She may’ve first became relevant through sex but as soon as Kim Kardashian got her foot in the door, she switched the narrative on us. All of a sudden, we…

It’s not that you’re sad. In fact, you’re happier than you’ve been in recent memory. You’re just not interested in doing things socially just for the sake of doing them.

As Season 3 of Downton Abbey gets underway, let’s take a look back at what happened during the first two seasons. I’m Laura Linney, and this… is a Chas Gillespie…

Being on a first date is like holding in a giant fart for four hours, the fart being your REA L personality, your REAL desires, your vices, your flaws. The…

4. If a person you’re friends with or dating treats you bad, that’s not likely to change. Ever.

Includes Paul Rudd in an Amnesty International t-shirt drinking OJ out of the carton while Radiohead’s “Fake Plastic Trees” plays in the background.

Getting semi-threatening messages from OKCupid.

She often kept out of the public eye, especially when partying, so Buffy “wouldn’t be seen with a drink in her hand.”

Besides, the only way you can ensure having a good future is by living a good present. That’s it. That’s the secret. So start paying attention to what’s going on…

Love is bigger than you. To love someone is for their happiness to be the same as your own.

Whether you’re one of the Nice Guys who take pictures of themselves wearing a fedora and complaining about how shallow women are with no irony, or you’re a walking Taylor…

3. You discover ALL of the possible spelling variations of your name – even the ones those make absolutely no sense.

I was meek, desperate, gargling on my own blood.

Don’t stay home alone, Xanax and a full Netflix queue your only New Year’s Eve companions.

It’s so easy to say, “You should breakup with him/her and move on.” But to follow that advice – to be emotionally invested in something and snip that cord is…

Others were Infinite Jest-style burdens. Heavy on your back or in your purse. Weighing you down all the time.

Muppets + Christmas = Greatness.

You know the person you’re with is just not good enough for you but somehow that makes you feel powerful instead of shitty.

Do you like Seth Rogen? You’re welcome to see The Guilt Trip with me! All hail queen Babs Streisand.

I accepted as an undisputed truth that I was a person who failed at relationships. Then, someone came along who I actually wanted to make an effort toward and suddenly…

The searching is perhaps the worst part, the breathless moments before the floor falls out from underneath you.

9. However That 15-Year-Old, Masquerading As A Relationship Expert On Yahoo! Answers Advised You To Act

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s a relationship.

Taylor Swift can date everyone in Hollywood including Dame Judy Dench and I’d still find this topic boring.

If you have ever accidentally entered a club on 18 and over night, you know what it means to feel simultaneously incredibly out-of-place and bitter at the universe for having…

You still don’t understand how LMFAO or Skrillex qualify as music. It just sounds like dying.

It’s not like you have to move in with ‘em or make friendship bracelets, just send a text or Facebook message smoothing things over.

Is it possible to have friends who are purely for the Internet, and others you get to interact with out in actual society?

I know people in my actual life who, at the ripe old age of 24, say to me in all seriousness that they can “no longer” fulfill their dream of…

Giggle alert: the infamous sex scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman transpires at the 69-minute mark.

Naked parties, naked runs, and other acts of synchronized stripping in the middle of campus. Usually occurs during finals week.

If someone tells you they don’t want marriage and kids, and that they aren’t going to change their mind, please do everyone a favor and listen to them.

In New York, you’re considered wealthy if you have a dishwasher in your apartment. In L.A., you’re rich if you live in a mansion.

You’re old enough to know that hurting yourself doesn’t feel good anymore but you’re too young to know how to really take care of yourself.

Strike up a conversation with a stranger.

I hope that in spite of all this you’ll speak well of me and I hope it’s with a smile, the kind of smile that hides a little something at…

You start to forget things about the relationship, things you thought were important and would always hold dear. Nope. Time kills everything. Thankfully, it also heals it.

In the case of “Zombie,” no one really knows more than ten words to it, anyway, so as long as you can shout “Zombay-ay-ay!” and “In your head! In your…

“What are you doing?” may not be the sexiest thing to say to the guy who just kissed you, but yeah, I said it.

The sale products are often in fairly odd places, such as the caps at the ends of rows where no one usually looks, so go hunting for them (or ask…

If something is 120 calories with 48 calories from fat, that’s 40 percent calories from fat, which you can figure out if you cross-multiply.

13. Killing Them Softly. The movie slapped with a rare F Cinemascore grade from audiences, mostly because whoever decided to market it to the mass public was an idiot.

The one who wants to be with you never lets you forget how special you are.

He refers to things other than homosexual couples as being “gay.”

Everyone is an idiot when it comes to matters of the heart. Love is the great equalizer. Whenever you feel intimidated by someone’s coolness, just imagine them sobbing in their…

Everyone knows peer pressure and drugs make it cool to be gay now. Haven’t you seen Glee and other ways the mass media glorify homosexuality?

A gift certificate to their local neighborhood drug dealer, condoms, a body pillow to replace the boyfriend they don’t have, worldwide acceptance of homosexuality, and, of course, a blowjob.

He won’t be the most handsome or the most successful person you’ve ever met.

While the man is occasionally the smaller spoon, it is common knowledge that any man who acts as the little spoon any more than five percent of the time has…

Did you ever call me “crazy” after we broke up, or even while we were dating?