If you swapped lives with your best friend, you wouldn’t call them a failure. You’d congratulate them on all that they’ve achieved. So why can’t you do the same for…

Eight bucks for that teeny tiny shot you gulped down in two seconds? That can’t be right. Thank goodness you’re a lightweight.

A man doesn’t determine your value. Most of them don’t stick around long enough to see the real you anyway.

“If you’re laying in bed, full AF, but also thinking about that leftover pie—I feel you.”

If you think she hasn’t written about you, you’re highly mistaken. If you’re of any importance at all, she’s scribbled your name down within her pages.

there needs to be a test to get on the internet.

These things I’ve thought defining traits of my personality, and my own great failings, listed as symptoms to an identifiable disorder. A treatable condition.

Even if he loves how sweet and innocent you act during the day, he’ll still want you to turn into an animal at night.

Kanye dramatically holding an umbrella.

Be a woman who doesn’t expect everything to be handed to her, but goes out and creates her own world.

Free food, free shelter—why worry?

“No one likes to say, ‘Hey I have no interest in ever seeing you again,’ so I just avoid that altogether and don’t say anything at all.”