1. He’s asked if you’ll to add him on Snapchat
Is there a better indication that a guy is just looking to sext you up than the good ole Snapchat add? Because you know what’s a foundation to a good relationship, 10 second memories of how good you look in a thong.
2. There’s ample mentioning of how you two are “friends”.
Guys who want to be with you will never draw attention to the fact that your friends because they don’t to stay in the “friend zone”. Guys who are looking for the all elusive “friends with benefits” will gladly highlight that the friends part of the equation is already accomplished.
3. You’re everything but your name.
You’re “cutie,” “sexy,” and “gorgeous,” but you’ve never seen a text with you name firmly attached to it and you suspect you’re probably under his phone as T & A (tit’s & ass). Honestly it’s because he’s so busy trying to get into so many girl pants — it’s easier to just call you all the same thing. But in his mind, it’s these small signs of bare minimum affection that’ll seal the deal when it comes down to giving him what he wants.
4. Everything is vague
You’ve asked enough questions. Sometimes you wonder how over the span of a few days you could have asked so much while receiving so little information. You still have yet to find out exactly what his story is, where he lives, what he does, the kind of stuff he’s into, really any concrete details have been skirted as if he was on trial for murder. Crazier still, if he spent all that time not talking about himself and definitely not talking about you, what the fuck have you been texting back and fourth about?!
5. His favorite question to ask you is “are you home?”
Not how your day was, how well you slept last night, the projects you’re working on, and God forbid anything to do with feelings, but you can predict like clockwork when he’ll ask you the obligatory “what are you doing, are you at home?” It’ll be sometime around dusk, it’ll involve a few flirty texts as a lead in, and you will fall for it every time. If he’s careful, he’ll sense when this pattern is starting to wane on you and will throw in some feigned interest to keep this going a bit longer.
6. Two words – “drunk text”.
Because he barely keeps it under control when he’s texting you sober, drunk texting is just the next logical step. This way he can ask you for all the things he’s been thinking of asking you under the guise of being belligerent. This goes doubly if he’s striking out at all the bars with girls who can visibly see he’s a piece of shit.
7. He’s in no hurry to make plans with you.
Doesn’t matter if you live in the same city of halfway across the country, the chances of you two actually hanging out are pretty slim to none. He hasn’t brought it up and when he does it’s because he’s saying “God, I can’t wait to *insert totally gross sexual act you are NOT into here* next time I see you. Charming.
8. There’s a heavy use of the “winky face” emoji.
When women wink it’s sexy & flirty, when guys wink it’s just creepy. It’s even creeper if it’s in text form because odds are it’s either preceding or directly following a sexual innuendo. Other emoji’s that are dead giveaways to the level of douche you’re dealing with include the kiss face one, and the one with hearts in its eyes. Just no.
9. His terminology
If he uses the word clingy to describe you or any other girl in his life, he’s not looking for anything but a free pass to 3rd base. Ditto for the words “drama”, “crazy”, or any use of the phrase” I’m not sure”. Guys who are trying to impress you won’t use words with negative connotations unless you’re talking face to face, it’s that simple.
10. He’s never called you.
Your friends have said it, your mom has said it, and you’ve even begrudgingly asked your guy friends; the one dead giveaway that this is just a glorified sexting relationship (and isn’t anything else) is that he hasn’t picked up the phone to call you for any reason at all. Men that want to date you, that want to more than just text you, that value your friendship even a little can easily dial your number even if it’s just to say hello. Everyone else, maybe not so much.