At some point, best friendships just become a giant amalgam of inside jokes, moments that have passed between the two of you and have flowered into their own language, a…

A pretty song is one that you play in your kitchen, stirring onions that are just starting to crack in the heat of bubbling oil, the sun setting through the…

Why this person, why right now? Don’t get married because there’s a child on the way or because it makes sense financially or because all of your friends are wifed…

Getting burned by the person you’re dating sucks, but your consolation prize is free license to OD on angry chick music for the next 6-8… years.

I’ve learned that the reason why going out to eat tastes so much more delicious than anything I’ve ever made in a kitchen is because they cover everything in butter.…

Last night a DJ saved my life.

Throughout my life, I’ve been friends with straight dudes who have treated me like a novelty. It’s clear that I’m there to be the gay friend who makes them feel…

Calling spaghetti “pasquetti” isn’t cute anymore. Say “spa.” Now say “ghetti.” Spaghetti.

When dining at a fast food joint, ask for a water cup, and then fill it with Sprite. You may be obeying your thirst, but you damn sure ain’t abiding…

Only surround yourself with people who bring out the best qualities in you. It sounds corny but it’s true. If you don’t like the way you act when you’re around…

I can’t mention sexual experiences in your twenties without including alcohol and memory loss. 60% of our sexual experiences are forgettable quite literally because we can’t remember them!

After getting all cotton candy on y’all last week with the boy band business, I figured this week’s playlist should go a bit harder.

This week, I’ll cover smoking weed, an activity that can shift overthinkers into psychological overdrive, taking them down the highway of excessive self-shaming, self-loathing, and mental breakdown.

Body fat. Stop being afraid of getting fat so I can just get fat already. Please. Your vanity is holding me back from being the person I want to be.

When you were young, people would gather at parties to watch you imbibe and exclaim, How does he keep on drinking without getting drunk or sick? This was your training…

Because there’s something considered a little off about a guy and his kitty. In fact, typing the word “kitty” just now gave me a little bit of seizure. But I…

Now, Sketchers as we knew them are a thing of the past. Instead, toddlers can get their Diane Von Furstenberg fix at Gap, and grow out of it two weeks…

Manson took Scientology classes and then murdered a bunch of people, after deciding that Scienology was “too crazy” for him. Process that.

Getting out of credit card debt and paying off your student loans. (HAS ANYONE DONE THIS YET? YOU LET ME KNOW, OKAY?)

Why not begin running, learn to get away, and fast. Or you could read a few novels, is there a more efficient way to stack your life with characters who…

“Now that I’m with you again, I’m in agony.”

The good news is you can do this naked. In fact, you can do everything naked. Nothing beats cooking naked, getting into bed naked, eating that meal naked, getting up…

Despite all of the glaring similarities, a hair salon is not a used car lot.

Do I text you? Do I DM you? Do I tweet @ you? Do I DARE call you? You’ve called me a few times in the past and I remember…

It’s funny, because I used to be one of you; all sweaty-palmed and dinner-dated and loved. I was there, where you are, passing holidays at my parents’ house in the…

Many of them will take this opportunity to turn on you and hiss about how they’re doing JUST FINE THANK YOU as they shuffle away from you like you were…

If the members play their own instruments, are they exempt from boy band status? What about R&B groups? Is perfectly coiffed hair a requisite? It’s confusing.

This week, I’ll cover Resting Bitchface Syndrome (RBS), a debilitating affliction that affects the facial muscles, causing the afflicted to appear upset, depressed, pissed off, confused, and/or bored despite internal…

Make too much physical contact. Engage in tense, unflinching eye contact. Lick your lips. There’s a fine line between “flirty” and “creepy.” Cross that line.

Go to/host theme parties. Once people age out of their 20s, no one’s trying to wear pajamas or Saran Wrap out of the house. The only theme parties that exist…

“Everything is gonna change,” you would whisper at night, staring up at the stars, passing a single bottle between you. “I know,” they would reply. And you knew, just knew,…

Some idiot once told you that it was good for your plants if you put your butts into the soil, and you want a cigarette bad enough to retrieve even…

Rule number one: Never believe anything anyone tells you in bed. Beds are safe spaces where lies take root and grow, grow, grow all the way to the ceiling until,…

You can make all of the “right” decisions and sound awesome to your parents’ judgy friends at dinner parties, or you can do what you really want and succeed or…

Your Snuggie isn’t built for two.

The most popular frustration triggers consist of a multi-pronged attack of petty annoyances in a short time-frame, your overbearing mother taking one too many jabs at your emotional psyche on…

Completing a form on the internet without missing a required field, on the first attempt.

Screw the friendship and just go for it. If you’re developing strong feelings for a friend, you’re probably in constant misery. Think about it. Realistically, can you do this forever?…

Is it your birthday? Are you upset because you’re spending it without your loved ones? Sad that you’re getting older?

Doc Hudson from Cars: Older guy. Not married. Named after Rock Hudson. Obsessed with Owen Wilson. You do the gay math.

They refuse to communicate what is wrong, any time that something is wrong, until whatever was wrong blows up five months later into something that is much worse than the…

This plane keeps us all together, and as these chattering Chinese fly us to Jakarta I am wishing you could be who you were. I show you how to fill…

Don’t spend too much time on Instagram trying to decide if Hudson or Amaro is the more aesthetically pleasing effect on your picture.

If you watched Rocko’s Modern Life as a child, I’m certain you were too youthful and naïve to fully appreciate the adult jokes and innuendo that the cartoon was chock-full…

Take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the apartment you grew up in, your middle school, your hometown. These places may or may not be…

It’s an undeniable trope in modern humor to have the woman be a perfectly normal, capable member of society — right up until she’s PMSing, at which point she becomes…

“Look into my eye.”

Whether you’re a cross-country drive or a trans-atlantic flight from home, that first moment when you pause where you are, take a deep breath and open your eyes to an…

If you interact in any way on Tumblr, you obviously need to have sex. But then again everyone on Tumblr just needs to have sex with each other. Just a…

However, I have just showered and realized that my bangs are SO short, that after rinsing all my hair back and stepping out of the shower, the bangs stick straight…