Who knew?

A profound list of all the reasons I’m convinced on a daily (often hourly) basis that I do, in fact, suck at raising another human being.

When it’s too cold to get up to make coffee or turn the shower on or generally be a human.

We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down…

They’re sort of like dogs, in that “running to the door to greet you when you come home from work” and, honestly, it’s a pretty nice feeling.

If your roommate brings her boyfriend around too much, just walk around with your shirt off.

Years ago, some feminist on the internet told me I was “Privileged.”

Found on AskReddit. 1. P.Diddy. I briefly worked as a cleaner/server/skivvy in P. Diddy/Sean Comb’s house in East Hampton when I was a teenager. He was a huge douche, sadly.

The problem with the new motivational mantra is that the notion of comparing ourselves to Beyoncé is – what’s the word? – total horse s*%t.

It is the city that is always one step ahead of the game, going non-stop 24/7 in its quest to dominate the world stage.

Here’s an inspirational travel quote for each week of the year (plus one for good measure) to keep you dreaming of exotic lands.

The first picture is of the dog. The second is a selfie of a pretty girl with full cheeks and choppy hair. “Looks like Jennifer Lawrence,” I think.

It takes a lot for a person to make you feel uncomfortable, as you’ve spent at least 18 years witnessing and interacting with the craziest of the crazies.

When that happens, it’ll break your heart.

The usual body-shaming, unrealistic beauty ideals, and the Cult of Perpetual Superficial Betterment all come together in a New Years media fury of headlines aimed at telling you what’s wrong…

Unless you can wow me with an awesome trick, like stashing coins in your beard or growing goji berries in it, I want it GONE.

“It was sucking on my eyelids for like 10 minutes.”

This is the human equivalent of peeing on a patch of land to mark your dominance, and it’s awful.

Don’t bank on Disney movie magic or divine intervention to make things happen if you’re sitting around idle.

I’ve picked up grapes in France for 3 weeks and then had money to travel for a year — on a super low budget, not luxury traveling for sure. Usually, the…

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art.

Chi-town Stand Up!

Someone once told you that they’re “just not a coffee person” and you had to make a mental note never to trust that person again.

10. Freak out completely when you find something seriously awesome in the 70 PERCENT OFF bin. On ASOS, that means it’s like $3.

I often wonder how the man who falls for me will feel about my need to constantly escape.

18. Ashlee Simpson – Pieces of Me