I Have A Boyfriend, But I’m Still An Independent Woman

Believe it or not, my entire life didn’t change as soon as my Facebook status switched from “single” to “in a relationship.” Sure, it gave me a reason to dress up more and take more Instagram photos. It even made me appreciate life in a way I never have before. But other than that, not much has changed.
Damian Borja
Damian Borja

1. I’m still me.

I’m not any more confident or successful than I was when I considered myself “forever alone.” My relationship hasn’t changed who I am as a person. If it did, then I wouldn’t be with my boyfriend. I’d find someone else, someone who actually allowed me to be myself.

2. I was on my own before my boyfriend came along.

Sure, now I can call my boyfriend up and ask him to put dinner on the stove or help me check my oil. But before he came along, I needed to know how to do those things on my own. I wasn’t born into a relationship. It took me years to find a stable one, and I learned a lot of practical life lessons along the way.

3. He isn’t always around to “take care of me.”

Believe it or not, I’m capable of spending an hour without my boyfriend by my side—or a whole day, even! When he’s not around, the only person I can rely on is myself. That’s why I’m able to make my own money, do my own laundry, and even squish spiders while he’s occupied with other things.

4. He encourages me to be the best person I can be.

My boyfriend isn’t the type to get jealous when I go out with friends or when I bring home a bigger paycheck than him. He actually wants me to be happy. He wants me to be able to take care of myself. It’s almost as if he’s comfortable with the fact that we’re two separate people with two separate lives that happen to overlap.

5. I won’t change for any man.

My boyfriend fell in love with me, because I was an independent woman. I’m not going to change the thing that he loves the most about me. Or, screw that. I’m not going to change the thing I love the most about me.

6. My independence actually improves our relationship.

It doesn’t pull us apart. It makes us stronger. As much as I love him, we’d drive each other nuts if we were in the same room for days on end without taking a breather. I like my alone time, because it gives us a chance to miss each other. It’s not healthy to be glued at the hip, anyway.

7. I’m the only person I can rely on.

I adore the man I’m with, but I’ve been with my fair share of fuckboys in the past. I know that there’s a chance I’ll end up getting screwed over, and when that day comes, I want to be prepared. If I let myself rely on my boyfriend now, I’d be screwed if we ever broke up. I’m doing the smart thing and taking care of myself.

8. We’re true equals.

He shouldn’t be the one stuck with all of the household and financial responsibilities. They’re my problems, too. Relationships are all about the “give and take,” so I’m going to do my fair share of work. It wouldn’t be right for me to let him handle everything on his own. Besides, we’re not in the 50s anymore.

9. My life doesn’t revolve around him.

Even if he made enough money to pay for every movie I wanted to see and every car I wanted to drive, I’d still pursue my career. I don’t work for the money (although it is a great perk). I do it, because it makes my life feel like it’s worth living.

10. I have high standards for a reason.

Without my strong, empowered, independent attitude, I wouldn’t have ended up with my amazing boyfriend. I’d still be stuck with my asshole ex who treated me like crap. My independence got me to where I am, so I’m never going to give it up.TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

Start Now

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