“It feels wrong to smile when my parents just died.”
“You should speak less.”
I told the guy “you first!” He didn’t smile, so I didn’t either.
“Give me your best joke first.”
My default emotion is sad. I look sad. I have sad things going on in my life. Sure, I’ll give you a smile, but only if you distract me.
I use my middle fingers and push up the sides of my mouth in an exaggerated way – effectively giving a double bird.
If convenient (and things feels safe-ish), I’ll also sometimes just go up to the person and ask, very briskly, “Can I help you?”
Usually they’re shocked by the confrontation and don’t know what to say. One guy said, “Uh…no ma’am,” which was hilarious.
6. Or this
I simply ask “Why?”
They might say it’ll make me look prettier, and then I say “For whom?”
Usually at this point they either drop it, drop it and say “No need to get all upset/snippy/bitchy,” or try to explain in some way that is easily picked apart.
8. Do the glare
You could just say “You’d be so much better looking if you sucked in your gut.”
But really I just roll my eyes and glare at them.
9. Not all men *cackles widly*
“I never smile before I kill a man.”
10. Keep shuffling
I don’t respond. I give them a weird look and keep moving, which makes them feel really awkward.
It happened to me the other day, and I said “My mother has cancer.” Awkward silence. Still better than being told to smile…
“Give me a reason to and maybe I will.”
I really really hate being told this, if you want someone to smile, say something nice or funny to them! Don’t demand one like you’re entitled to it, or like it’s my job to be an ornament in your surroundings. I’m a person, with feelings and emotions, which are not limited to varying degrees of happiness.
13. Eye contact
I put a how dare you look on my face, make my eyes into slits and say ‘EXCUSE ME’ in a firm tone and maintain eye contact.
The level of their discomfort is oddly satisfying.
I was in the middle of eating lunch on a nice day out and enjoying my book. Somehow that was a indication that I was open to conversation because of all the benches around, he decides the one I was sitting on was an inviting place.
“My face isn’t here to entertain you.”
I tell them that it is against my culture to smile and a little tolerance from them would be appreciated.
Just ethnic things.
“Eh, rather not.”
I’m a sarcastic being so I also might quip about there being nothing to smile about, or the voices in my head tell me if I do the government will kill your family.
18. War’s no joke
“I lost it in the war.”