They only want you when you’re seventeen. When you’re twenty one, you’re no fun.

I got a death threat last week from a guy who’s a senior at Brown University who didn’t think I could track him down. More on that in a second.

As we go through life searching for meaningful connections with the all people we meet, if they have these qualities you will definitely want to keep them around for awhile.

I wouldn’t call it hopefulness, exactly; it was more like last minute, panic-induced mania, probably induced by the same biological response that causes all your capillaries to explode in a…

Want to read a HUGE book about Abraham Lincoln? You’re in luck.

Nobody’s perfect, and sometimes you wake up and you’re feeling down. But don’t feel sorry for yourself. You’re amazing! Here are 9 songs that’ll always make you feel fabulous so…

If real life were Mean Girls, Taylor Swift would be Regina George.

I am The Person Who Feels Everything, surely one of the most Sisyphean of all fates.

When I have headphones on and I fart thinking no one else can hear it like an idiot.

I love you more than Bruce Willis, Nicolas Cage and Liam Neeson combined.

Which one are you?

Twenty-two is basically the only age you can use as leverage. Meaning that because it’s the exact age between life-as-you-know-it and what will later be known as ‘real life’ (that’s…

I appreciate my body for some of the ways it helps me out. In the summertime, I get mosquito bites on my ankles because they can’t navigate through my hairy…

Do you have fantasies about getting back together… and can you not?

I came to the conclusion that drinking a lot of alcohol and staying up till the wee hours of the morning trying to get laid, although fun when used sparingly,…

Does this stuff come in newsletter form? Is there some exclusive memo or cool-kid-illuminati type of secret society meeting that excludes the rest of us? Or is it called Twitter?…

7) You get a rejection letter from a job or a school but just like, WHATEVER. It’s their fault they didn’t take you. They will be sorry!

I spent the entire 90s writing bad fiction. 5 bad novels. Dozens of bad stories. But I learned to handle massive rejection. And how to put two words together. In…

You spend several hours extra getting ready — possibly even buying new clothes — when you know that there is a chance you might see them tonight.

Even some presidents don’t believe in it.

I’m going to casually mention an ex-boyfriend just so he knows that other people have loved me before.

This whole time I thought you were just some emotionless zombie who didn’t really care about me but I now know that’s not true. You don’t delete someone from your…

The women who rejected them are but one bullet point in a longer list, for many of these Nice Guys.

11. She claims that she didn’t speak for five years. This sounds fake, but it’s so real.

From well-known classics to movies you’ve maybe never heard of, here are 10 great indies to check out on Netflix.

There is also the familiarity. It becomes like a kind of drug, something you can’t take big enough hits of when you are looking for something, anything, to make sense…

A moment of pleasure is constantly being chosen over potential years of reliability and happiness. Then, when the flash of indulgence is over, consideration for what has been done begins.

Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die.

I think that when you don’t fall in love with yourself, there is an expectation that the person you fall in love with, will fill the void of self-worth that…

We have to try to touch with our hearts and minds since our bodies can not.

5. We Need to Talk…About We Need to Talk About Kevin: A podcast where my guests each week are a couple that finally breaks up by arguing about the movie…

When I came back home, I asked my girlfriend, who is white and very into hip-hop culture, if she experienced the same thing when she went to rap concerts.

I’m glad Lil Wayne is still alive. He’s one of the greatest to ever do it.

2. Cheap buffet. Usually I like to wait all to eat, only having a snack here and there – you know, like appetite foreplay.

The thing about orgasms is that they can come from anywhere. If the Peen Patrol isn’t bringing them, why not take her to Tongue Town or Vibrator Valley or even…

You buy vegetables at farmer’s market — carrying their ostentatiously exposed stems and leaves in an artistic canvas tote bag purchased at Etsy — and render them into soup that…

Know how to dress and how to mix a drink. Two very easy things to learn, and everyone who wants to be impressive to their desired gender can do it.

It’s not like I want to marry or date you. I just want to kiss you. There’s something about our dynamic that intrigues me and I don’t think I’ll figure…

12. Type a long angry text. You don’t actually have to send the text to anyone but it’ll feel good just to get the words out.

Thailand, Thailand. I clung to it like it was salvation.

Yes, they say the early bird gets the worm but only if a productive night owl isn’t there to snatch it first.

Imagine how cruel people can be when they interpret outgoingness for sexual availability and then are turned down when their ego is most easily bruised. Remember not to make that…

Use our bodies as a chalkboard. In high school, passing the time in class usually meant writing your friends notes and drawing all over their arms with Sharpies. WTF was…

When your partner opens up to you for the first time or your date looks at you like there’s no one else in the room, you can’t put a value…

You show that you have not been beaten into a patriarchal pulp by all of these ridiculous expectations that you don’t show how you actually feel.

Out of all your sexual experiences, how often were you doing it simply because you wanted to make a baby? The vast majority of people use birth control. We try…

The following are five short story collections that deserve a good deal of praise because they do precisely that: they make you care. They suck you in. They stick to…

Can we wait until it’s at least 75 degrees outside, everyone? Jesus.

4. When you’re walking or standing and people behind you start laugh.

Dress like it’s 60 degrees out even though it is not.