking for similarities and resemblance

and that I get a little excited even when the first letter of their names match,

I think yes, yes I would quite take that chance.

He turned out gay but…

I get this feeling in my chest whenever his name is even mentioned. He turned out gay and I consider myself a lesbian, but for some reason he was the only guy to really get to me like that. He even admitted to liking me a while back, before he came out. I used to have it worse though. I consider myself over him, but I would jump if the chance was given.

“She called me out of the blue a few years ago”

No. Strangely she called me out of the blue a few years ago. Left a voice mail. Called her back. On speakerphone. With my wife. We all had a nice chat.

My wife looked at me afterwards and said “she wants you back, you know.”

“I know”, I said. “I’ve got you. I don’t want anyone else.”

Much kisses were received.

I only had one that got away…

…and boy was he fantastic. But he didn’t want a relationship, and he was very clear about that all the way.

So naturally I spent about 7 months of my life trying to convert him. Didn’t work out :P after much thinking I finally realised that if a man didn’t want to be with me, then that’s fine. I moved on, and a year later I met my current man. He’s great! He never flinched once in the thought of commitment, he actually had to wait some for me to get ready to move in with him.

About 1.5 years after I met my one great one, the one that got away Sendt me messages saying that he was upset that I could not wait for him to get ready, because he was ready now, and just realized that I got away from him.
I said it was sad, but to late, and wished him a great life. I do not regret it.

“5 years later, she’s still single, about to turn 40”

[The chance] did present itself, I turned her down. We almost got together, but she started dating someone else. They broke up, I was out of town for a month, she spent the whole month flirting with me, but met someone else three days before I got back. This basic pattern repeated itself with variations a couple more times. I struggled for years to get over her, and finally did. Moved on, and then met someone else.

A week before my wedding, she called me in tears (she had conveniently just broken up with someone) and gave me this huge talk about how she had blown so many chances with me, but she wanted to try once more. She didn’t know I was getting married, but I told her that ship had sailed ages ago, that I was going away for a few weeks and that she and I could meet for a drink when I was back.

She saw my wedding pictures on Facebook and sent me this long mopey message about how she and I were meant to be, but that she hopes I’m happy anyway. She was wrong. I was always her second choice and her back up plan, and she lost her chance with me ages ago. I couldn’t be happier with my wife, and think I dodged a bullet with her.

5 years later, she’s still single, about to turn 40, and her Facebook posts are starting to get a little sad.

“Love that leaves isn’t love.”

I am supremely qualified to answer this question. I found my ex after a few years and flew overseas to be with her. It’s a crazy story, 100% true and if you have a romantic, gentle sensibility you may not want to read it.

So I was in college and I met this beautiful girl, but before I met her I’d see her around campus. She had bright red hair and pale skin – it was impossible to miss her. It was weeks before I really met her and then a few months before we were together and I just couldn’t believe this angel wanted me like I wanted her. She was kind, funny, pretty and incredibly sexy. Just stunningly sexy and horny in a way only a young girl can be.

Long story short after a years long relationship in which I slowly learned her family was pretty fucked up I found out that her abuse was deeper than I ever knew. Her father tried to kill her, she fled overseas to be with her mother and told me she’d be back in two weeks.

I don’t hear from her for two months. Then for more months. Then not for a year or so. All in all it took me two years to find her after she dropped off the face of the earth and we arranged to meet.

So I flew off to Europe to see her. She met me at the airport and threw her arms around me and kissed me and I held her and she held me and we went back to her place and held one another.

And she was just as messed up as before she left. See, her father had been drugging her and abusing her and she had self medicated with heroin. That combination, and her family history, the damage didn’t go away just because her father killed himself with an overdose.

She was paranoid and distrustful and now on methadone. She thought I came all that way just for sex. I ended up leaving early, heartbroken and ready to die.

I then met another wonderful girl who (I am beginning to think, like all women who are attracted to me) was also a bit nuts. This one for Jesus. She tried to convert me with her pussy. It nearly worked. It was a wonderful vagina. And she was on again off again and drove me nuts and then went away and I pined for her and she came back and went away and came back and… let me put it this way:

Love that leaves isn’t love. Love is always with you. But it’s in you. The subject of the love isn’t the love, the love is the action. I still love both those girls, now women. Even when I hate them I love them. I’ll never see them again, most likely, and I wouldn’t want to be with them – but the love is in me and I can give it to whom I choose.

“This is the last week I’ll be seeing her”

Hell yes. This is the last week I’ll be seeing her before she moves almost 1000 miles away. I was talking to her this morning and all I was thinking was, “How in the hell is it even possible to look this beautiful?” I really hope something happens and she doesn’t move.

“If he ever leaves his current girl, I’m going after him.”

Oh yes. I think about him…he’s really amazing. If he ever leaves his current girl, I’m going after him.

We’ve been friends for seven years, he’s been with her for about three. I’ll probably be single and pathetic at their wedding and have to hide my grief.


Yes. Because I’m an idiot.

“That pretty much destroyed that fantasy.”

Three days ago, a junior high school friend sent me a link concerning the status of my girlfriend from the 8th and 9th grades. I lost contact with her due to her moving. The link was to her mug shot from her arrest for possession of methamphetamines. That pretty much destroyed that fantasy.

From user Marion_indiana

It wouldn’t take any longer than half a heartbeat.

“The one that got away is currently sleeping next to me”

In short: I left a relationship for the one that got away.

A few years ago, I was seeing a girl for a few weeks. We’d met at a club and got on instantly, but she broke things off for reasons I completely understood, although that didn’t mean I wasn’t pretty gutted. We’d bonded really quickly and spending time with her was completely effortless, right from day one, so I was pretty bummed.

A few months later and I’d ended up seeing someone else, and we eventually moved in together. After a while though it became apparent that we might have rushed things, as we weren’t all that well suited for each other, and it was pretty hard at times.

Eventually, the one that had gotten away and I had been back in touch after some time. We hung out, just as pals, but the attraction was still there, and the more time we spent together the more gutted I was that it didn’t work out the first time. I knew she felt the same way too. It might have been a combination of romanticism and the fact that my current situation wasn’t working out anyway, but my relationship was soon over.

That was just over a year ago. The one that got away is currently sleeping next to me, snoring gently as I type this up on my phone. I asked her to marry me a few months ago and she said yes.
If she hadn’t got away in the first place, this might never have happened. It’s a funny old world sometimes.

“Turns out his favorite band is Nickelback.”

No. He got married last week. And it turns out his favorite band is Nickelback.

“I’d rather find the one that didn’t get away.”

Na, I’ve changed a lot since then, and imagine she has too. I’d rather find the one that didn’t get away.

“To my ex, I’m ‘the one that got away.'”

I’m going to respond as someone on the other side. To my ex, I’m “the one that got away.”

We were each others first loves and all that stuff. I did everything for him; cooked, cleaned, drove him around, picked him up from work all the time, bought him everything from clothes to household items, loaned him thousands of dollars for a car, sex on an almost daily basis. He, on the other hand, didn’t do jack shit for me, and admitted it later on. We were together for almost three years, and practically engaged- we would joke about how his mother was already planning our wedding, he had picked out an engagement ring for me, he honestly thought we were going to get married. So it sure as fuck didn’t make any sense when he dumped me for no reason. Just called up one day and said it was over. There had been no recent fight, no sudden problems. Just kicked me to the curb.

Turns out what he really was doing was breaking up with me just to enjoy watching me crawl back. I cried myself to sleep every night for a month, and did a lot of stuff I’m really not proud of out of depression and anger over the whole thing, but I refused to crawl back. He, on the other hand, was going out all the time, sleeping around, smoking weed (something that at the time I would have gotten very upset if he had done around me- but times have changed.) and was blowing cash at the club with his buddies.

After about three months, though, he approached me to try to get me back. I said no. He was surprised, but not panicking yet. He kept trying, I kept saying no. I was starting to notice to desperation creeping into his actions, the fear in his voice. It was another few months after that when he found out I had a one-night stand with some guy, and he had a complete meltdown. He spent three hours on the phone with me, alternating between screaming that I was a whore and crying that I was supposed to be his wife. I was crying too, because no matter how much he had hurt me, I still cared about him and didn’t like hurting him. I’m not a spiteful or vindictive person- when someone hurts me, I very rarely want to hurt them back. I just wanted him to move on so that I could feel good about moving on too.

Even after that, he still wanted to get back together. I refused. It took another month or so after that if him actually begging, as in his exact words were “I’m begging you to give me another chance,” before I really cut him off and spent three months without contacting him at all. After those three months, guess what he wanted to do? Get back together.

It’s been three years since then, and his last attempt to get back together with me was a few months ago. I have a feeling it’s gonna be the last one, but who knows. The problem is, he still does not understand how wrong it was for him to leave me for no other reason than to watch me crawl back. He still doesn’t understand why I don’t want to be with him. We never had a perfect relationship in the first place, and I really wasn’t happy when we were together, but to also know that he is still unaware of how and why he hurt me, as well as completely oblivious to the depth of that hurt, shows that it will never work between us, ever. It sucks for him, and I honestly just want to see him move on and be happy with a great girl. But that girl is not gonna be me. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I am the co-publisher of Thought Catalog. Follow me on Twitter. I also use a pen name called Holden Desalles.

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