Zach Schwartz

The most disruptive event in human history hasn’t happened yet.

I wake up in the morning and can’t open my eyes.

Don’t expect her to hook up with you because you talk to her on Facebook late at night.

One thing different about Taiwan and America is that we view our naked old men completely differently.

1. It’s been years since your parents slept in the same bed.

My dad tells me not to date one girl for too long because he thinks I’m missing out. But I think, not being in a relationship is a form of missing out too.

“Dude those are so fresh,” I said. And they were. They were Converse All-Star High-Tops, Hawaiian flower print edition—available only to select Chinese retailers in 2012—and they looked hella clean.

A small voice comes from inside of you: “never?”