Allie in The Notebook, because that bitch was given the choice between a rich, doting James Marsden in a military uniform and sweatily hot Ryan Gosling who built her a…

Rum? I’m sorry, do you live on a pirate ship? Beer? How disarmingly everyman of you. Vodka? Is the One Direction concert tonight? Tequila or gin? You have a serious…

Saying your name unexpectedly at the end of a sentence, especially in that lower register where you can tell they’re being more serious than usual.

2. YOU CAN WRITE ON THE MOON IN BLOOD.

13. You’ve always known how to procrastinate. But now you’ll start hanging with the older cousin of procrastination, called “stretching out work so it seems like it’ll take the entire…

Fear, uncertainty, optimism… again.

It’s not an insult that you don’t want to meet every guy you connect with, and trust me: for most of them, that’s going to be a huge relief.

“You’re too pretty to be gay!”

A professor admitting, “I joke to my students that the world is going to hell, but I care & worry about them. Am I making a difference?”

Show off your intelligence — admit “I don’t know, but I’d love to learn.”

One of the nights when my mom was asleep, my dad fell in the bathroom.

Whales have lifelong friends that they visit regularly.

I’m tired of keeping it together, for other people.

I grew up in a traditional Korean family and I love that I get to introduce my homeland’s cuisine to you guys.

You can’t be wearing the kinds of Forever 21 jersey sacs that pill into oblivion within two hours of wearing them. You have to be flawless, and that costs money.

2. You’ve had a sore throat for the last four years.

When a guy of any race is hitting on you and the first words that come from his mouth are NOT, “I really like Black women.”

Believe that because someone doesn’t show love the way that they do, that it simply isn’t there.

I grew up in the midst of the gentrification of Los Angeles and I don’t know what to make of it.

It got to the point I was afraid to leave the house. Men became so aggressively ‘friendly’ and I was constantly being approached.

Between the ages of 5 and 10 I lived in a 1991 Mazda van with my mother and sister and our two pugs. We traveled the country, stole food, met…

I did not acknowledge or believe anything I am about to write until I saw it myself, after the doctors had pronounced me dead.

You know that a mumbler or inaudibly soft-spoken person is ~almost~ worse than a rude person.

To put others down in an attempt to gain attention, validation, or happiness shows how jealous you are of what they have.

In every group of friends, there’s the “Karen” of the group, aka. the friend no one likes. If you can’t figure out who the Karen is in your friend circle,…

Every day we have a driver who shits in the parking lot.

1. From the Sports section: “Rangers Get Whiff of Colon.”

Racism. Particularly against white people.

The deep, forgiving cushion of your favorite armchair as you sink in to change the world via the Macbook warming your lap. The inviting “like” button on status updates from…

I’ll leave it up to you to decide for yourself.

I kept that for years as an example of, perhaps, how obesity has become a real problem.

If you’re a “Mean Girls” fan, celebrate “Mean Girls Day” with this list of other movies you’ll adore.